Behavior woes

[Jenifer]

Joy's behavior lately has been just plain unbearable. She will not listen to us. She does the exact opposite of what we ask her to do. She is purposely defiant and in order to get her to comply we have to threaten to remove privileges or put her in time out. Then and only then does she shape up.

She's especially bad in public, and I think it's because she knows I can't really do anything about it other than give her death glares b/c I don't want others to think I am abusing her. WHICH I AM NOT, for the record.

I am at my wits end and I am sending her to respite this weekend because I need a breather. I hate that it's come to me spending a weekend without her, but I feel like all I ever do is nag and punish her. She deserves to have some fun and I deserve a nap.

The kicker is that her P/T conference was yesterday, and her teacher says she's very obedient at school, does her routine with few problems, and is helpful to her classmates.

Her teacher suggested we implement a positive reinforcement system, and really stick to a schedule, which we are pretty good about. I always tell her in the morning what is happening for that day, and we rarely divert from the plan. We do have a lot of after school stuff, namely three therapies a week, plus dance once a week. I don't know if I should cut back a therapy or what.

I know that many kids with ds are very stubborn, and I can deal with that. But if I have to drag her kicking and screaming from the public library one more time, I don't know what I will do.

Anyone out there have some sage wisdom?

Thanks!
Jenifer, mom to Joy Daisy

[Valerie]

No words of wisdom here, just wanted to say I feel for you. I also have a "stubborn" child, and I just wrote in another post how amazed I am that he behaves so well at school! I guess we should at least be thankful for that, huh?

[Chris]

I think most kids behave better at school than they do at home. Unfortunately, I do not have a compliant child. Sarah want to do what Sarah wants to do. She is my husband's little princess and he waits on her hand and foot. I hope we aren't ruining her for life.

Chris

[CC]

Just a thought here, hope its OK

"I know that many kids with ds are very stubborn" I am more of the thinking that although it appears to come off as "stubborn" it may be more of they are really just not sure what is expected of them or the "unknown". Not that thinking this way makes it any easier to deal with and believe me I can very much and I mean very much relate to what you are saying bout behaviors

Respite is there for a reason, don't feel bad for using it.

Maturity helps I promise you that

CC ~

[Staci]

I have no advice, Jenifer...just sympathy. I've been there, done that...it seems to come and go with Aidan. He'll be stubborn and fighting me one week, and the next he's good as gold...I never know with that kid Don't feel guilty for using the respite! I would, in a heartbeat! Sometimes, we need a break, too. I find myself babying Aidan a lot...and giving him chores and responsibility makes HIM feel older and better about himself, maybe? He's still, for the most part, non-verbal...but you can see the gleam in his eye when I give him "jobs" to do...do you think this might work for Joy? Not that you aren't already doing this, but thought I'd throw it out there since it seems to be working for Aidan right at the moment Lots of luck! Hang in there...

Staci

[hidyperson]

chris2 said:

I think most kids behave better at school than they do at home. Unfortunately, I do not have a compliant child. Sarah want to do what Sarah wants to do. She is my husband's little princess and he waits on her hand and foot. I hope we aren't ruining her for life.

Chris

Maybe I should be talking to your husband - Jeff, the hotel staff of his roommate....

[MB]

Your answer is in your own post! "She is especially bad in public because she knows I can't do anything about it."

Do something about it. There is no need for spanking. Look at everyone in the library who is within hearing distance and state, "If my daughter behaves in a way that keeps any of us from enjoying the library, she will have to apologize and leave the library. Please do not dismiss this apology. We want her to be ready for an independent life which includes acting appropriately in public."

She will understand you. You have taken back control. If you remain, calm, assertive and CONFIDENT in your words and follow through, I can almost guarantee positive results. You will have to repeat this everywhere you go until she figures out it applies in all situations.

Good luck.

mb

[ValerieC]

As always, I agree with MB. You have to take back the control while in public. It has to be the same and always consistent. She'll get it!