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Post by momofrussell on Oct 27, 2007 19:24:38 GMT -5
Well, we are a public forum so maybe a few "outsiders" will stumble upon our sight.... A.
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Post by chasesmom on Oct 28, 2007 9:09:09 GMT -5
Oh Allisa...I soooo love that you put this here! I just got back from the mental health conference and the use of words like Retarded and crazy, lunatic, wacko, nuts...all were discussed. It was actually an entire session I went to. There was a young man there who spoke about how it felt to hear those words used in causal conversation, they really bothered him...(he has a mental illness) He talked about how it is so wrong for people to use those words, either intentionally or causually without malice and it is up to us to help change people's way of thinking it is ok ....or speaking....so that those words dont come out in casual conversation. He said to imagine being called a ......well I am not going to use the words, but they were derogatory words for every nationality out there. He asked why people know that it is not ok to use those words but think it is ok to use retard or crazy in referring to someone. I think....it is our jobs...as parents of people born with disabilities to change others way of speaking..be it a stranger or family. If it is said in casual conversation ( CC, this is for you my love...) then that is the easiest and best time to say politely AND tactfully... "oh wow, did you realize that is really an offensive word" or something gentle...it is those we want to target the most....the ones who don't realize their words offend and it is so easy to do. I guess I am on a roll so I may as well keep rolling...it drives me wild to hear people say "well that's my aunt and she's set in her ways, that's just how she talks" <------ that was an example. You're not going to let her make a racial comment in front of you or your children are you, so why let her use hurtful words when it involves your son or daughter? I guess I am just trying to say that our children have no other voices but for ours. If we don't take a stand and say that is not acceptable then shame on us. Would any of us let someone call our child retarded to their face? Of course not, never, so why allow it anywhere? It is our voices that will change society's way of thinking and speaking.......if not us, then I ask you...Who? Dare to speak, it's a good thing hugs, Robin
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Post by laurasnowbird on Oct 28, 2007 14:07:33 GMT -5
Robin,
You hit it right on the head. The reason that we are called to take up the torch, regardless of whether we find it uncomfortable, burdensome, time-consuming........etc. You said:
"I guess I am just trying to say that our children have no other voices but for ours."
I loved what you said.
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Post by CC on Oct 28, 2007 18:13:26 GMT -5
"I think....it is our jobs...as parents of people born with disabilities to change others way of speaking..be it a stranger or family. If it is said in casual conversation ( CC, this is for you my love...) " Hmm Robin dear, well since you picked me out here LOL and I know with you its completely OK to agree to disagree I just have to say this. YES I agree our kids need us as advocates and personally I think I am one mighty fine advocate for Chris ;D Yes I too agree our kids need to be heard thru others sometimes. BUT my way to advocate is to get involved with the schools so that ones that want to be included can and hopefully it will be better and better as they years go on. I have and probably will continue to write letters to the powers to be that can maybe change laws and such for our kids. Just now in this upcoming November election on the ballot in New Jersey on question #4 is stated that "idiot" and "insane" have been in our State's constitution since 1844 to describe people with disabilities, on the denial of right to vote issue.. There words are offensive, vague and outdated. I can very much be a part of change by and will be voting yes to that question and having it changed. I can also pass on info which I have to many in our area to vote yes on that question to get rid of that wording. K, I could go on and on but for me those things and more I can and will continue to do for my son and others with disabilities but NOPE sorry I do not feel it is my job to correct people when they are speaking in general such as say a teenager I over hear saying the "R" word. Like I said if one is saying it in a nasty manner to another yes I would speak up but I just don't feel its my place and definitely not my job to tell people what they can and can not say. Dose it bother me to hear others say it yes when I know they are referring to someone in particular that is actually retarded but if I walk by someone and say I overhear them saying the "R" word in reference to say something silly they or someone else did NOPE I just don't get bothered by it like the rest of you seem to. Its like today the kids say "Oh that's so gay" They are not referring to gay people KWIM... I just don't get so wrapped up on words that others use. Would I use the same words NO and my kids have grown up in a house where NO you don't say such things. I really don't think that makes me a bad person just one that handles it in a different way and tries to make changes for our kids in other ways. Just so you know I am not saying any of you are wrong if you chose to enlighten others that you think should be but NO way do I feel its mandatory or my job, being a parent of one with a disability. I just tend to be more laid back maybe on this subject Hmmm who knows maybe one day I will see it as you do CC ~
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Post by Chester on Oct 28, 2007 21:41:05 GMT -5
I've been reading this thread and trying to figure out why I fall where I do.
Very, very rarely do I correct someone if they use the "R" word, or any other word that I find offensive (Unless they are my kids, totally different story there!) If someone is using a word maliciously, that is when I speak up. If it's slang, I don't.
Right or Wrong of me, I'm not sure. I hear so much. For my family it's so much more than the "R" word. My kids are adopted, there are hurtful adoption words used constantly. Most of my family members are white, one of us is black, talk about hurtful words!
I refuse to police everybody, that would be a full time job, and very depressing. My family is proud, we know what is right and what is wrong. I focus my energy on teaching my kids to be respectful and how to interupt others words.
Since this post, I have been really trying to watch myself when I want to say "crazy" or the like. Thanks for that!
Dawn
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