well, add me to the list of mean moms

[ALLISA]

All the recent talk of behaviors and expectations has been playing over & over in my thoughts.

As the oh so wise piece of wisdom says....choose your battles....and I figured I'd start small and work my way up.....

so today the mean mom hat was put on.....and any one who says...."you are not mean, you just want whats best for your daughter" ( like I HOPE you will) .....save it for my son....who burst into tears and said I was "tortuting" his sister !!

So here is my first beahvior to conquer,.....KEEPING Erin's shoes ON her feet while riding the bus/car.......I would venture a guess that of the 10 trips (back and forth) to school she makes weekly....the shoes remain on for about 4 of the trips...... gggrrrr.......

And the kicker is.....bus ride is all of FOUR minutes long.....yes....FOUR......she is last one picked up and school is 1 mile away !!

So as typical....when I went to get her off ....no shoes.....so instead of putting back on I made her walk in house barefoot.....keep in mind that it is UNSEASONALBY warm here in NE....65 degrees....but RAINY today....she HATED the wet.....yeaahhhhh.

Then when I drove to afterschool activity...shoes again off.....I couldn't make her walk in store barefoot 'cause I wasn't brave enough to withstand the stares that would surely accomapny...but DID make her step out of car and stand on ground for a few seconds ( this was when older brother wept for his sister !)

And I told her in my "SERIOUS" voice ...NO...shoes.... STAY ON.....

Then when we did our other errands I made sure to remind her "shoes on" and I tell her I was happy and proud of her.....

We had quite a few stops and starts...lots of opportuyinty to take shoes off,,,,,but she didnt' and i WAS proud !

It is so simple.....make her walk barefoot in cold, wet so she learns WHY it is importatnt to keep shoes ON.....but 'cause I didn't want her to "suffer" I kept putting the shoes back on....hopefully we'll nip this behavior NOW while the weather is working in my favor...don;t think she'd mind if I tried this on a nice warm day......

I feel this is a batttle I can conquer soon and gain a littel confidence to move onto a bigger challenge.....

Thanks for listening !

[donnita]

way to go Allisa! what's the next challenge?

[momofrussell]

VERY nice Allisa!!! I am glad it worked!!!! Walking barefoot wouldn't have worked in my house though ;D LOL We are barefoot kinda souls here. ('cept for Kevin) Actually, Russell did have his shoes off from a car ride (he only does it once in a while) and out of laziness I didn't put his shoes back on... so he shuffled along from the car into the house without batting an eye. LMAO Funny how families are so different and our kids are! LOL

A.

[laurasnowbird]

Allisa,

Great job! I don't think that's mean at all! Having to walk barefoot is a NATURAL CONSEQUENCE of taking your shoes off. I think that is the best deterrent you could have come up with because it isnt artificial.

And there may be some that say she would have learned it eventually, or how many kids do you know that are still taking their shoes off in high school, etc, but there are certain behaviors that just flat-out diminish your behavior of your child, and I think it is a great idea to address those. I'd rather save my frustration for the big things, cuz there are plenty of those, LOL!!

And if it makes you feel any better, we've done it here as well, for the SAME reason. Ethan was just lucky it wasn't acting like winter here, cuz seriously, I'd have probably made him walk from the car in the snow.

Good job, Allisa, won't it feel nice not to be dealing with THAT anymore?

[momofrussell]

laurasnowbird said:

Ethan was just lucky it wasn't acting like winter here, cuz seriously, I'd have probably made him walk from the car in the snow.

You're up early now aren't you

Ok...if this ever becomes an issue with Russell, you all will have to help me in OTHER ways... because walking barefoot in the snow wouldn't work either! LOL When we had our snow here Russell wanted to go outside SO BAD. He was barefoot but he really was wanting to... so, I opened up the front door and he actually went outside and then wanted to walk on the snow in his barefeet! I was like... OOOO K! So.. I thought, why not, he will figure out how cold it is and get p'o'd and come back in.. nope.. he kept touching it with his feet and hands and then I decided it's enough and he got MAD at me!!

So.. sorry to keep taking over this thread.. but I am doomed! LOL

A.

[andrewsmom]

I think you did an excellent job!!!! ;D

Keep it up, the pay off is so worth it! Sometimes I feel like I am such a nag... especially to Andrew ....not because he has DS but because he is 2 and has all the behaviors of a 2 year old. But it's definately worth it in the end. Good job!

