okay, behavior question...

[Ericsmomma]

Well, before I pull my hair out, does anyone have any suggestions on how to "persuade" Eric not to run out the door?
He goes out the front door and sits on the porch...sometimes will start going down the driveway. He goes out the back door too, but our yard is fenced in so I don't freak out quite as much. We have door alarms, but he's not afraid of them anymore. We are also having a hard time with him going up and down the steps. He can walk up them fairly well, but sometimes coming down he gets excited and doesn't hold on to the rail....our steps are pretty steep, and the landing at the bottom is ceramic tile. We have tried a gate but he gets over it. Same thing at the supper table...loves to bolt from the chair to get to the TV. I'm getting exhausted chasing him 24-7! I've tried time-outs in his room, but he keeps banging on the door and pulls the doorknob(we have a childproof cover on it so he can't open it easily) till he almost breaks the knob. ANYONE HAVE ANY SUGGESTIONS? Its really getting "tense" around here with this kind of behavior. And Eric seems very defiant about it too....love the boy to pieces, but yow!
I'm at a loss on how to help him (me) out.

[twosomy21]

pick your battles- it is fine to go out to the back- because of fence, if he goes to the porch and sits there i suppose that is fine but not going any further-of course all this with supervision. i would say keep repeating , give him rewards for listening and i know this was and still is to a degree one of the things we still are instilling in kyle. it is almost a right of passage to bolt and have adult chasing maybe our kids get a kick out of it?
seriously though i would repeat umpt times untill learned good luck

[Chris too]

Dolly, I have two suggestions: turn the TV off during mealtimes, and find his "currency". Clearly he loves to go outside and the TV; use them - they are money. If there is something else he likes better, use that. Attach consequences to his behaviors so that he gets his "currency" when he behaves properly and has it removed when he does not.
An example: make a new rule: no going outside without permission. Talk this over with Eric: tell him the rule, have him practice asking. Have him practice getting yes and no answers. Tell him that if he goes outside without getting permission, he will lose the privelege for the rest of the day - no going outside. Have him recite this consequence for you: "what will happen if you go outside without permission?" "I stay inside all day." Then once it is all established, stick to it. Also use the rule "when I say to come in, just come in without complaining, or next time you will not be going out." But break it down in terms he will understand and can repeat back. This one works like a charm on my kids when we go to the park - they love to go, so they mind well (they don't want to make Mommy regret taking them!).

As for the stairs, let him fall. He will probably only do it once or twice. I also have ceramic tile at the bottom and a gate - the gate breaks the fall when it fails to prevent the climber going up. Each of my six kids has fallen down the stairs at least once, but not more than twice. What happens is they instinctively spread-eagle and stop themselves going very far. Big, big scare, but usually not even a bruise to show for it.

Best wishes from a real meanie
Chris too

[Pat]

Dolly, One thing John-John hates is when he loses all toys! I actually lock his toys in his sisters' room. Only had to do that once. Actually, he loved all the extra space in his room for the first hour. THEN he missed his toys! That also meant no tv & no computer. Now, I just have to ask if he wants to loose his toys.

I have special locks on doors as I also have a runner. (You already know that!) Alarms Never stopped John-John, they just warned me ;D
Pat

[laurasnowbird]

Dolly,

Sounds like he's testing the limits, LOL! I have to be honest, I would not allow him to go out the door AT ALL without adult permission. Period. No exceptions. And the reason for that is we have found the key is consistency. I understand the back yard is relatively safe, but he has to understand he always needs adult permission to leave the house.

We are big on modeling and practicing here. If Ethan were bolting from the chair to the TV, he would be asked to practice five or six times, getting down from the chair nicely, and walking to the TV. If he wasn't cooperative, he would not be allowed to watch TV until he got it. We stay unemotional, just state what we expect him to do, then have him practice it.

We praise his attempts, and make certain to notice and comment when he does it well. We can't make a huge deal out of it, cuz he actually gets irritated if we overdo the praise, he's not stupid, and he knows it isn't sincere and overdone. But a quiet comment, an affirmation of sorts, works well with him. We "catch him" doing the right thing, KWIM? We would just say something like, "Nice job using your manners when leaving the table, Ethan. Thank you!"

