Guilty...Guilty...Guilty!

[Ericsmomma]

(as you can tell from all my post today, I'm alittle down/reflective)
Anyhoo...
The past 7 months I have been working full time at my office.
(Had to do this due to financial changes due to hubby closing his store). Even tho I love my work, I totally HATE not having the time with Eric! I feel like I'm neglecting him so much....I usually work 8am-6pm, and when I come home, I'm exhausted! Then its cooking, cleaning ,washing...you guys know the drill...
I don't read to him as much anymore, work on speech etc...its really bothering me. And I can tell in his behavior, he's not happy either. Now my daughter watches him in the day, and she's terrific with him (he loves her!), but she has 2 small kids to keep after too. We didn't do speech therapy this summer, cuz nobody could take him. I just think he's missing out on alot with me not home. To those of you Moms who work, how do you handle all this? I'm totally stressed out! And then hubby (God love him) thinks we should spend time at the camp whenever we're off, but then I'm so behind on everything at home. I'm too old to be JUGGLING all this (53 in Sept.) Any suggestions? ( And we don't qualify for any respite care, or anything else for that matter.)
I guess I need to go on "DEAL OR NO DEAL" and win alot of cash so I can stay home with my little man! Hear that Howie Mandel?

[Emilysmom]

Awwwwww hugs to you Dolly!!! You know when I feel like this the most?? Right after I have spent a few days on vacation with my kids and thoroughly enjoy being with them, and I realize that they thoroughly enjoy being with me too! At that point, I start to feel like I'm cheating them by not having those moments more often and I'm with you.............it stinks!! I can SO relate to what you're saying, but I don't really have any answers because I simply have to work. You have a great situation with Eric though, with your daughter taking care of him. That's such a PLUS!
I do think that so much of the "therapy" that we do with our kids with special needs comes at times all throughout the day during regular family times.......not so much the actual sitting down and doing ST, etc.

One thing I have done in the past when I have had guilty moments is to think of just ONE thing I could squeeze in during each day that would at least help.........there is no way to do it ALL. But I can usually think of at least one 5-10 minute period that I could spend working on just one thing!

I'm not sure if that helps one bit, but I sure can relate!

Susan

[Claire]

I can also relate to this. I have felt the guilt and frustrations of not being able to be super mom. But the thruth is we have to be realistic and that being we are not Gods. Even though I think parents are born with a little buttons that turns the on switch on too often. ;D Do the best you can and that is all we can do. The rest falls into place. It is not the amount of time spent with your child that count but the quality of the time you have spend when together.
Hope this helps.
Actually now I am starting to feel guilty too. ;DMy guilt button must be on. Time to turn it off.

[Kristin]

I agree with the suggestion of choosing one thing to focus on. I need to work, because my job provides the medical benefits for the family, but I also need to work because I enjoy it. I feel the pinch when I have evening meetings, and no one remembers to help Clarice with her homework. I try to carve out 15-30 minutes to spend with each of my girls in the evening. Quality time works better for me. I may not be able to do all of the therapies each day, and I may not get all of her behaviors charted for the behaviorist, but I do the best I can. I schedule at least one afternoon a month for myself to run errands, go out to dinner, or shopping, etc. I find if I don't take a few hours to myself, I stress out and then I'm no good to anyone. I think all of us working moms go through the guilty feelings every once in a while, but I think our kids do fine. Clarice has been able to expand her friendships with other kids by being in daycare, and has had opportunities to spend time with other people she enjoys because I've been away at work.
One of the few "luxuries" I demand is a housekeeper who comes in every other week for 3 hours to vacuum, dust, clean bathrooms, and mop floors. It helps me keep up. As far as cooking goes, I've become great friends with my crock pot. I have a huge one, so I cook twice what I need, and freeze for another meal later. You can set it on a timer, or some of the new ones come with timers built in. When I go grocery shopping, I plan to purchase for about 10 days. I cook all of the fresh vegetables the first week, then move to frozen the last few days. It's amazing how long it takes to grocery shop! Just a few adjustments I've made.
I think that each of us is already a supermom. It takes a supermom (and superdads and siblings) to be in a family with a child with DS, or other disabilities. Our households operate a little different than average. I remember a doctor telling us that we needed to "mourn the loss of a normal child" right after Clarice was born. My husband quickly replied "She is normal! She's just a different kind of normal." I think our households are just that...a different kind of normal. Good luck! This board is a good place to sound-off, and that is healthy, too! Kristin