Need to vent a little

[Valerie]

First, let me assure you all I love my son very much, but I've had a rough couple days with him and feel the need to vent.

I don't know if it's the age or "stage" he's in, but everything is a fight right now, and I'm soooo tired of having to fight with him on every little thing! I want to be able to say "Come here and wash your face" and he'll come wash his face. Or "Stop throwing the dog food" and he'll stop throwing the dog food. Or "Let's go in the house now" and he'll go in the house. But instead, I have to say it over and over and over again, and more often than not, physically make him do whatever it is I want/need him to do. And he is 40 lbs of strong fight! I am so tired when the day is done!

Then, as the day goes on, I start feeling like this horrible, terrible mother, because all we're doing is fighting! Even when it's something that should be fun for both of us, like taking him swimming, which he loves and so do I, it turns into a major job instead of just a fun day. Some days with him I just feel worn out.

And I've always loved summer vacations and having Derek home for the summer when he was little. Now, with Nicholas, I find myself counting the days until he goes back so I can have a little break. Then I feel bad about that, too!

Again, please don't get me wrong. I love him very much and usually we do fine. I'm also usually one to not let things get to me and just kind of roll with the punches. Guess maybe I'm just tired right now, I don't know. Anyway, thought maybe I'd vent to people who might understand a little bit. Sorry for rambling!

Thanks for reading!

[Ericsmomma]

Valerie,
Please, vent away! We've all been there! Its not that we don't love our kids, but sometimes we don't like what they are doing. I was the same way with my typical children too. They can push your buttons, ya know? And you are only human...you DO get tired, and discouraged...some days more than others. And the guilt! I beat myself up regularly about stuff....but we are only human...can't do it all. Its not an easy road with kids (any kids), and maybe take it one day at a time. p.s. I can't wait till school starts either...I think my guy is BORED...and when he's bored, boy does he act out!...Good Luck!

[Haleysmom]

Not implying this will fix it - but I find w/Haley she does much better in situations when I prepare her before hand as to how I expect her to act. Example she is an only child and will sometimes annoyingly play with her "stars" (most imaginary friends are from the Disney Channel!) even when she is with other children at the beach - plays scenes from her fav show of the day and annoys the crap out of others when she is asked to stop and she ignores them. - If my sister is taking her to the beach, that morning I talk with excitement about her day (she soooooo loves the beach) and tell her point blank - no pretend friends today only play with real kids/people! Beleive it or not (and I don't begin to understand why) this works! If I can anticipate her unaccepted behavior and address it BEFORE it happens, I'm usually successful. Give it a try.

[Kristin]

I've always said the "terrible twos" were much easier for me than the "formidable fours". Both of my daughters, DS or not, were much more trying at four. I can't wait for the youngest to go to kindergarten in another week! They've been asking when school starts!

[Chris too]

Haleysmom, I do the same thing with all 6 of mine - including, now, Stevie who's 2. She is new to the idea, so she always looks me carefully in the eyes to see if I really mean it, then she's okay with the plan - mostly. She's only 2; I think that's pretty good. You really have to keep ahead of them, otherwise you're worn out chasing after them.

Chris, too

[MB]

I can't even go back to the age of four and five. It is nothing but a blurr of exhaustion, anger and bad feelings. Please feel free to vent. Many of us have been there.

mb

[Pat]

MB's right. By the way the nice part here is that you do Not need to explain you love you child. That's a given. It's also a given you don't always love your childs behavior! LOLOL So vent away.
It will get better, I promise, even if you don't believe me right this moment.
Pat

[Emilysmom]

Valerie,
I'm so glad you knew you could vent to us! We all know how very much you love your son........no doubt about that! But, yes........parenting at it's easiest can still be tough. And in the stage you mentioned, it can be extra hard. Hang in there and know you can vent here anytime.

Susan

[Jodi]

Hi Valerie~

Vent away!!! I'm about to post a vent on the dreaded potty issue again! UGH!!!

Anyway, I know you did not ask for advice. I just wanted to share a couple of ideas that might help - but skip 'em if you aren't in the mood

Maybe you can teach him to "listen" to you. Maybe start with "I need you to stop what you are doing and listen (visuals - hand in the "stop position, and then point to the ear for "listen"). When he is looking at you, make the request. If he doesn't do what he is told - time-out? Misses out on an activity? If he is done what he is told, verbal praise - "thanks for stopping and listening" or maybe more concrete rewards at first.

Hang in there!!!

Jodi

[victoriasdad]

lol ,, most of what i get from victoria is NO WAY!!!! and GO AWAY!!! ur a great mom , u have a great child and here is a great big hug from my family to urs!!

[Jessie]

I wasn't around when Jason was that age, but I hear it was no picnic. I agree with Haleysmom's advice - we find that works fairly well when we know we are going to be in a potentially difficult situation. For instance, he used to always pull out all the stops when it came time to leave grandma's house - Brian had to physically drag him out - but once we told him what we expected of him when we first got there, remarkably it worked. Brian hasn't had to drag him out of there in quite a while. Now, that can't work in every situation because there are unexpected circumstances (such as being on a 12th floor balcony of a very nice hotel at a certain conference recently!).

Hang in there, it will get better! Just remember, this too shall pass . . .


Jessie

[Chester]

I hear ya Mom. Vent away.

Dawn
A Mom of a very stubborn 5 year old.

[CC]

I can so relate

My guy although older really does need structured days, he does so much better. So I am counting the days till school starts and not feeling guilty bout it one bit LOLOL

CC~

[mollysmomma]

Molly and I are fighting over potty training...and I'm about ready to cry UNCLE!!

It's definitely become a power struggle between us, and a form of "control" for her!

UGH UGH UGH!! I feel your pain sister!! How old is he??? She's seven...going on 17

e & molly kate

[Valerie]

Thanks everyone for the support and for understanding. I knew you would!

So, now for a little update, which actually makes me feel even worse! Day after I wrote this, he woke up with one eye matted shut, stinky drainage from one ear, and thick yellow snot from his nose.

I knew his behavior seemed worse the couple days before, but for some reason didn't even consider the possibility that he might be getting sick, and I am usually so good at thinking about that and watching for it! These are the times when I REALLY wish his ability to speak was better. I want him to be able to tell me when something is wrong.

Anyway, got some antibiotics and he is acting much better! Not saying that will be the end of any behavior problems, he is after all a very stubborn 4 yr old! But, at least this particular problem is resolved!

Thanks again!