feeling guilty today....

[Ericsmomma]

Afternoon all,
Have any of you who work outside the home felt so bogged down that you can't think straight? I am feeling so guilty because I haven't had the time to work with Eric like I used too.
He's really trying to initiate some speech and I don't want to lose this opportunity. Working full time I'm unable to take him to extra speech therapy after school. They had a opening at a center near me, but I work that day.(and i can't find anyone to take him).
Also, I need to get his hearing re-acessed, blood work done,
eyes exam, ( you know the drill, ) but with working, these appointment times are limited. And on my day off (LOL), I have so many things to do that I can't keep up. (Sounds like I need a little CHEESE with my WHINE, huh? )
I'm just curious....how many of you Moms work(besides at home)
and if its full/part time? And if you do work, how do you manage all the "stuff"? I would love to hear how you all cope with this, since we all go through it. Thanks, Dolly.

[laurasmom]

Dolly

I can identify. Currently, I work part-time, and this is exactly why. It gives me the time to do these things for both girls. When I did work full time, I had someone clean my house weekly, so I did have a little free time to devote to the things you listed. And unfortunately, if you work regular business hours, so do the places your child needs to be. Definitely makes it hard.
I don't have any great answers, because to help solve our problem, I changed to part time. I know this isn't an option for everyone.

Sharon

[Connie]

Dolly,

Your in my boat now!! I work basically full time. I have very good boss who is very family oriented so I'm kinda on a flex time. I am able to go in at 9 am so I can get the kids on the bus then I'm off by 4:30 on M, T, Th, and F. Then on Wed I get off at 12 noon. This is the afternoon I have to get all the doctors appointments done and because the kids are in school I have to try and make them for after 4pm....

So, today for example. I got off at noon, picked Lauren up from preschool, came home took her to her doctors appointment at 1:15 (for her Kindergarten shots), was there for and hour, took her out to lunch, picked kids up from school at 3:30 and took 3 of them to the dentist for 3:50 appointments. Walked in the door at 5:15.

Then, if it had not been for ran would have had to go straight to 2 baseball practices, plus hopefully going to church!!!

I would love for Collin to have so much more therapy than he gets through the school but, I just can't find the extra time (or money...since insurance won't cover). I do try and make sure he is in on activity a season like I do the other kids, though.

I wouldn't beat yourself up to bad because I honestly have to believe that like with any of our kids. They will eventually do what they were planned to do with or without the therapies and I have to leave it all in God's hands and his time!!!

Connie

[Emilysmom]

Dolly,
First of all, HUGE hugs to you..........I really CAN relate to how you're feeling and it stinks! I work full time. I think I started working the day shift full time about the same time Emily started kindergarten. There were years when we traveled over an hour to get therapy for Emily, and I was working nights at that time.......we'd head off in the van with the driver (ME) so sleep deprived it wasn't funny. It's a wonder we made it there!

Over the past 5 years or so, my job has been getting increasingly stressful (and many of you who know me well can attest to that because I whine about it almost DAILY!), but one thing I am very very lucky with......So far, I have been allowed to adjust my time any way I need to in order to go to school functions, Special Olympics, Boy Scout functions, IEP meetings, doctor's appointments, etc. I need to consistently remember this when I get frustrated with my job.

Hang in there Dolly,
Susan

[Valerie]

I think we've all done the jugging act and can feel for you! My solution was to switch to 3 twelve hour shifts a week. Kind of shoots those days, but that gives me 4 whole days to catch up on stuff around the house and schedule doctor's appts and things like that.

[Jackie]

Dolly...when I was working and juggling the four kids I too felt like you...know its tough...wish I could help.

If it's any consolation to all you working moms...I think we have a built in guilt mechanism...because I am not working no really...Emily is NOT living at home and I still feel guilt over what is not being done for her and think all the time...if I had done such and such...I have TRIED to shake this but it still comes back...so I think it's just natural to feel like somehow if we did more we could make it all better.

