Behavioral help needed, once again

[Jessie]

Hi everyone. First, I wanted to say that I haven't really been posting much here because I'm having a really difficult time with Jason. I know, this is the first place I'm supposed to reach out to, right?!! Honestly, I've been in this, "I'm tired of Down syndrome being the excuse for everything" frame of mind lately and just needed a rest from talking Ds all the time. Sorry at the negativity, but I'm just being honest. But, I know that I'm at a point that we've got to change some things around here and at school and I'm just not sure what we can try next.

He's 14 and although the overall number of behavioral issues/incidents have decreased, I think the intensity of the issues have increased. He's soooooo stinking stubborn, refuses to TRY to verbalize and is too big and strong to physically redirect anymore.

We discussed this issue with his teacher at conferences a couple of weeks ago and we are all (myself, Brian and the teacher) on the same page as far as understanding his frustration comes from not communicating effectively. However, we are at a complete loss as to, first of all, MAKE him TRY to communicate without it being an angry/physical outburst and second, teach him how to appopriately act when he is angry. We all get it that he's got every right to get angry sometimes, but it's his output that's scary.

Yesterday, for example, there was this rubber alligator at school. It was right at the end of the day and they were trying to clean up the room, but there was no way he was giving up the alligator. Turned into an ugly thing (it's not their fault, I know exactly how these things escalate quickly with him). The teacher said she got to a point where she was afraid that he was going to hurt either her or one of the aides and so they dropped the issue. Okay, I know, lot's can be said about that decision. But, again, I know how it is when he gets mad and I'm not about to let him hit or push me, so I tend to do the same thing and can't blame them for backing off. However, he's learning he can do that and get what he wants.

Turns out, this stupid little alligator was his that has been missing for a long time. So, that explains WHY he got so angry that he was going to have to give it up again. However, the problem is, 1.) he didn't even TRY to communicate in any way that it was his and 2.) his reaction to them trying to get him to put it away was 100% unacceptable.

So . . .where does that leave us? Right now, the teacher is trying to get a meeting together for us as well as the ST and hopefully the behaviorial specialist to get together to figure out how we all need to deal with these situations. Me and Brian are at a loss what to do. His teacher is at a loss.

We've been working on the same type of speech and communication techniques for a couple of years now, so I told his teacher it's time to try something new as he is not progressing with the current program.

I shudder at the thought of him being a 20 year old man with Down syndrome that physically lashes out a people when he's angry. Right now is the time we have to fix this before he's 15, 17, 20 years old and is reacting to situations this same way.

Any thoughts or suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks for listening.

Jessie

[wrblack]

No, dunno. No help. Not a clue.
But for some reason I'm reminded of the time when I was a few years younger than Jason. I asked an elderly black man, who was fishing just a few yards up the bank from where I was fishing, why he was catching all those fish and I wasn't catching any. And he said, first, you got to be smarter than the fish.
True story. Hope it doesn't sound racist. Don't think it should. And he was right. -- Bob

[twosomy21]

kyle will be 10 in dec. and he can be stubborn-we are stern with him and it is fine but this is not good all the time. jason did not do anything wrong with the alligator situation-just miss communication( i could see him holding on thinking this is mine) i would work primarly on comm. issues ,usually that is the culprit .it is good you have been looking at different techniques with ST.although kyle is younger,since he was born comm. always was priority with us. maybe he can carry a word device? pecs? a few yrs. i would be bored with same ol thing. i hope this helps? focuse on comm. for now. i hope you feel better about the situation soon, i understand about the DS being an excuse, it's not it should be the example. anyone should be able to behave it's just getting there that is fustrating.

[CC]

Jessie girl just wondering does Jason do sign or use an augmentative communication devise??

CC

[MB]

I don't think it is ever too late to learn sign language. The other thing to do is very simple. Tell Jason what he needs to do and then turn your back and walk away. See if he doesn't comply with 5-7 minutes. It works at our house. Son needs time to process and then talk himself into doing the right thing.

mb

[steffipoo]

omg...... yea I agree about the its not too late for sign language. specially when it comes to jason expressing what he feels. Perhaps u can learn some feelings type of sign language at home and model it for him. For example, when you are angry and frustrated have a sign language phrase you can use with him to express to him u are angry mad whatever it is and USE IT along with your words as well and see if he catches on to it. Okay we have a tool we use at home and only at home and please don't judge us cause we use it in extreme emergency cases only. Olivia CAN express what she needs wants etc loudly and can be entirely really really mean. I mean mean where I wanna break down and cry yet know I just can't just can't. Now this couldn't be used at school but it changes her attitude IMMEDIATELY. Not sure if it will cause major psych issues later but hey we have only used it 3-5 times in her life. When she is outta control screaming yelling being outright mean omg u guys are gonna get me for this one I pretend like I am really really scared of her . I mean really scared from the look on my face to my body language. For example I will back away from her when she is coming toward me like when your really scared of something. WELL she immediately CHANGES.... She gets really freaked out and apologizes and it lasts and the issue is done. It works like a charm and has never failed us once. Kinda like one of those in case of emergency break glass kinda things. Like I said not a shining example of something that is the right thing to do but it sure helps my mental health in those crazy situations. She never ever wants anyone scared of her ever. Makes her think I guess that her actions are scaring me and others. (((HUGS))) steff

[Jessie]

Hmmm, very interesting approach Steff! I'm not sure if Jason would care that someone is scared of him though.

I think we do need to give him the signs (appropriate ones, LOL) to use when he is angry. Honestly, since he has been at this school, his SLP has pushed back on using sign with him everytime I bring it up. She's so big into the PECS system that she can't see beyond that. Yes, it's frustrating and that's why we also have him receive outside speech therapy. There they do use sign with him more often and so we use what he is taught. There has never once been a behavioral issue during his speech therapy sessions, so I'll have to talk to them to see how they can work in a negative thing like that.

I'm thinking we need to try a combination of things . . . I like MB's suggestion - and I think the bigger point to that is that when we are upset with him we don't have any patience and expect a result immediately. We give him time to process a situation any other time, so we have to be more aware of that. I'm willing to bet the school needs to take a step back and look at those situations more calmly as well. That, along with signing may be our best options to try right now.

And, just so you guys don't think he's a little monster, he's not. This is an issue only when he is angry, which isn't all that often. Problem is, when he does get angry, things get REALLY REALLY ugly!!

Thanks for the suggestions - and if anyone else has anything to add, I'm willing to listen!


Jessie