the "R" word made me wonder

[ALLISA]

I know the "R" word is always a topic that brings a lot of discussion and in some past posts there is talk of "educating" those who use it and hopefully eliminatiing the word from everyday use.

I have always been against that word ( even before Erin was born) as well as calling others stupid & dumb....those are like swears in my household.

But you know what other word does slip in....and is used so much by so many.....and I wonder if it is equally as offensive to some.....

the word "crazy".....it seems to be used all the time....but to someone ( or a family) who is dealing with a serious mental health issue.....this may be offensive

We had neigbors years ago who had a family member that suffered from Szizophrenia ( sp ??) and it was a heartbreaking thing for all of them to go through. You think DS has issues, this can be devestating to a family

I'm just curious how others feel about the use of this word and wether or not you would be surprised if someone told you they found it offensive if you used it.

[Chris too]

Crazy means mixed up, like in the term crazy quilt, also used for things that don't make sense - out of touch with reality. That it is used to describe people with mental illness is sad, but accurate: they are mixed up and out of touch with reality. I would think that a cavalier use of this word would be offensive to those who have loved ones with mental illnesses. It would belittle their sufferings, so we should be more careful with it, not using it to describe things that are silly or fun.

Interesting post. Thanks.
Chris too

[lespring]

My 19 year old son has paranoid schizophrenia (abbreviation is sz) While we do say things like, "it's crazy around here." I won't say things like "he's nuts", or "that's just insane", or things like that. My son doesn't really seem to care, but I'm sometimes sensitive to how it's used. NOT in the same way I am to the "r" word though. It has to do with the way the word is used. Nobody uses it in a good way, only as an insult.

And yes, some days Angela and all her behavioral issues were far easier to deal with than sz. Here's an old blog entry of mine, written shortly after my son attempted suicide at age 16.
................................................


If you don't yet have kids of your own, I want to warn you...you need to go back to school! If you already have kids of your own, start taking night classes. You should be focusing your new training on a masters in psychiatric medicine. That is because as a mom, nobody tells you that you need to be prepared to deal with these kinds of issues...just in case.

My 17 year old son has, among a long list of other things, schizophrenia. At least that's what we think it is. When you go in your child's room and you find that he's writing letters to the demon voices in his head....honestly...it will instantly make the hair on the back of your neck stand at attention.

I bet nobody has told you there may come a day when that beautiful baby, the one who had the huge smiles for you in his crib each morning, would one day threaten to chop you into tiny pieces as you slept.

I bet nobody has told you that little boy who was so proud of himself when he learned to take those first steps would one day use those same feet to run away over and over again, leaving you at home to worry in the dark. Is he cold? Is he hungry? Is he alive? Did he finally find the bridge he's been talking about? I bet nobody has told you that some kids attempt suicide at a very early age, and that when they go to bed at night you don't know if they're going to get up again in the morning.

I certainly never thought my morning ritual would include the emotions it does now.

Each morning, when it's time to wake my son up for school, I stand outside his bedroom door willing myself to open it. I open it slowly, holding the knob firmly to have something to hold onto should I find the worst.

Because of the angle of his bed and the way he sleeps, his foot is the first thing I see every morning, and every morning the first thing I check for is the color of that foot. Is it blue? Grey? Does it flinch if he hears me?

I step around the tall dresser that is right by the door, too see if his face is showing as he usually sleeps with it covered. If I can see his face, I wait before I say anything. I want to see him......its the only time he is at peace...when he is sleeping. Sometimes if I look closely I can see the baby he was 17 years ago.

But most of the time I can't see his face so I'm forced to say his name. Softly....I say it softly...I want him to remember my voice is not always harsh and frustrated. Sometimes it is soft and loving...."Tyler....Tyler...." I hate that he doesn't hear me right away. It adds yet another moment of fear. "Tyler, are you awake?"

The moan of a sleeping teenager brought back to consciousness is music to my ears. But I'm not out of the woods yet. I have learned.... from experience... that the "moan" can mean he's so drugged from an overdose of something that he's unable to speak, and that I have just minutes to call an ambulance.

I have to get him to talk.

"Do you have anything going on after school today?"