I think better than speech therapy is just encouragement on the home front...keep that language building...use the time you would take him to interact with him yourself maybe.

I know we sometimes think (at least I did)...that extra extra someone else doing things has got to be better than what we are doing for our kids ourselves. And those appointments will find a place on your schedule eventually...but then you have older kids and I am sure you remember life with them going through all of this and how things have a way of slowing down eventurally so you can catch your breath.

I also understand how it all builds up on you and you sometimes feel like an active volcano that someone has stuck a big cork in so you can't explode...LOL. But at least you have us here to vent with and provide you with some encouragement. Hang in there.

Jackie

[Jessie]

Dolly - I can feel your pain. But, try to not to beat yourself up too much. Like Jackie said, eventually appointments will get made and stuff will get done.

I'm sure I've mentioned it several hundred times here that I travel for my job and that is the hardest part of what I do. Granted, I get to work from home which is great and I wouldn't trade that, but when I have to travel it's overnight - a couple of days at a time. I can't believe that in a couple of weeks I'm going to have to leave my little tatcher already and go to Chicago for a couple of days. I'm hoping that my traveling is going to be cut back dramatically this year. It was already tough enough to leave Jason and Ellie, but to leave another little one is going to kill me.


Jessie

[Pat]

Dolly, I am a stay at home mom that homeschools, & I can feel that way too!
Pat

[CC]

It all works out, it really does. Hang in there

Since Chris was born I have worked full time out of the house and even now working full time from the house, as we own our own company. There just never seems to be enough hours in the day sometimes. One does what they can that is good for the whole family.

I think ALL Mom's feel guilty one time or another, its just part of being a Mom cause we want it all for our kids

CC ~

[matthewsmom97]

You ought to check out home care agencies in your area that specialize in the health care of infants, children and new mothers, those who need to work and those that do not. These agencies come to your home and offer pt,ot, and speech therapy.A thorough assessment of your child is completed by both the therapist and a Registered nurse. They are also able to visit your child in school. I have a great therapist who comes to my home twice a week to work with my son. He gets 1 on 1 for 45 minutes each visit. Mondays and Wednesday are the norm. If something changes she will even come out Saturday and Sunday instead. I was having to commute too far after we moved so I found several agencies that offered this and put my name on their list. It took a couple of weeks and I met with several different therapists then the decision was made with whom Matt would be seeing 2xs wkly. I have saved alot of time, money and stressing just trying to make it on time for his appts. Check out your local MHMR office in your city and go from there, you'll be happy you did.

[laurasnowbird]

Dolly,

Just like everyone else here, sometimes I cope with it better than other times. I work full time when I work, but since I contract myself, I leave breaks between. I still feel behind all the time, though.

I think guilt just goes along with parenting, LOL! There were twelve years between Nicholas (who'll be 21 in a couple of weeks) and Victoria, and even with only one child, I was convinced I'd have a PhD in Guilt long before he reached eighteen.

It does help me to write down the things that need to be done and carefully plan them. It takes time to get an appointment to see many of the specialists, but once it is on the calendar I relax a little. Hang in there, we all feel that way sometimes, and we get a double whammy when our kids with special needs have all the extra appointments.

And if this makes you feel any better, even when I AM home, I feel like I'm never doing enough. Any moment that Ethan is watching TV, I'm feeling guilty. Sigh.

[Chris too]

I have found that to get things done when I'm too busy, is to just make myself do what needs doing when it needs to be done. The trick is in the scheduling. Know exactly when your windows of oportunity will be open, and be sure to hit them. Procrastination is not an option for the busy mom. It is amazing to look back on a busy season and find out how much actually gets done by just keeping up with the tight schedule.
Of course, I would never dream of living my entire life that way - just seasons at a time - otherwise I would grow resentful, bitter, and just plain tired out. So plan seasons of therapy, and seasons of relative rest. That way the therapy will go on and you won't get burned out, and you will get more confident that you can get it all done - just not as extensively as you would otherwise. And that's just fine.