I'm NOT the ONLY ONE!! RIGHT ON, DAVE!

[mollysmomma]

davehingsburger.blogspot.com/2007/10/still-mad.html


Still Mad

Several weeks ago Joe and I are grocery shopping on the way home from work. I am in the narrow passageway between tills waiting to pay.

Three of the stores employees are joking at the Customer Service desk directly in front of me.

The produce manager laughs at something that the clerk said and remarked back, loudly, "Don't be such a retard."

Retard.

My temper flew out of me. "Watch your mouth."

The manager turned and saw me but had no idea what had me so riled, "Pardon me?" He asked.

"I can't believe that you would use that word, here.

I come into this store as a customer and I have to sit here and listen to a bigot spewing hatred."

I was really, really, mad.

He gets offended, "I said no such thing."

He didn't know what I was talking about but slipped into an aggressively defensive mode - a mode common to bullies.

"Don't even try to deny that you used a hateful word to describe someone with a disability."

"I think he means, 'Retard' boss." The clerk said, hoping to be helpful but adding fuel to the fire.

Then they both got an angry and loud speach about the use of hateful words about disability.

That I as a disabled customer should not be assualted by that kind of hatemongering trash when I come into a store. I let them know that I knew, and liked, people with intellectual disabilities and that I found it outrageous that they could use that word.

"We didn't mean anything by it," said the third of the three.

"The word has meaning attached to it, you can't will it away."

The whole store was quiet. Everyone was listening. I asked for the manager's card. I got home a letter went off that day to the general manager of the store and to the head of personnel for the chain.

God bless the letter.

Well, I got an answer in today's mail. It was a wimpy apology, said that the store employees didn't understand the hurtful nature of the word and that, not to worry, they'd have a training session on appropriate language.

A Training Session.A TRAINING SESSION.A FRIGGING FRAGGING FROGGING TRAINING SESSION.Oh well, all better then.

The average age of the three of them would have been 40.

What 4 year old doesn't know that calling names is wrong.

That using racist language is wrong.

That picking on vulnerable people is wrong. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.

Well, I called the nice personnel lady and let her know that I thought the idea was silly.Sorry.I want punishment.Tell people not to use racist language and then fire them for doing it.

Tell people not to use sexist comments to customers and then fire them for doing it.

Tell people that disphobic, disablist, d**ning words about disability won't be used and then fire them for doing it.

Enough. Enough. Enough. Enough.I told her that I thought they needed POLICY not training.

She told me that they did have policy on the use of racial slurs and sexual innuendo and even, hear she breathed deeply because she was proud, had policy on homophobic language.Rah, Rah, Rah, what about hateful language about disability?

What about me having to be in a store and listen to three employees toss the term 'Retard' around with abandon.
Not knowing if there was a person with an intellectual disability in ear-shot, not knowing if they'd just ruined the day of a mother of a kid with a disability, not knowing if they just encouraged other thoughtless oafs to use the word too.

Have I said, ENOUGH.

The nice lady said that I had a point.

Where do they train these people?? Oh, I forgot, they train them in training sessions.

So what's to be done about it?

"We'll review our policies ... and ..." here she paused, "have them all in for training.

"Well, I've written the course text ...DON'T CALL PEOPLE NAMES!

Another letter has gone off, this time to the guy at the top of the chain.Thank God for letters.

[Emilysmom]

I couldn't agree with Dave more! At a time when it's completely inappropriate to use racial slurs (to me, it took us way too long to realize that was WRONG), sexual slurs, and others............WHY is it so hard for people to see that using the term "retard" is the same horrible, inflamatory, rude, hateful type of thing?? It shouldn't still be happening in this day and age. I really appreciate it when people who are not parents of kids with disabilities get upset and talk with others about this, because I'm afraid that WE as parents sometimes get seen as "being overly sensitive", etc. So, good for Dave!

Susan

[Jackie]

PERFECT...just PERFECT...I want to go to one of this man's lectures...if he is still giving them.

Jackie

[ALLISA]

I, too am amazed at the number of people who use this word freely. Grown, educated professionals....

I'm sure you have all seen this, but I'll post anyways for some who have not.....

www.youtube.com/watch?v=CoqaNG0Ozqc

I believe he went on to deliver the same speech to Illinois Legislature....highly commendable for a high school kid !

here is a nice interview of him....what a geat brother !

www.youtube.com/watch?v=u4it1fy9wC4&mode=related&search=

[CC]

I am kind of on the fence bout this

I did very much enjoy reading this so THANKS for posting but to be fired for using the R word Hmmm seems a bit much to me but on the same hand I do understand why some get offended

For myself there are many times I have overheard kids using the word and just thought Hmmm they didn't seem to be referring to anyone like Chris in particular KWIM?? BUT then there were times that one did use the R word and was referring to Chris and I was very upset Then I heard one of the ST's that I use to like was at a party and was using the R word and honestly it made me look at her in a different light.

