Help-how to stop the hitting.

[danikins]

Hello everyone,
I am in a dilema right now. Dani just turned 5 and goes to daycare before pre-school. It is a very long day for her.

In the afternoons, after coming back from school, she had been pushing some of the kids, hitting or kicking them, ripping up things and just not listening. The other kids are great and tell Dani to stop and not do that as it hurts them. She is very verbal and I think a lot of it--is being very tired and over stimulated by the time she gets back to daycare at 4:30.

Her teachers are great and working with me and Dani's dad on how to help this issue. It is not an every day occurence, but happens about twice a week. I sometimes come out of there crying because she has been acting up.

Does anyone have any words of wisdom I can tell her daycare teachers on how to approach Dani when she acts up. We have her give nice, gentle touches to the kids when she acts up and they have what is called a safe place, "aka" time-out area that Dani enjoys. I think Dani is in shut down mode at the end of the day and acts out from over stimulation, being tired, a lot of activity in the classroom.

She will start kindergarten next year--all day so she needs to acclimate, but she has been under a lot of changes with daddy leaving us last year and the going back and forth between houses for her every other weekend visit with him.

Her pre-school teacher is not too concerned and does not feel we need to look at behavior specialists yet. At least, Dani is not getting pushed around and stepped on by the other kids. In fact, they are her best teachers right now and know me and let me know what good and naughty things happened that day with Dani. I thank them all for being good friends to Dani and for helping teach her nice behavior. I hope it rubs off eventually. This is a very nice daycare facility and thankfully I can watch her on my computer at work.

Feel free to offer any advice you can offer to assist me and the teachers in helping Dani adjust better to daycare. She can verbalize herself pretty well to them so it is not really an issue of her not being understood. Just being cranky, tired and out of sorts. I really wish there was a quiet place she could go to that last hour so she can unwind a bit. Not possible.


Thanks for at least letting me vent. I feel so alone with this and I worry about how she will be as she gets older. She has no siblings. Well--my ex has two kids but they are not in the picture.

Kim
[glow=red,2,300]Dani--I will love you forever and ever.[/glow]

[Chris too]

I think you are on the right track. It sure sounds like she just is done KWIM? She's tired and overstimulated and ready for a quiet time alone. You said "I really wish there was a quiet place she could go to that last hour so she can unwind a bit. Not possible." I have to ask why. They already have "a safe place ... that Dani enjoys", why not use that every day for 15-30 minutes as soon as she gets back to daycare? For all-day kindy next year, I'd get it put in the IEP that Dani needs a quiet, safe, pleasant place to be alone (with an aid on guard duty) or separated one-on-one time with an aid, to be used on a regular schedule daily. Use the information about the acting out after pre-school to point out this need.

And, Kim, don't worry. Dani's teachers aren't stressed out about it, so she must be being a real sweetie most of the time.

Best wishes
Chris too

[MB]

I would have the daycare create a quiet corner for her. It would be her corner with pillows where she can put on head phones with soothing music to turn off the rest of the world and maybe even take a nap.

If she hits, you say, "Dani, do not use your hands to (hit, tear, slap etc...) use your hands to shake or high five or whatever you want her to do instead including keeping them at her side. Then have her demonstrate three times the correct behavior such as saying that she is mad instead of hitting. This must take place at the time and place of the infraction.

She may also need some strong bear hugs throughout the day by the staff as she may be in need of senory stimulation.

Good luck.

mb

[danikins]

Ladies,
Thanks Chris and MB. I talked to the teacher today about suggestions and are in agreement about allowing Dani the safe place as her haven away from everything.

I am also going to suggest the three time rule too.

Another I am asking them to do is to reinforce her appropriate behavior. When they see Dani sharing or playing nice with someone, I am asking the staff to give Dani praises saying, you played so nice or shared nicely and I am proud of you.

Potty training is a big hard issue now too. The daycare called me at work when they discovered Dani had left a deposit in the toilet other then the wet stuff. They got so excited and called me. I guess Dani was beaming from all the fuss and praise.

Thanks again,
Kim