His answer, though mumbled, lets me know all is right for the moment, and I can go on with the rest of my day.

Unfortunately, I have been known to let my guard down too soon, like today. No, he didn't try to hurt himself. Instead he threatened to hurt me. To put an end to MY suffering. With eyes clearly possessed by something evil and very foreign, he stared me down and dared me to challenge him. Instead I locked myself in the bathroom and called the police and an ambulance to take him away.....again.....

What I would give to have that smiling toddler standing in the crib waiting for me. What I would give for that.......

[ALLISA]

Leah, thank you so much for sharing that emotional piece of yourself.

Have you ever considered publishing that freelance because I think it is an amazing piece that would educate many.

Thank you again for trusting all us here to share that.

[Emilysmom]

Excellent question Allisa! I have been wondering about this for some time now. I have used "that's just crazy" or "that's insane" more times than I care to admit!!!! And, probably like those who use the "R" word, I have NEVER ever done it while thinking about someone with mental illness. BUT, I can certainly see how it could be offensive to the parent/loved one of a person with mental illness. Hmmmmmmmmm so what to say?? "That's wild"? "How unusual"? LOL Like with the "R" word; it's about respect and dignity, rather than a desire to be politically correct. I'm going to work on this!!!

And Leah...............WOW. Thank you so much for sharing with us about Tyler. I can't begin to imagine how that feels, and all you've been through.

Susan

[momofrussell]

See.. I love questions like this. I often think sometimes about this stuff. We are so passionate about the R word... but their cousins i.e. idiot, lame, dingdong and others still get good play. They are all usually used interchangably (that doesn't look like I spelled that right) and usually all used as slang to say "Oh you are so lame" "oh that is so lame" ect. I am not one to use stupid in my house either. Silly is a good replacement for that. I'd say the F word before I say Stupid LMAO!

I haven't given "crazy" much thought but it's good to bring it up. I think ANY word used out of context and/or to call someone a name isn't appropriate no matter what. But, I'd be lying if I said I hadn't done that before. But it's some good stuff to ponder. Another word that comes to mind is psycho. That one is probably abused a bit too.

And don't get me started on the whole "PC" stuff. LOL I've had a bad/rough day and I could go on a rant right now but I'll quit! heehee

A.

[Emilysmom]

I could be wrong, but to me.........a desire and an attempt to be "politically correct" is more selfish. It's an attempt to NOT get yourself in trouble with any one group of people. But, with the stuff we are talking about, our goal is to not hurt someone ELSE. I think when you have that as your goal, you're more willing to try to avoid terms that could hurt someone.
We struggle with this more with our 19 year old. He has this horrible habit of what I call "labeling" people. He'll say to his brother "you're such a .........". (He uses various words, and most of them are just silly, but some are hurtful). I wish I had a nickel for all the times I have stopped him and said "You simply do not have the right to label him"!!! It can be exhausting! Maybe I'll invite him here to read.
Definitely some good stuff to think about!

Susan

[CC]

A~ said
"I think ANY word used out of context and/or to call someone a name isn't appropriate no matter what"

I AGREE

People in general should think more before they speak and on the same hand I think people in general need to lighten up some.

I try very hard not to hurt anyone with my words and if I had then I try to apologize when I realized I had hurt them.

BUT

for me I think you can tell most times when one says something to be hurtful or just maybe not thinking at the time KWIM.

But that brings me back to again what A~ said any word used out of context could quite possible hurt someone somewhere ...
What might not offend me could very well offend you or you or you.

I know this sounds way to simple but I have always gone on what I learned as a child

Sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me

Kind of the same when a while back I posted a thread how one hates to hear Oh I am sorry your child has DS but said to me Oh I am sorry your son has ASD. K, she hates hearing that for the DS so why in the world would she not think I might not like it bout the ASD?? Do you KWIM??

I just refuse to get worked up bout it unless someone is down right nasty with their wording.

Just talking about me here

CC ~

[mollysmomma]

i was posting the other day, and wrote that it had been crazy around here....and then went back and edited it out.

i may not ever reach perfection....but molly is teaching me how to work at it everyday!