-Trisha

[laurasnowbird]

A.,

I'm up at this time EVERY day, LOL. Ethan AND Victoria's busses come at 7:25 and 7:30, respectively, so everybody is up at 6:30am in this house, except for Aidan, who is still snoozing away looking like a cherub.

I was LOL at the idea of all your barefoot children, A. I used to be that way myself, and my feet were so tough I could walk on broken glass. Then, being the incredible tomboy that I was, I had one too many tetanus shots, and the last time I went into anaphylactic shock. I had to curtail my barefoot ways, although Rod catches me every once in a while and gives me heck, LOL!

Ethan used to do that too, and it has only been this last year that he cared about walking in the cold and wet. So, you never know, it could all change in an instant. And we'll come up with some other evil, mean mom thing if you decide you want to cure Russell the muscle of removing his shoes.....!

[ALLISA]

Wow A...in the snow ? Erin would have hated that .....and that is the key...you need something they hate or NOTHING will "get through"...what good is a consequence that is NOT unpleasant ?

my next battle will be with the school ! LOL....I DOUBT they will let her walk barefoot !

I am actually going into school in hour for a meeting....I just feel like so much has been tolerated with behaviors, etc and I'm done waiting.....other IRRITATING thing is in her IEP we have written in that Erin is to have a home trainer for 1 hour per week.....it is now January.....and NO home trainer !! There were various "problems" and "reasons"....but as CC says....WTF.....where is my home trainer ?

So school will now see a meaner side to me as well.....sigghhh......I REALLY do HATE being the bad guy.......

[Chester]

WTG Mean Mom Allisa! I bet Erin's shoes will magically stay on her little feet now. You'll probably have to let the school know that they'll have to follow through. My JT can smell a loop hole a mile away.

Good luck at school, keep us posted,
Dawn

[hidyperson]

We go with natural consequences. More as a philosophy of 'doing the right thing' 'cause the chances of her not getting it or refusing to get it is really high. Then we mercilessly nail her.

I will give her credit. Her belief in her ability to WISH the universe to bend to her will is unwavering.

I don't buy into "the stubbornness of people with DS is a nasty myth". Or "it's not really being stubborn but expressing their view, or lack of ability to communicate" - Right. It's right there in their contract. Have you seen this ? -

"I ( the stubborneer ) will be as un-movable as the Himalayas' because I want to - whether it's a good idea or not. Logic will not be allowed to interfere with this goal. ( side note - exemptions being those circumstances that will keep those ( the stubbornee/s ) off balance at all times. "

- Mean Roommate

[Jessie]

WTG Erin & Allisa!

I don't know if it was just time for Jason to give in and get over taking off his shoes or it was the change in bus driver. But last year when he had a new bus driver that would simply not tolerate it, it's quite amazing how quickly that little bad habit disappeared. His previous bus driver allowed it even though she knew it drove me nuts!


Jessie

[meghans_mom]

I think that's great -- can i just throw one little thing in....
When you're telling her we keep shoes on...maybe dont say

NO WE KEEP SHOES ON -- or NO SHOES STAY ON

Omit that "no" because maybe maybe she's hearing NO SHOES ON!!!!
lol!

good luck & keep up with it!
hugs, laurie

[cindylou]

I agree-let the last thing she hears be the word ON.

I would say SHOES STAY ON FEET.

I also made Kaylee walk barefoot and we live in Oregon..cold, rainy..yuck..(but it's really nice from May-Oct... ;D)

(Course I did this with my other kids too--not just Kaylee..what is it with taking shoes off in the CAR? used to drive me nuts..)

cindy

[momofrussell]

So.. I must be the only one here then, besides Jessie's old bus driver for Jason, that doesn't care if my kids take their shoes off in the car? LMAO

A.

[trishasmom]

We had the same issue with Trisha and she loves to go barefoot so that strategy wouldn't have worked either. She was so bad that she would take her shoes off in the store and throw them. We just kept having her put them back on and it took awhile but she finally got it. She now leaves her shoes on during all bus rides and most car rides unless we are in the car for hours on a trip and then they come off but so does mine. :-) I didn't put her shoes on for her, she had to do it so it wasn't so much fun when she had to. She loved the attention she got when I would have to stop and put her shoes back on. All the fun went out when we used the phrase you do it. :-)