NOt listening phase!!!

[jswanson7977]

Hey there!! I am Jennifer Swanson, mom to Evan 4 1/2. I dont typically post much, but I wanted to vent. Evan is a wonderful little boy. Very active, cant sit still, but I look at it as being a boy and just being a busy body--into everything. I know all moms with all children have times when their children do not listen. We are in this phase right now!!! Nothing seems to phase him--he will spank him, give him time out, take things away that he likes---it is to the point that we do not know what to do.

The week before Thanksgiving break at school, he lost all smiley faces before lunch every day!!! He was laughing at the teacher when she would take them away--typically this was a great system for him--but it became a joke.

This week has been better, but today I get a call from his adaptive PE teacher and they take the kids who have APE to swimming lessons once a week for a few weeks---this has been great for him and I have been very pleased with his progress. Well today I get a call--Evidently Evan slipped and fell and hit his head because he ran off--would not listen to sit still to wait his turn--I think the waiting for turn is comicial because Evan doesnt sit still for long periods of time. I realize that he has got to learn to listen to everyone and do what they say. NOw his coach is saying this is a safety issue--which I understand--but now are determining if he can continue with the lessons. I told coach that I did not want him to miss out on that wonderful therapy. I told her that I would go and make sure Evan sits still, etc...--well she is meeting with the other instructor and are going to make a deicison---I asked if this is the first time and she said no--so I said that I have a hard time with a decision to take away swimming ,if that is what they decide. I would have hoped this would have been addressed sooner if it was an issue!!!!

Sorry, I am just so frustrated!! I know it doesnt seem like a lot--but Evan was kicked out of a reputable day care in August because he was a safety concern--even though it is not my problem---but I am really sensitive when they want to start messing with his therapy--this is not the only therapy he receives--but it is such a great opportunity.

Thanks to all who may have any insight and may have experienced the same type of situation. I am at a loss!!!
HELP!!!

[Myria]

Hi Jennifer,
Evan sounds like every 4 1/2 year old boy I have ever known! I am sorry you have been having behavior issues with him, unfortunately I can't offer much advice as my son is just 5 months old. I hope things start to improve, and I really hope that he can stay in the swimming program, I have heard that's great therapy. My son's Pt has actually suggested that for him too.
Anyway, welcome and I hope to hear more about your son!
Myria

[Emilysmom]

Hi Jennifer! Can't really help with behavior suggestions, but I wanted to say HI and that I can't believe Evan is old enough to be in school! Wasn't he just born a couple years ago??? It's been a pleasure reading about him!!!!! I'm sure someone will have some really good advice.
Susan

[Valerie]

I have absolutely no advice for you, just wanted to tell you if you GET some advice, please pass it on to me!! Nicholas is also 4 1/2, and also in a very strong NOT LISTENING phase! Like you, I'm at a loss as to what to do. Nothing seems to work. When my older son was that age, all I had to do was give him the mean mom look and he got his act together pronto! With Nicholas, I can feel like some kind of horrible banshee screaming at him and it doesn't even phase him. I was hoping it was a phase he might outgrow.

[Claire]

We are having the same problem with Adam, not listening. I also beleive your sn is only being a kid. Swimming is the best therapy in the world so another punishment should be found I totally agree with you.

[mydsgirl]

Emma is 6 years old and is still in the not listening phase. Even at school. I posted here before that they had her in a rifton chair just to keep her seated. I believe it is just going to be a lot of repetition for us unfortunately. You would think they would get it by now. Boy does mine make me tired. Good luck with the swimming. Emma did it too and it was great for her. Maybe they will let you stay with him to help keep him seated. They definitely need someone to do it.

[Chris too]

Some things for not listening that have worked (some) for our non-listening phases:
1) telephone - put your hand phone (your hand signining "phone") and say "Ring, ring. Ring, ring. Katie, your phone is ringing..." If your child likes pretend play, this works marvelously. You pretend a phone conversation with the non-listener, and it really focuses the child's attention on what you are saying, especially if you use an upbeat or conspiratorial voice (or even a funny voice) while having the - very short - conversation.
2) Whisper. Either in the child's ear or from accross the room. Make it fun, you are sharing a secret... "Davey, there are some toys stacked on the stairs. Did you see them? I think they want to go up to your room."
3) Pester, pester: tickle attacks to get their attention and change their attitude. This only works if the child likes being tickled. I don't think they'd want to do this one around the swimming pool.

But your issue doesn't seem like a not listening problem. It's a disobedience of already established rules. The rule is not new, the child knows the rule and disobeys it persistantly. Does Evan like the swimming? Losing the swimming is the natural consequence of not obeying the rules in that class. Does he know that he is risking that loss? Have you given him tools for sitting still? If Even decides that he wants to obey the rules because he doesn't want to lose his swimming time, then you have to give him tools for achieving that goal. You could teach him finger plays, or get him to count, or recite the alphabet until it's his turn. We tell Davey (4), who loves to pretend, that he is a robot and he has to be very still because he's been switched off until it's his turn.

Best wishes
Chris too

[jswanson7977]

Thanks to everyone who has responded back. Chris too, thank you for the great suggestions. Evan does very well in school in sitting in his chair (he is in an ECSE program in our public school system)--but when it comes to the pool, it is a totally different situation. I think sometimes it is the maturity level as well--he is almost 5 but he is not 5 developmentally and I have to keep remembering that. I think the issue of the swimming is there is not as many adults to children ratio at all the lessons, so I have volunteered to go with them the next time. So we will have to wait and see what his coach says. I will definately take you up on your suggestions--I dont know what they do to keep all the kids sitting still until their turn--Evan is someone who has to be entertained to stay still. Thanks again to all who have responded. I am not really new here--my husband,Clint usually posts--so I am sure you may be familiar with him. We posted something in summer regarding biting and got wonderful responses from a lot of people regarding chewy tubes--they work like a charm!!! Thanks so much to all!!

[rickismom]

When you are at the pool, OBSERVE what is going on. Maybe since it is not a regular classroom, he thinks that rules don't apply?

[Jenn]

Jenn,
Is this Riverside?? Just curious...
I do feel your pain...From 4 to about 8 Courtney would NOT listen. SHe would take off running or sneak out and laugh like there was no tomorrow. We had a HARD time with her. Now when she would go to stuff like swimming or any other therapy, she had an aide to hold on to her. Sometimes I would make her miss whatever it was and tell her that she missed cuz she wouldn't behave. Sometimes that would work, sometimes it wouldn't. Unfortunately there is no miracle answer. Just keep on trying. I know you want to pull your hair out, but please don't!
BTW, we are about 6 weeks away from moving over there near you guys.
call me or email me if you need to talk,

[MB]

I found that natural consequences work the best. He ran, he fell, he was hurt. Let's all take a deep breath and see if the natural consequence didn't do the trick.

If not, stop running after him. He will just pick up speed to make the adult dance a little faster. When he does stop, and the adult catches up with him, swimming is over. He is to be taken to get dressed and placed outside the pool area with an adult who will show no emotion. Even better if the adult pretends to be doing something else like talking on a cell phone.

It does not matter, how early into the lesson he runs off. As soon as he bolts, he is done. Invest in a few missed lessons for years of paying attention at the pool is my advice.

Much good luck in your endeavors.

mb

[victoriasdad]

so tell me how long does a phase have to last before its perminant? cuz victoria is well passed that time limit, lololol
i m sorry for your fustration, i know it well,,, victoria runs off because she thinks its a big game to be chased ,, she will dart into the road and laugh as she runs down the street,,,, grrrrrrrr.