read a couple posts

[cmedrano99]

I have to say, I agree. I look at Courtney. who very social.. but not as social as some kids iwith DS out there! She is know in school but my understanding because she loves to play hide and seek... bet she hiding last place you thought to look. She is growing and changing. I see it daily. She has one close friend.. I talk all the time(she like a daughter to me) and we talk how to do things and approach Courtney. She made the trip with us to NYC.. on the way home.. she said,I want to adopt a child with DS when I am older. Do you know what that felt like! AMAZING! That I am making a impact.. as well as my kids! I look at Dayton... he no typical DS 8yr old.. but sure is cute as pie! Joshua.. no typical DS 4yr old.. but cute as pie too!

SO, yes we all have common grounds... and hope the best for our kids... best to take it one day at a time. Not to look at the future to much anyway!

[kellyds]

The following posts were all in response to Jeff's (hidyperson's)posts, but he deleted all of his posts. I'll leave mine, even though they don't make much sense unless you also read what he wrote.

I don't think that put anyone down. I think it's realistic. I know things now that I didn't realize before Joshua was born with DS. I know things from having six children that moms of "only" two or three can't understand. And, we know things just from being parents that people who have never had children can't relate to.

It's a matter of the TYPE of experiences you have in life, not the VALUE of that experience. It doesn't mean one person's life experience is any better or worse than another.

[kellyds]

I was THRILLED when each of my first five children sat up for the first time. But that didn't even begin to compare with how I tickled I was when Joshua finally accomplished that feat. Yep, I think it's realistic to believe we, who have special children, might experience a few "highs" that people with only typical kids can't imagine. ;D

Edit: Hey, you edited your post, so now my reply doesn't make sense.

[kellyds]

Oh, gosh, I've never been the kind of person who complains about how someone looks at me. It's pretty hard to get me mad.

You edited your post three times. The second time, you used the term "Downs syndrome child", which I DO find offensive, but I didn't say anything. If someone says, or posts, something that I find offensive . . . but I understand that there was no intent to offend . . . I just ignore it.

If it's okay for you to say you think what Steff posted was a put-down intended to make herself feel better . . . then it's okay for me to say I disagree with you. ;D

[kellyds]

Yeah, we aren't getting anywhere.

[CC]

Hmmm trying to figure out where this post is going
For me I can say I have 2 children, one with DS and one that does not have DS and HONESTLY I can say that all the milestones for BOTH my kids have touched my heart equally Just as their hurts in life have touched me equally. Although their milestones and hurts may be different, they are my life both of them equally, Just my thoughts

CC ~

[kellyds]

Weird. Jeff (hidyperson) and I had this long discussion and now all his posts are gone. I wasn't just talking to myself . . . honest!

He took offense at Steff saying "we have the extreme HIGHS like no parent of only typical kids can ever imagine". I didn't think it was offensive, so we debated it for awhile and he must have deleted his posts. I KNEW I was making more sense than he was.

[Connie]

Let's let sleeping dogs LIE...no need to wake this one up and restart it all over again.

While I won't delete the post and will leave it up to the ones who wrote them I do think this thread is confusing now.

Connie

[hidyperson]

Last and only kick. I can't believe how demanding the DS community has been concerning language and social attitude and yet ""we have the extreme HIGHS like no parent of only typical kids can ever imagine" - is okay.

If I said " "we have the extreme HIGHS like no parent of kids with DS can ever imagine" I'd be crucified. I also enjoyed the "only typical" - You can't have it both ways people, you want respect -you give it. SLAM.

Connie, no need to delete. I'm done.

[kellyds]

I'm finished, too. We can just agree to disagree.

Yes, this thread is now confusing. I'm okay with what I posted, so I won't delete it, even though it now doesn't make much sense since the posts I was responding to have been deleted.

[CC]

Hmmm JEFF, why such a tude??? Really I wonder?? Honestly you do have many good points BUT they truly get lost in how you communicate. Is it just a man thing or are you really just that ticked off all the time?? I happen to agree with you lots but if you expect us to get you, you have to get others, Do you KWIM at all?? You say you are gone BUT are you really?? Call me crazy but I do think at UNO we can all get along BUT its give and take. Just wondering how much have you given here othen then complaining?? Yes before you go off on me YES I do complain/vent lots BUT Man I do share in the joys too, Hmmmm have you ever done that here??

