behavior problems too..but do your kids really

[Ericsmomma]

Eric's teacher called and told me they are having trouble with him choking and biting the other kids....lately he has been doing this at home too with my granddaughter. I don't know why he is doing this....he's usually very gentle. When he does this at home, I usually make him sit, explain that he needs to be "gentle", ...that he is hurting Addy. But I'm not sure he understands this concept. His teacher isn't sure either. I am very upset....he's in a self-contained classroom with other kids with disablities and he kinda picks on the kids that can't help themselves. He is especially close with one little guy who is in a wheelchair and non-verbal...Eric loves him, and is usually so gentle, but yesterday his teacher said he "bit" him on the hand!
And he especially zeroes in on another non-verbal boy, and he chokes him! This has been going on for about 2 weeks at school, and a few days at home. His teacher is not sure how to handle
him....I'm taking him to our pediatrician tomorrow cuz he did fail his hearing test again...looks like fluid or perforation in both ears,
so maybe he's not feeling too good. I also asked if they had a behavior specialist who could come and observe, so this may be an option. I guess my question is do you think your kids understand the concept of hurting...right or wrong, etc.? I'm not sure...he seems like he doesn't quite get it! And if not, how do you convey this concept? And if he does, and he's just being ornery, how do you correct this behavior?

[Becky]

Justin has just started hitting other kids in his class and it is the ones that cant help themselfs, he has jsut started doing this, we are at the Drs office yesterday and there was a boy about 9 sitting on the floor kciking the table making lots of noise and Justin went right over and hit him in the face then walked off laughing,he did get in trouble but sure he knew why, his teacher said he will laugh after he hits the kids at school, she will put him in time out and explain hurt to him and we both show him gentle, the other day , first off no one call DHS on me, LOL
Justin hit me and I hit him back sorta hard and said HURT and he looked at me and signd sorry and kissed my hand and then held his hand to me to kiss, this was yesterday and today the teacher said it didnt hit at all today, Im not saying hit your son to show him hurt but I think it got the point across to Justin, I did not hit more like a smack on the back of his hand.
Good luck
Becky

[Chris]

Sarah is pretty aggressive, too. She hits or knocks kids down. I am quite sure she understands it is wrong but whatever pleasure she gets from bullying is greater than the punishment. She also loves to throw objects and food. Lately she is grabbing other kid's food and throwing it on the floor. We need to send her to MB's for the summer.

Chris

[MB]

Two things for the choking.

1. Have all staff and you parents give him deep pressure hugs throughout the day. Don't want to hear about any weighted vests. Deep pressure hugs from human beings.

2. He has to apologize to the victim even if it is hand over hand sign language. Then, he has to walk by the vicitim three times without touching the victim to demonstrate that he can keep his hands to himself.

I don't think our young children with Ds understand the concept of gentle.

Knocking kids down I think is our kids way of gaining control of the situation or getting sensory input. Again, the hugging all day should help if it is sensory. If it is a control thing, show the child with Ds that he/she will have even less control if he/she knocks someone down.

I would do the apology and the walk by.

mb

[Debbie]

Sometimes I would get too rough when my sister and I played together. One time I hit her on the head with some type of instrument. I got in trouble that time. I just didn't think about what I did. I was older than her. We played alot and sometimes I would get too rough when we were on the floor. Of course I eventually grew out of that as I grew older. My sister and I didn't play together once she developed other friendships. I became quiet and shy.

[Chris too]

I always love it when MB gives her tips. I especially love the deep pressure hugs - great for poor propriaceptors!

But, I must disagree about the not getting the gentleness thing. Stevie got very beligerant right on cue ('bout the same as my others) at about 9 months - she'd rip the lips right off of your face when she was feeling a bit grouchy; and hair pulling, pinching, scratching, and trying to hit. But we did the same with her as with the others: stern voice "Stefanie, no pinching. " sweet voice: "be gentle" with a demo of a gentle touch or stroke using her little hand. Worked like a charm every time, though it takes consistancy over a couple of weeks, and upon the diminishing returns of this rough behavior. She's been having a small bout of the beligerance now that she's almost 3, but it's disappearing much quicker, and is much less severe.

They can get it if we model it for them. Gentle is just a word until they've done it; make him do it.

Chris

[chasesmom]

Now that Chase is older I know he understand that he hurts people when he hits them but I wasnt sre when he was younger at all so I agree with MB.....hmmmm, what is happening here MB?LOL I also agree with the deep pressure hugs whether he wants them or not but I had Chase wearing the vest thru out the day to supplement those hugs when he felt the need. The vest was there as well as a weighted blanket and he learned to let them know when he wanted or needed one of them, it greatly helped with the hitting/biting/kicking/pushing stuff as well as those deep pressure hugs did thru out the day. Chase also ALWAYS had to say sorry and when he was old enough to write, he had to write it on a note and oh my how he hated that consequence but it worked quite well. I am not sure what MB's take on this will be 8-)but Chase has always had a HUGE soft spot for tears and so I have always used what was availible and taught his teacher to use this and it worked well for her also to stop the mean behavior quickly....when Chase would hurt someone, if they were able to, head went down and they pretended to cry or if they were not able to, teacher's head went down and she would cry. Chase was ALWAYS Johnny o the spot to find out why and was very upset to find out it was because HE made the teacher so sad because he hurt someone. Chase doesnt want to make anyone sad ever so it was a very easy way to stop said behavior..shame on us? Maybe but hey if it works...I used it, he no longer hits other kids Thank the good Lord for that. Good Luck Dolly, let me know how it goes
hugs, Robin

[Chris too]

Gosh, Robin, I think it's great that you used the tears because it clearly indicates that harm was done. It makes the proper connection for Chase to see the results of his actions. Don't know how in the world you could argue against this measure.

Chris

[MB]

I love the tears thing. It is a natural consequence of hurting someone.

mb

[CC]

For Christopher it took a bit of doing hand over hand when he was tiny showing him gentle, too hard, hurt...

I think he was 5, in kindy when we realized how ruff he was but he himself not realizing it. Basically we realized it by the way he was with animals and how he would just grab them and such.

I honestly think they need to learn what the word "gentle" means, but just my take on it

OMG now put him with a baby and he is the most gentle ;D

They get is but need to be taught Just my thougths

CC ~

[Claire]

Adam did the slapping, and pushing too. It took us a long time to make him understand that it hurt.Actually with the hitting he realized it when another kid hit him right back as hard as he had hit him.
The teacher made them both appologize to each other. I guess until that point Adam did not know slapping it hurt. Even though we always told him it hurt, he didn't really understand the concept until he got it himself. Now he knows what hurt means.
As for pushing others around, it was almost like it was a little bully, power battle with him. He had to be first in line for everything. Not allowing him to be and being gentle about telling him he had to take his turn eventullay worked for us.
Now he is into a new emotrion "MAD" and doesn't seem to know how to deal with it.
The other day I punished his sister who is 11 and she started to cry. Well he started to cry too then walked over to my coffee cup and slammed it on the floor and looked at me and said "No mad me" So he was protecting his sister.
It was hard to ignore but I simply walked over and said "Hey hitting things hurt, is your hand hurt?" He replied "yes" So I said Adam is mad do this:
I made him stump his foot on the floor and say I'm mad 3 times.
I think our kids need a way to be able to express themselves especially when they are limited with their vocabulary.
He did hit again at the TV when he was mad but that was the only time. He hurt his hand on the TV and then stumped his foot on the floor and said "Adam mad"