Another bad day and possible suspension

[laurasnowbird]

Jodi,

I really don't have anything to offer except encouragement. I'm reading answers you get with great interest, because I could be faced with this as well. My gut says that Robin hit the nail on the head. NOBODY likes to feel like they have done something wrong, and while they are giving Ryan lots of opportunities to be "bad", they seem to be giving him few opportunities to be "good". And Robin has been faced with some of the toughest discipline problems that anyone here can imagine and come through them beautifully. She definitely knows what she's talking about.

I think CC had some good questions, and I'd be looking into those things, and of course, MB has some great ideas!

You may think this a little extreme, and I know it is the end of the year, but I think giving Ryan a break with some of the activities MB suggested might allow him to finish the year feeling good.

While they're making him feel successful at school, I'd be calling an IEP, and letting them know that you require the attendance of ALL of the team members. IDEA 2004 mandates that all of the team must participate unless you excuse them IN WRITING. I would impress upon them the urgent need to get to the bottom of this to make next year better for Ryan and make sure they understand you expect them to come up with a plan and modifications that will allow Ryan to be successful. I wouldn't let him start the next school year without an overhaul of his IEP. Something isn't working for him, and they need to apply themselves to figuring out what it is. You are supporting them as best as you can at home, but they need to figure the school part out. Of course I'm sounding like a hard liner, and I would never sound that way in my letter requesting the IEP, but you know what I mean, right? Put a positive spin on it, tell them you know they can figure this out, and then see what they come up with. Be ready to call another IEP right after the school year starts if the new one isn't working. Maybe suggest a follow-up date for the team to meet say, two weeks after school starts to discuss how his year is going. If they won't do that, remember you always have the right to call an IEP.

Good luck, Jodi. I can hear your frustration, and I can imagine I would be just as frustrated, if not more so. We're all thinking of you. HUGS! Laura

[Jodi]

This is the email I got from the school's beh spcl... Keep in mind that our goal this last year was to have Ryan be more independent. He is expected to sit at his desk and do his work without a lot of promoting and he can have assistance if he asks for it appropriately...

Thanks for the update, Jodi, and for your support. I know it is hard to be that tough, but he needs to see that behavior at school has impact to other parts of his life.

I'm concerned about his continued high need for attention at school. It is easy at home with only two children for him to not need to "turn take" and "share" the attention. He needs to get positive attention, but just be careful so that he waits his "turn" for attention at home as well (have him wait if you are on the phone, wait his turn to communicate, even wait to push his Springboard sentence until it his his turn to speak, etc. These are little things, but they are very easy to slip past people when he is in non-school settings. Consistency across settings is important.

Any chance as a "break" from his room that he could do some chores to earn money to buy a replacement shirt (at the Thriftshop!) If he has a any sense of the value of money to buy what he wants with his money (which he should), then using some of his money for the replacement shirt might be an idea (and taking him and making him give the money to the clerk). Does he need a t-shirt under his "strings" or duct-tape to make the shirt decent enough for school?

Since he seems to be having high attention needs, the "breaks" from his room shouldn't include technology, but might include reading a book to him, putting together a puzzle...giving him some attention as long as his behavior is appropriate.

____

Ryan has been used to being able to gain attention. There has been a lot of ignoring of some behaviors, which will drive him nuts. I think a lot of his behaviors are due to him wanting attention NOW! But I do have doubts about that sometimes, hence why I am asking for input, checking with drs, etc. There are some settings (like grandparents) where Ryan is so catered to because people "feel bad" for him (blah!!). He also gets away with things from certain people in my family for the same reasons. It's hard for some people to treat him like a typical kid - don't baby him etc.

This is a two-way street though and I do believe that certain people who do expect for from him are just on edge and so are ready to pounce at the first sign of non-compliance.

You all had some great comments, and I will take ALL of them into consideration!

I kinda want to move to Michigan right now ;D

The new behavior plan for next year to all about getting Ry to use his device to communicate WHY he is acting out. We are trying to get him to talk more/act less.