I was able this summer (he's five) to allow him to go outside with his sister and the neighborhood kids and play in our yard with only the supervision and company of the other kids My yard is unfenced, and he really could take off. We worked very hard on boundaries last summer. He had to stay in his yard, and if he left the yard, he had to sit time-out on the porch while the other kids were playing. I drew a line on the driveway with chalk, and if he crossed the line, either on foot or on his bike, he had to sit time-out. We have one of those fluorescent green guys, and we put him out when the kids are playing. It helps a lot that we live on a road that has no thru traffic, just people who live in our neighborhood.

As far as that behavior he exhibiting when you put him in his room for time-out, that is a little tougher one. I'm sure he understands what it means to sit quietly. I would probably let him know that his time-out will continue until he can sit quietly in his room. In the beginning, I would probably allow him to come out almost as soon as he calmed down and was quiet. You kind of have a two step problem here, as I see it. I would make him sit on his bed, and leave the room. If he gets up, and starts banging, I'd go back in, and tell him he needs to sit on the bed quietly before he can leave the room. It is going to be very time-intensive in the beginning, and he may be in there a while, but it will pay off in the end. He has to know you mean it, and that you expect him to sit nicely.

We can literally choose a time-out place in another person's home (like grandma's) and Ethan will sit in it until he is allowed to get up. An example would be: we went to grandma's for a little while last night, cuz he REALLY needed to get out of the house. He's being an irritable little snot, which I understand, but he was being unkind to his little brother, and hit him. Not okay, I don't care how rotten you're feeling. So I chose the couch in the family room (we were all in the living room) and told him he needed to sit time out, that hitting is unacceptable even when you feel rotten. He sat on the couch until I told him he could get up, and then came back and was much nicer.

Sorry to run on about it, but when I come here asking for help, I REALLY want lots of ideas. I hope it gets better SOON!!! Laura

[MB]

You are receiving great advice!

mb

[momofrussell]

Yes.. I agree... GREAT advice!!!!!

A.

[mollysmomma]

molly has a dog...a registered, specialized german shep, and we'll be trying to get him certified as a 'service dog' He is to alert us if she escapes and go with her....she has learned to put him in the back yard, and THEN head out the front!

we have alarmed the doors, bought hook and eyes, and done EVERYTHING possible to keep her in the front door (back yard is fully childproofed and fenced. We actually bought this HOUSE because i lived on the hiway before, and this one is back in the woods...about a mile & 1/2 off the main road. We have no traffic...and own our road.

Now, last year, despite all of our efforts, as i rounded the bend about 3/4 miles from the house, there she was walking up the road with her backpack on. (she will usually prepare for her outings and you'll hear a little 'bye!' as she exits.

I stop the truck, open the passenger door, and before i can berate her for being away from home, she's YELLING at me, pulling off her crocs, and dumping gravel all over...i.e. she's yelling at me about NOT walking on gravel in crocs!!

I call the sarge on the cell, and ask him if he has everything he needs at home (something i do every night) and he says 'yes'....and then i say "what's molly up to?"

before he panics too much, i tell him where we are. He made the AWFUL mistake of going potty!!

She's not made any daring escapes as of late...but all the hardware is still up because neither of us trust the fact that it's a phase and it's over. Plus we both still have to go potty occasionally!

Good Luck. Do what you can do, and pray reallllllllllllllly hard.


e & molly houdini

[Ericsmomma]

E,
I hear ya....Houdini, thats about right! We are in the process of applying for a therapy dog for Eric. (just doing the paperwork now..it could be a 1-2 year wait if we are accepted).
I don't mean to smile, but I can't believe she lets her dog out back first before she takes off....very clever! I never even thought of that scenerio! Your poor hubby....our kids seem to sense when they can make quick get-a-way...they KNOW when we are distracted!
I'll take your advise and keep praying...Eric's guardian angel must sure get a work out!

[cindylou]

Okay- You may all call me bad momma. I'll tell you what I did when Kaylee was this age..

spanked her.

Every time I spanked her she became more obedient.

