won't feed himself...

[Ericsmomma]

Ok, before I start this thread, I know I'm at fault here....I'll admit,
I'm a "feeder"...when Eric acts like his hands are broken at mealtimes, I will wait (via a few minutes), and then I start to "Shovel it in"...while he watches TV!...at the table, no less.
Now it wasn't bad when he was small, but he's almost 7 and this hasn't changed. I'm ashamed of myself for letting it go on for so long. He tries the same scenerio at school, but the one aide will have no part of it....she encourages him to feed himself, and if he doesn't...then he doesn't eat, unless its "finger foods" he picks up himself. Now, she doesn't let him starve, and she may be right. I've tried to do this at home, but then I feel bad and end up giving him a snack before bed. His teacher does the same...when he doesn't eat with the aide, she "sneaks" him some bread or something....another sucker like me! I worry because he's a very thin little guy. Now I know he's capable of feeding himself because on a field trip to a Pancake House, his teacher said he "scarved down" his pancakes himself.with a fork!...didn't leave a morsel in his plate. His aide said thats when her eyes
"were opened"....me thinks he's manipulating us all.
My question is : Any suggestions on how to get thru this?
his OT said his fine motor skills are almost non-existent...and he hates anything to do with those skills. Anyone else have this problem? I know I have to do some soul searching myself, because I realize I'm not helping him...
any comments or suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
DOLLY

[haleysmom2]

How about making consecutive meals of his favorite non finger foods?? Sounds like pancakes might be a start. I am soooooo with you, Haley totally can tie her own shoes, but she KNOWS when we are in a hurry (which is of course most of the time) that I do it. So she drags it out totally knowing I will take over. Now I conciously (sp) make sure I build more time into getting out the door! Good Luck!

[MB]

Your hand over his hand using a spoon or fork. I'm guessing he will resent your controlling him and start doing it himself. I would do it while acting like you are interested in a t.v. program. This keeps it from being a power struggle. You are reacting to your show on t.v. instead of to him. You basically ingnore him while doing hand over hand. Make sense?

mb

[Chris too]

Someone in another thread said that teaching your child to put herself to sleep is a gift you give her. The same applies to teaching your child to feed himself, I think. If you change your focus from "making him do it" to giving him the gift of feeding himself.
Also, it sounds to me like he has all the requisite skills - he did fine with the fork on the pancakes. Maybe you need to review the various methods of manipulation with the OT so that you are a step ahead of him. My daughter had four manipulation techniques (cry, avoid/ignore, distract, and "I'm so cute, I don't have to do that") down solid by the time she was 9 months old and still uses them (or tries to) whenever she senses any weakness at all. You do your son no good service by letting him manipulate you or anyone else - especially the therapists.
I'm sure MB will have some practical advice for you.

[MB]

Chris too,
I've never heard of the four manipulations - thanks for the info!

mb