So as I said I am really on the fence with this topic, but to lose a job over it Hmmmm I just think that is a bit much

It all needs to start at home and in school I think, accepting all is something I think is lacking big in our society today

Anywho with all that rambling LOL THANKS for sharing this, I have never seen it before.

CC ~

[ALLISA]

You make a good point CC....I wouldn't want to have someone fired for using the word ( because often people use it as an adjective, not calling my child that word).....BUT.....If I heard someone directly call her that.....wow.....I'm pretty sure my head would pop off and then maybe I would be looking for pink slips.

But the thought is....if someone used the N word.....would we be offended enough to call for a firing ? And if yes is the answer.....then why not for this word.

[mollysmomma]

then you agree, that it was a mistake to fire Don Imus???

words hurt...and words that are born of hate...need to be dealt with!

A f*g used to be a cigarrette when i was growing up...then it got reallllllllllllly funny, overused, and a new meaning for it was born out of hate....then Matthew Shepherd was murdered....just for being 'different'...and the public got enlightened, and it's usuage plummetted.

there is a pattern evolving in our society about the lessening of the value of life and a growing tolerence of hate...and the hate language.

it's the ADJECTIVE that i SO oppose to!!

and that's usually is my tag line when dealing with co-workers.

"oh come on now, you look like an intelligent person...SURELY you can find a better adjective than MY DAUGHTER to describe something weird or uncomfortable!"

I work in retail...and lemme tell ya, there are things you DO NOT SAY! the R word??? definitely needs to be on that list! In fact, i printed off dave and handed him off to my Director yesterday!

If we don't speak up for our children, then who will??? the word has become SO integrated into our language, because the people it offends...sometimes cannot voice their outrage.

IT'S MOMMY TIME!!

[victoriasdad]

first i want to say i use to say that word if not commonly, at least enough to be embarrassed. my mother use to call us mongoloids if we were doing something stupid (she was born in 1940) its kinda of funny, my mom never raised us to be bigots, nor to make fun of people with disabilites, she did admonish us not to stare at people with disabilities(not stare=ignore?)

of couse when i hear the word i cringe,,, i accept the use of the word retardation when used in a clinical context, using the word retard, betard, tard, or beating your chest with ur hand while grunting is no longer acceptable to me, i must say that my wife has never tolerated the word used in our home even before victoria was born, my wife is a ddt/cna at the state hospital and takes care of people with severe retardation or brain trauma, she is very defensive about "her people"and would probably punch you in the throat if u use the word incorrectly, "ratard"

there is nothing good about the word, period, nothing but ignorance, intolerance, and fear! funny though people that wouldnt use the word retard dont have any problem using the word moron............. what does moron mean? its someone with a IQ of 50 or less (maybe 75 i cant remember) but the point is calling someone a moron is the same as calling someone a retard, so what are we going to do now , when someone uses that word in front of us? i usually

[CC]

"then you agree, that it was a mistake to fire Don Imus???"

Well truth be told and I am sure probably a very unpopular opinion here yes I do.

What he said was absolutely wrong that is for sure BUT he apologized to the gals, the team and from what I heard they accepted his apology.

Honestly I have never ever even listen to Don Imus and the only reason I heard what he said was because it was repeated over and over on the news. All the newscasters in our area were repeating what he said over and over for nights on end Not sure that was a great thing either, KWIM.

So no I do not think he should have been fired I do think he should have apologized, which he did and maybe a suspension of some sort but fired Hmmm NOPE.

Honestly I am in no way saying its right for ones to use the R word just as its not right to use the N word actually there are lots of words that people should think before they say them...

I was just saying I don't get as heated as some due on this subject and just questioning if it calls for lost of employment. Maybe it would have to be on a case to case decision you know depending on how the whole thing went down, KWIM

CC ~

[Chris too]

I think that the common usage of this and any derrogatory names is a symptom of a greater problem in our society. We are too quick to belittle others and too slow with sympathy. In the Dave story, the clerk wasn't quick enough in understanding what the boss was trying to tell him, so the boss got impatient and dealt with his irritation the way he's always done - he went to name-calling. Same thing with using "retarded" to describe something we either don't like or don't understand. It comes of laziness in our communication with others. We don't want to be bothered with other people's problems, even when we interact with them on a regular basis.

Until we as a society begin to take the time to really relate to those around us, and teach our kids to do the same, we will have these kinds of "retarded" issues.