:-)

[ALLISA]

thanks all... for thoughts and views.

The reason I posted it was because we as parents find it so hurtful when people use the "R" word carelessly and I find it curious that people don't realize they have offended others when they use it, so I just wondered if perhaps we would be surprised to learn that we could be offending someone by using "crazy".

My grandmother is almost 90 and took a fall a few weeks ago.....well....the pain meds really messed with her mind and she was having hallucinations that my grnadfather and uncle were alive and talking to her, she thought we were all lying to her that they had both passed away years ago. It was very frightening to see and it must have been TERRIFYING to her to not know what to believe and what was real !!

As I was telling a friend about it, ( she's a nurse ) she kept saying how " pain meds can make elderly people crazy" and she kept using that word over and over.....she offended me !! LOL That's when it just sounded vulgar to me....and wondered about all family members and care-givers who have to deal with mental illness and how it must feel to them.

Anywyas....thanks for your thoughts and for taking the time to read my ramblings !!

[laurasnowbird]

Allisa,

You know, this is one I'm touchy about too, LOL! I have an uncle who is schizophrenic, and in spite of taking a lot of meds has to live in a group home. He is my favorite uncle, and the absolute unfairness of his diagnosis is something I struggle with all the time. You won't find a better, kinder, more loving man, and yet he has this affliction. And yes, in his case, I would use that word, because he is aware of it, his meds make him miserable, and he would give anything to make it go away.

People use the word crazy just as unkindly and inappropriately as they use the "r" word. I have a neighbor who struggles with mental health issues. The police have been called on more than one occasion by her husband, who loves her dearly, but has difficulty with her when she's in a really bad space. One of my other neighbors (let's call her Jane) talks soooo unkindly about this woman that I can barely stand to look at her, let alone converse with her. (Jane) Jane talks horribly about this woman in front of the neighborhood kids, calls her crazy, and just generally mocks her. My daughter Victoria, who is only nine, spoke up last Halloween when Jane was ranting, and said "My mom said you shouldn't call people crazy, that it is a mean and hurtful thing to say when someone has mental health issues. You should be grateful that it isn't you."

Whoa.

Neighbor lady Jane, doesn't care for my daughter. She didn't think Victoria should have spoken to an adult that way.

Me, on the other hand? I was proud of her. She certainly didn't get any flack from me about it, and I didn't ask her to apologize. She didn't say anything rude, just stood up for someone who wasn't able to stand up for themselves. That is what I teach my kids. If someone is saying something mean, unfair, or unkind, and you remain silent, it could be construed as agreement. You just don't let it pass.

[Debbie]

Wow. I think it is great that a child, your daughter, said that to your neighbor. The neighbor needed to hear that whether or not she didn't like it!

People are people though. We all says things we don't think about until later. I know someone who is not "politically correct" and he says things the ways the way he sees it. Yes, he has a daughter with Down syndrome. We can learn things by what we say that are offensive though. Someone who simply doesn't know that is open to learn and not say that word later. I don't like the R word either. When it is used negative way that is. It seems I hear it alot on tv.

This is a good topic. I guess there are different words that we simply don't think about when we use them.

[ALLISA]

Laura....I LOVE what Victoria said !!

What a wonderful daughter you are raising.....hhhhmm......did I happen to mention my Ty is also 9....hhhmm......could we be inlaws somewhere down the road ? She sounds like family to me !!

[twosomy21]

allisa, you wrote about your freind ,the nurse who said pain meds can make elderly crazy- well they do metabolize drugs at a diff. rate and pain meds can make anyone feel "FUNNY"but if she took a fall at 90 there was probably more involved and i do believe she seen her loved ones and spoke to them. just my thoughts comming from a nurse.
about the WORDS PEOPLE USE i think we are sensative to words that apply, or connect us to someone we know. it is like a car i now want and notice EVERYONE IS DRIVING IT- i am not sure if that makes sense but eventually all and every word we use will be offensive or hurtfull to someone.

[victoriasdad]

funny thought, this post is really interesting , and enlightening, too bad the only ones that will read it are people with family with ds......... dialogue like this should be somewhere where the gen public can see it.........and they can comment on it too........