MB you had some great suggestions, but the trouble with them in our situation is they play right into the behaviors we have worked so hard to eliminate - that whole 1 on 1 attention thing. I can see maybe doing it for a day, but then Ryan would expect to be catered to again and again... he can be very demanding that way. I do appreciate your input though. Any thoughts on the beh spclist email?

Honestly I throw a chair too if means getting the teachers off there butt for some entertainment:)

That made me crack up - thanks Cynthia!

I think the one thing that has ticked me off the most is there have been remarks made about what is done at home (consistency in ALL settings). DH is not perfect, and he often takes the brunt of a lot of criticism that we don't expect enough and aren't tough enough at home. DH is the softie and will let Ry off the hook way more than I would. HOWEVER I get the feeling that we are the BLAME for what is going on right now... I don't like that at all.

Geeze I'm rambling again... I will update you all later. Thanks for your advice. Ryan went to bed at 7 and was still sleeping by 8 this a.m. so maybe he is just not well right now

[SuziF]

My first thought is about the pencil thing...why doesn't the teacher take the pencil if she sees he's ripping his shirt with it ? Make him use felt tip washable markers or those skinny twist up crayons.
If they stand there & let him destroy stuff w/o intervening, they're as wrong as he is!
Also, it's not that big of a deal to have him miss a field trip over ! Geesh, they sound like the children!

[momofrussell]

Refresh my memory Jodi... what kinda class and placement is Ryan in right now?

A.

[Jodi]

A - Ryan is in a K-2 SDC class, he is in 2nd grade. He will sometimes go to the kinder class next door.

DH got back from docs - ear infection is gone, no visible signs of other medical problems...

Ryan went to school for about an hour and did fine. Tomorrow will be a full day... keep your fingers crossed!!! He's out of jail tonight (from his room). I usually hear from his teacher but not a word today, no email. I called and one of the aids told me he had a good hour LOL.

[kerri]

If the teacher and aides are burnt out and don't have a positive attitude toward Ryan, he may sense this. Ryan deserves a teacher who expects the best from him not one who is looking for the worst.

It could also be a matter of how he is asked. Once we taught Yosh to say please, he got very stubborn about being asked to do something if we didn't say please. It took us a while to figure this out and he got in a lot of trouble for not listening until we realized that Yosh just wanted the same courtesy we expected from him.

[chasesmom]

Jodi...the thing that MOST caught my eye in your last post was the words you said the teacher used when you said she told you
" no one can HANDLE Ryan" Dogs are handled, tigers and lions are handled, even elephants are handled, but little boys do not need a handler nor do they need to be handled. I think Ryan's teacher is a d**n bully and has become frustrated and decided to take it out on Ryan for the rest of the year. I am hoping you will take MB's list and copy it and walk into Ryan's classroom and hand it over and say that this is what Ryan needs to do the rest of the year when he chooses not to participate with the others. I also am a firm believer that children should not go without lunch because they are being punished, eat it cold, yes, but not go without. Ryan's teacher and I would not get along. I also think I am hearing you say Ryan doesnt have a one on one of his own if I am right?? If that is true, that needs to be the first of many corrections the school needs to make for Ryan, he needs his own one on one and this is a prime example of why, please dont take no for an answer. If they lay the money is too tight card on the table you just sympathize but explain that is NOT Ryan's problem. I would love to see you stop the punishment at home that is running over from school and see what happens. I agree with MB on that, it is too much, Ryan has given up I fear. Would you consider keeping school and home seperate for a while and not bringing what happens at school into the house for a while and see what goes? I think it will be a big plus for Ryan because I think school is knocking the kiddo down too far. How long have you been working with the same behavior consultant can I ask and have you seen any positives come from this? The little behaviors you describe seem to be not much but appear to be blown into huge things by the school, I am seeing a big problem here with these little mole hills being turned into mountains. Give Ryan a hug for me ok and slap that school system for me
hugs, Robin