Hmmm Connie sorry, maybe this should have been a PM to Jeff but I have defended him lots and at this moment I am wondering why I bothered

Steff HUGS girl, sorry this got off your original post

CC ~

[hidyperson]

The simple version is that someone said that their kid is better than my kid. I HAVE NEVER SAID ANYTHING LIKE THAT TO YOU GUYS. And you guys just shrug it off.

You demand and demand of others, crazy crap like 'Down's Syndrome" or 'Down Syndrome" and actually take offense at it - but you can fire off stuff like If I said " HIGHS like no parent of kids with DS can ever imagine" and belittling words like "ONLY typical" and no one says a thing, you REFUSE to get it or ackowledge it. You can say anything, but you have detailed rules about what may be said in return. I started with a simple 'hey, who you callin' typical' and it was ignored. No not ignored, I was told I was wrong. If you can't see why I'm upset,why this 'accepted point of view' is not okay, you all need to step back and remember that having a child with DS doesn't make you extra special.

[CC]

Jeff, I totally agree with you on what you said...

"that having a child with DS doesn't make you extra special." and I totally agree with you that Typical vs DS should not be an issue in that NOPE one is in no way better or more special then another. BUT I do have to ask, if you don't mind WHY is it that you only seem to post to threads that tick you off??

Why are you here at UNO, can I ask?? What do you get out of it?? Just wondering and as you know from posting here over the years, its noting personal, I wonder bout lots ALL the time.

BTW Jeff do you have Yahoo?? I would love to chat with you one time instead of putting this out on the main board.

CC ~

[dannysmom]

I told myself I wasn't ever going to post on a 'hot' topic that invoved Jeff. I come here for support, guidance and want to offer my support to new parents. I don't want to debate with someone who only looks for opportunities to argue and be critical of others. I was a parent first to only a typical child. For 3 years, all I experienced was pure joy and the high of raising a typically developing child. Now that Daniel has come into my life and I saw a new side of life......I feel I completely agree with Steff. I love both my children with all my heart. The joy I felt when my typical daughter walked across the room at 10 months was overwhelming......but when my nearly 12 month old child with Ds took 1 step with his push toy......it WAS different. Not that I love him more.....but when you see your baby on a ventilator fighting for his life and then you see them accomplish things.....it feels different inside. I think with our kids with Ds...every milestone releases a little bit of fear in our hearts. I know I feared so much, and everyday my son shows me not to be afraid. I know he will get there, in his own time...when he is ready.

I can say this, because I have lived it, that's just my personal opinion.

[Jessie]

Although Jeff's reply touched a nerve here, it did make me think about how parents do react to their kids' milestones - both typical and special needs kids.

I believe the majority of you had your child with Ds AFTER having other children. You saw what the milestones were and when the appropriate times to reach them were. You probably delighted in every single one of them. And, as others have said, once you saw your child with Ds struggle, those milestones probably seemed to be cause for a more momentus celebration.

Interesting observation from our household. And, this is just me observing, this is not coming from Brian - I guess I'm speaking on his behalf. Jason was his first born and had not experienced "typical" milestone timelines before. So, although they knew that Jason was slower at developing, I imagine that they were probably ecstactic at every milestone just as you would be with any first born. This, after all, was Jason's natural timeline and nothing else to compare it to.

Now, with Ellie developing at a typical rate, I can see the awe in Brian's eyes. I swear to you, he thinks she is the smartest kid on the planet!! He lets EVERYONE know when she is doing something new (which at her age is just about every other day!). I don't know if he has ever really reflected back on Jason's development since Ellie has been born and compared the two. I guess my theory here is that after you have had a typically developing child and then have one that struggles, the milestones probably do seem to be a bigger accomplishment and a sense of relief when they do hit them. Doubt that means it meant any LESS, just different. However, in Brian's case, I see him more in awe of how Ellie is developing "typically" because that's not what he experienced before.

I guess me, Brian and Jeff are probably in the same boat as to not having a typical child first and then a child with Ds second and compared them from that viewpoint.

And, here's my 2 cents that I should probably keep to myself, but that's just not me! Although Jeff (and Jeff, I don't mean to make this sound like you are NOT part of the conversation here) may come across as a little rough and negative, I think that we need to appreciate the point of view that he brings to our discussions here. Our kids are going to be adults some day that may be living with foster families or some other type of situation and I think it is VERY important for us to learn from Jeff what his point of view is being that his roommate is not a biological part of his life. I think we can all learn from each other if we can all get past word games. I know, it's hard when we are talking on line vs. face to face, but we really all need to try and not be so sensitive.

Ok, off my soapbox.


Jessie