JMO
Chris too

[Debbie]

My Dad said that sometimes when you say what you think responsibilties come along with it. Maybe it depends on what you say and how you say it. What Don Imus said was awful. These were young adults doing something fun. He attacked at their appearance and that is what I think is worse. Words do hurt and are remembered. You can't take them back. Well, I liked what Dave said. I have felt this way before many times. I don't know if I could have control over myself though because I am sensitive.
Anyway, what does that word mean to people? It is negative to them so they use it in a negative way. They have a certain stereotype in their mind so this is what they know. You can educate all you want, but, it really comes down to attitude. You have to want to be changed.

[Emilysmom]

Debbie,
I agree with what your dad said. We do have responsibilities that go along with the words we utter. And in the case of Don Imus and many others, they have a responsibility because of the sheer numbers of people they reach with their words. Public figures should be compelled to use a bit of caution, and if they don't........they have to know there will be consequences. I personally think the consequences for him were appropriate.

In the case of the grocery store employees, there would be many ways to handle it. I believe they HAD to learn that their words hurt. I'd like to think that even without a training session, they might be more cautious. I think we HAVE to educate people! We can do it in all sorts of ways. Dave Hingsburger chose to handle it with an angry outburst, followed up by phone calls to appropriate people. I tend to handle it more kindly.......but I'm learning to not let an opportunity pass me by without saying SOMETHING. Not long ago at work, a coworker said "I'm such a retard" (after saying something stupid). I immediately made eye contact with her and said "Don't say that. Retarded is NOT stupid. It means slow.....and there's nothing wrong with that.". Her reply?? "Ok then..........I'm slow, so I guess I AM retarded". She giggled foolishly at her own "joke". I didn't smile at all. I said something to the effect of how I would never consider it funny to use words like that. We're still friends, and she hasn't used that term again.

If every single one of us can help just ONE person to see the harm in using derogatory language like this, and the ONE person we teach can teach just ONE more.........just think how much more accepting and KIND our world would be!!!!!!! I refuse to see myself as being overly sensitive about this. I don't think "some people" should be offended by this. I think we should ALL take a stand in our own neighborhood, in our own family, and in our own manner. I'd love to think that Emily and all the babies being born today with Ds will NEVER have to hear negative references to mental retardation!! Call me naive.....I'd also love to think that none of us will have to hear the "N" word or any other hateful term too. We really CAN make a difference!

Susan

[mollysmomma]

my one save...kinda???

this young woman, invited me to a site on myspace...that had all the members from my little town here.

i go to look at her profile, and sure enough...she uses THAT WORD to describe herself...so i flip her a message...thank her for the invite, but decline siting that word, and not wanting people that I connect to...stumbling on my hillbilly friends.

she snapped back and talked about her 5 yr old little brother who was autistic, and i fired back with the dave article, and the katie courick video...

this was her reply:


i understood how you feel much better after reading this which is why i have changed what my profile says. i still feel like the word "retard" has changed meaning a little. and i understand why that doesn't make sense to you. after all, i wouldn't say that the "n" word has changed meaning. i, like many others, have somehow worked "retard" into my vocab. without considering what it has meant to others. My brother is 5 years old. Dr's say he has the mind of an 18 month old. I have sort of split the word up. If someone saw my brother being himself and called him a retard, I would infact throw a fit. But if someone called me a retard after walking into a door, I wouldn't be offeneded at all. I can't explain it. But know that I have taken what you've said to heart. And I will think before I say it again.

kimmi

[twosomy21]

i am going to be honest, and remember i have two DS kids-- this word has never 'hit home" like it does today. i have to say eaither i notice it now due to the boys, or i just never pd. attention before? i have the feeling it has always been around like the many other nasty words. i hear people say it and on occasion have said"you should not use that word" and even that makes me feel strange inside because the people i have said that to just reply " Well i am " so you see these people are uneducated,idots that have nothing eles in their limited vocabulary. and mind you i would not carry on a conversation with such a person. but my boys also have all the other traits that typically go with DS- the slanted eyes, glasses (pretty thick, so they are noticable), a unibraw, the walk and talk , somtimes people just stare because as you know these kids carry the disability on their face(have to say mine are the most handsome of all) anywho all the people with DS are much more than THAT WORD it is true DS carries a degree of m.r but also unconditional love ,a kiss, a hug a " i do not care what other peolpe think" attitude just to name a few! so this word bothers me because it does hit home but i am proud to say it is not the one and only sole trait that makes our kids who they are. i will hold my ground and educate people as needed, but the time is wasted on fools. i seem to be protective and when we are out in the community, am always ready for a confrontation if needed, but i should maybe take some lessons from kyle and just be focused on the task at hand shopping,movies eatig out ,enjoing our time together.

[Chris too]

Oooh, I love that, twosomy21: "time is wasted on fools." That's one to remember every day.

Chris too