I did it for each of my kids between the ages of 2-5ish but for Kaylee it was between 3 and 7ish.
Obviously I don't spank her anymore. She's 14...

maybe that's too simple, but it's what I did. Now at age 14 she has the freedom to hang out in our neighborhood with friends--just tell me before she goes out the door. Each of my kids have to do that. Tell me who they're playing with and it what yard.

My issues now is that occasionally Kaylee will get a bee in her bonnett and get up on weekends at say 6, 6:30 - get dressed and go 'check the mail' which is 4 houses down or - get this--go for a JOG..around the neighborhood--which is 32 homes in an T shape ended in our cul-de-sac. For that she gets in trouble.
cindy

[Connie]

Cindy....

How could you, I can't believe you would even go there!!!Bad Bad MOMMA!!!

This coming from the mother who went to school, took her son to the van and paddled his bottom then returned him to class

I am a spanker also!!!

Collin now 7 has been spanked since about age 3 if he did not obey when it came to leaving the house or running from me in parking lots. I did not under any circumstance tolerate either.

If, he left the house without permission I would spank his bottom take him inside and make him ask to go out. Then, I would tell him no and make him stay inside. But, the next time, if he asked I made the point of telling him yes (when appropriate) and making a big deal about since he asked he could go out, whether it was convenient for me at the time or not, just so he would get the connection.

He now comes and asks me if he can go out. We do not have any special locks on our doors and we do not have a fenced in yard. Since we moved into our house he has only left the yard 2x without permission ~ Dads watch both times.

He did however leave our condo room last spring break without permission. I opened the door to find a lady with Collin standing beside her, covering his bottom with his hands saying "I sorry mommy, I sorry" LOL...he got his bottom beat as soon as the door closed and he never left the room with out permission again!!!

Connie

[Connie]

Dolly,

My one suggestion would be to try and pull Eric to the next maturity level with age appropriate behaviors. I know easier said than done!!! But, go with little steps and be consistent.

If, speaking isn't his forte show him the sign for outside and every time he asks "out" or signs it...take him outside and tell him since you asked you can go out but you must stay in the yard. Then, you go inside and watch from the window. If, he leaves the boundaries bring him in immediately and tell him, since you didn't stay "where ever you tell him" you have to come in.

Once he gets the connection with asking to go out, try telling him no we have to wait and if he goes out...he pays the piper!!!

Right now we are working on certain behaviors with Collin at school. We make sure we go over rules and expectations every morning especially the ones he broke the day before.

We will be thinking about you and Eric....keep us posted!!!

Connie

[Chris too]

Connie, it's funny that you say "he pays the piper" 'cause DH tells our kids: "You can obey me or you can pay me" meaning spanking. Guess he's the piper around here

Chris too

[chasesmom]

Dolly.....
I don't mean to LOL...but LOL dear friend, just know I hear ya, feel ya and everything else that goes with it. I spent years trying to find what would stop Chase from leaving the yard, remember, he taught the dog how to climb a fence like a squirrel too and to dig under if that didnt work?
We all do things different here in terms of behaviors....but spanking didnt work for Chase which made me oh so happy when I finally made my soon to be ex stop. All it did was iinstill anger in Chase and teach him to hit. I know Chase has other issues besides the DS but I never learned a thing from being spanked and it never felt right to me to spank a child.
It took consistency, over and over to get him to stay in the yard, and it took a long time for that. It's that d**n impulse thing they have, drives me wild! I finally gave up on chasing him after the year we all were in Chicago I think it was, when he had half of us running around like bb's froom a gun trying to catch his butt. I decided he was having too much fun. I took to walking...slowly and it took alot of his fun away, and for the times he just wandered away and didnt run, I would just follow til I got up to him and take him back to the house....with no emotion (that was always the hardest for me) and put him in his room....you know what the secret of his room being time out is for me? I keep his dor open but keep him in it. He freaks OUT if I close his door. I love what Laura said about making him doing it right over and over....its the key.
As for your steps...TG I never had those to battle with but there has to be a way to slow him down on those without waiting for a fall...eeekkkkk....I say look to our magic genie for that suggestion, and her name is MB.
Hugs, I hope you're going to make the Boston conference...I would love to see you guys again! I bet Eric is so much bigger!
Robin