Post by Deannalee on Jan 20, 2008 1:01:15 GMT -5
Five years ago my life changed so drastically. I never dreamed a person's life could absolutely turn upside down and in every direction possible in a matter of minutes. My kids and I get dressed for family pictures....the first in a while. Instead of making it to the Sears photo....I end up getting a last minute baby sitter, desperately pleading for my friend to meet me at the hospital, and then getting prepped and wheeled in on a cold guerney to a delivery room full of uncertainty. A crash c/s at 29 weeks is not what I envisioned. The fear of what could or would happen fueling my worst fears.
Justin was delivered first weighing in at a mere 1 lb 14 oz 12 in long with barely a cry...it resembled more of a kitten's mew. When I saw him.....I cried......so small he could fit in one hand. How could a child so small survive??
Then one tiny minute later came Jordan....no sound at all....whisked away so fast I never saw his tiny face. Chest compressions, epi, chest drainage....the works. A few minutes later....being told my son would not live. A mother's worst fears come to light....and I still had not seen him. How cruel can a person be at that moment. He was born weighing 2 lb 6 oz and 14 in long.
Funny thing is...I knew they probably had DS.....but that isn't what scared me. It was the fear of losing them that scared me the most.
Well, as cruel as NICU is....it became my living nightmare 2/2/03....Jordan passed away in my arms at just 13 days old. I felt dead, numb, unsure of anything anymore. He was buried on the 6th. I hate February....it is not a month of love for me....just a loss of the most precious love I had...the love of my son.
I had to hide my feelings when I went to see Justin....if I was sad...he had A's and B's on the monitors. I had to pump my milk not for two, but one now. It was the hardsest thing I had to do after burying my little boy.
Justin had so many ups and downs and they gave me little hope....but he did get stronger. I never gave up on him.
My little miracle micro preemie is five years old today!!!!! I am beside myself. No one thought this day would come. I have never given up on him. We have fought many battles together. I only pray God gives this amazing young boy the strength he needs to keep on growing and thriving. God willing, our story will have many, many more chapters.
I am writing this in honor of Justin and in memory of Jordan......my preemie identical twin boys.
Deanna
Justin was delivered first weighing in at a mere 1 lb 14 oz 12 in long with barely a cry...it resembled more of a kitten's mew. When I saw him.....I cried......so small he could fit in one hand. How could a child so small survive??
Then one tiny minute later came Jordan....no sound at all....whisked away so fast I never saw his tiny face. Chest compressions, epi, chest drainage....the works. A few minutes later....being told my son would not live. A mother's worst fears come to light....and I still had not seen him. How cruel can a person be at that moment. He was born weighing 2 lb 6 oz and 14 in long.
Funny thing is...I knew they probably had DS.....but that isn't what scared me. It was the fear of losing them that scared me the most.
Well, as cruel as NICU is....it became my living nightmare 2/2/03....Jordan passed away in my arms at just 13 days old. I felt dead, numb, unsure of anything anymore. He was buried on the 6th. I hate February....it is not a month of love for me....just a loss of the most precious love I had...the love of my son.
I had to hide my feelings when I went to see Justin....if I was sad...he had A's and B's on the monitors. I had to pump my milk not for two, but one now. It was the hardsest thing I had to do after burying my little boy.
Justin had so many ups and downs and they gave me little hope....but he did get stronger. I never gave up on him.
My little miracle micro preemie is five years old today!!!!! I am beside myself. No one thought this day would come. I have never given up on him. We have fought many battles together. I only pray God gives this amazing young boy the strength he needs to keep on growing and thriving. God willing, our story will have many, many more chapters.
I am writing this in honor of Justin and in memory of Jordan......my preemie identical twin boys.
Deanna
I am sitting here in tears.....
&
Susan, Proud mom of Michael (32), Justin (25) Emily (22ds), and Jordan (20).