[chasesmom]

hmmmmm, I just saw your post Jodi, I didnt see the second page until after I posted to the first page, duh:)
I hope I dont get into trouble here....MB keep me in check if I get off base because this idea ofmine may be wrong but I'm going to say it anyway ok guys and gals?
It seems everyone has forgotten one very important thing.... Ryan has a disability...he has DS. He may be 8 and in the third grade or was it second? but sheesh you guys, I read what the heck that lunatic behavior spl said I was cracking up!!!!! My youngest son is 8 and he doesnt have a disability, yes he actually still interrupts me when I am on the phone and I excuse myself and remind him not to, but the world isnt going to end....and let Ryan out of his room to do chores? And earn money to buy a shirt? That is all good and well but Ryan is NOT 8 mentally, lets remind them of that okay??? He is younger, I repeat..he is NOT an eight year old child like other eight year old children and it is rediculous to expect him to act like one when it isnt possible. So he wants attention? That is a horrible thing? We all want attention, we all want to be the center of the world. That is where we teach Ryan when and where he can be and it's ok for mom and dad and grandma and grandpa to make him feel like he is the most important when they choose to, and how you treat Ryan outside of school is NONE of the beh spl business. I personally would email them back and ask if they would like he paper they sent the email on back so they have TP for the summer, grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr, and my next step would be to insist the school district find a new improved beh spl for you or better yet do what we did and call your local or state advocacy agency and ask for the name of their best behavioral specialist (for you Chris too) and insist the school district hire the person to work with your son. remember, it's true, the squeaky wheel DOES get the grease. My special ed superintendent for the entire county told me that personally while he helped me invent the program we put into place for Chase with an open checkbook in his hand. Don't give up Jodi, it's almost the end of the year, stick to your guns and insist they do with Ryan some of those wonderful suggestions MB gave you so he can feel successful.
hugs, Robin

[Chris too]

Go Robin!

Hey, I meant that I could use a beh specialist (you know for my behavior) - just a bit a levity to ease the stress Sorry, I guess it was a bad joke Thanks for the info anyway.
Chris

[Jodi]

Robin, you crack me up! Your post made me laugh, think, sigh, and ponder.

Ryan had a 1:1 in kinder at that was one of the worst things we could have done. He was not included in the group, had no expectations, and whenever he acted up, the aid took him out of the class rather than teaching Ryan how to act appropriately.

We moved to a sdc two years ago. 1 teacher, 2 aids, 10-12 kids. Ryan went from needing constant supervision/assistance, to working independently and participating in the group appropriately. This was a huge difference, but the progress was, and continues to be very slow.

I think sometimes the focus on behavior overshadows everything else and we (yes, including me) forget he is a kid - and by Jov, he is NOT perfect!

There are many things that have been posted about how wrong some of the actions have been on the part of the teacher/principal, and I completely agree with some of those statements. I have sent some communications and have cleared some of the air, but there is some awkward tension right now due to finger pointing and the blame game.

Anyhow, thanks to all of you for your support and suggestions.

Jodi

[momofrussell]

Glad you are clearing the air Jodi... I know it must be hard to figure out WHAT is a good "consequence" for Ryan so the tensions must be high right now. I know I already said it but the behavioral plan needs to be re addressed and even Positive Behavior Intervention needs to be thought about too. Or Ryan will always have to suffer the consequences. Truly, spec needs or not there HAS to be some kind of consquence. They may have handled it all wrong, there wasn't anything in writing to address the severity of what happened... and they failed to THINK before they leaped.. but he HAS to know if he does "this"... "this" will happen.

With a PBI (what we call them here) it's more of a "if you do something GOOD" we will reinforce it too"... it promotes good natural consequence for the GOOD behavior.. which needs to be addressed... and then If Ryan does something icky.. well, you need to tweak the current plan to figure out the best way for it.

And again... read up on how your district handles gen ed kids in times like these and make sure they are NOT addressing Ryan in a henious (sp?) way that they wouldn't with a gen ed kid.. keep them accountable and Ryan accountable somehow.

HUGS!

A.