Noah's Poem (long)

[faithhope]

Thank you all for everything you have said to me, I feel like I have been given a whole new addition to my family. I have no doubt that through the years I will get to know each of you so well, I am sure that many of us will get to meet in person, and I could just see it now, the beautiful kids I have admired in the photo albums will become friends of Noah, maybe there is even a future love for him here (it's cute to imagine).
I wrote a poem for Noah, I'd like to share it with you.
Love,
Jess
NOAH GABRIEL KEONA YOUNG “GODS GRACIOUS GIFT”
So now a new life begins
One I never dreamed of, one I couldn’t possible have imagined
Something has been given to me, entrusted to me that I thought is only given to “others”
Not me, no way, it never even crossed my mind, when they asked “ Do you want to take the test”
“Oh no, we don’t’ want the test, for if there was anything “wrong” we would never abort
Truthfully it didn ‘t occur to me that yes I could be a chosen one
No way, not me! Only happens to other people, poor , poor people
They can handle it though, as long as I don’t have to deal with it, face it, look at it, live it everyday
It doesn’t even cross my mind. Honestly I can count on my fingers how often I have come across a person with DS.
Now that it is my reality, my everyday, I wonder, why do I never see DS. Do they not get to go to the malls, the market, the stores, everyday life. Are they unable to act normal, or are they such a burden to take out that their families would rather just leave them at home?
Do their families whole lives change because of this person? Do they become recluse? Do they have a permanent pain in their broken hearts? Do they age much quicker because life has taken such a difficult toll on them?
Do they stop going to parties, and family gathering, weddings and vacations, because they are ashamed, tired, not up to all the questions and stares???
I know I am saying some things that may seem rude and certainly ignorant
This is all still so new to me, still just such a shock, I honestly can’t believe that I am even writing about such things
So I join support groups and I desperately hang on to all that these wonderful and experienced souls, soldiers in a fight for a great life for their loved ones
They tell me, it’s ok, what I feel is normal. They tell me that they felt exactly the same, they felt that they would never be able to handle it
Then they said, life happens and my baby, my child will heal me, he will teach me that everything is ok
He will show me the way, he will lead me in this dance. I will look at him with a pure love and so much pride, just like any other mother of a “typical” child
In fact I will probably love him more because I went through so much and I see how much harder everything this precious child struggled to learn what he learns
It will not bother him though
Just take my time, take it one day at a time
I am not alone
And everything is going to be not just fine, but amazing, filled with joy and laughter, not just tears and heartache
Hold my baby close for now, let his smile make me smile
Don’t be afraid to love him completely
Capture the milestones in picture and in words, feed him and change him and most of all
Just love him day by day, he is after all, just my baby first and foremost
Ds will not be who he is, just part of his genetic structure
DS is not his heart or his mind or his soul
That comes from what God has put in him
DS is for the rest of us, “typical” people
It is for us to learn to love the way Jesus loves
These chosen people, they say love so completely and deeply with all their hearts
They will not judge us, they will always be ready with a hug, a smile
Time will be my friend, as my baby grown into a man
As his personality forms and I get to know who he is
I just know he will be my greatest joy
God knew exactly what he was doing
Looking into my heart and soul I am sure he said something like:
My daughter Jessika is going to get the greatest gift I could give her, but it will not be just any gift, it will teach her everything she needs yet to learn.
She’s a good person but, she needs more patience,
She’s a happy person but she needs to have her heart broken so that I could build it back up again the way I want it
She believes in me and talks a good talk, but she needs to learn to truly have faith in me
She’s a strong person, maybe too strong, I need her to be weak to lean only on me
She’s so loving but she needs to learn what it is to have true, unconditional love, including loving herself
Yes God I am starting to get it now
He will be everything I never knew that I wanted and needed
Thank God

[Googsmom aka Jennifer]

Beautiful job Jessika !!! I was doing just fine till' I got to the part of: Looking into my heart and soul I am sure he said something like:............. Now i'm almost bawling. That is EXACTLY right!!! Wonderful poem, now i'm off to get a tissue

[faithhope]

Thank you, I am so happy that it has touched your heart. I know those are good tears too.

[Myria]

Beautiful! Noah is so lucky to have you for his Mommy!

[Chris]

Jessika,

Thank you for sharing your beautiful words. God is healing your heart. When you hold your son, thank God for this special gift. I am looking forward to reading your posts as you fall in love with your little bundle of joy. Believe me, Noah will bring so much love, joy, laughter and life into your family.

Chris

****I just noticed that someone moved an old post that you have got to read! What's good about having a baby with Ds........I believe it is the post that is second to the top.

[katiesmom]

Jessika,
That poem is beautiful! And you really will learn all those things you never knew you needed or lacked.

I wish that 6 years ago when I was in the raw place where you are, that I could have had a window into the future to see how "normal" and fun our lives are now with Katie. It would have saved me an ocean of tears and turmoil. You will go on and you will more than survive....you will thrive and flourish and laugh and cry and have fun and be proud of your son and live a full life!

God bless,
Deane

[Emilysmom]

Oh Jessika, that was SO beautiful!!! I'm glad I am home alone right now.......no kids to giggle at me as I sit here at the computer with tears streaming down my face! They are good tears though. I'm remembering things from your poem that I once thought. And, the tears are also because it seems that you are well on your way to a joy-filled, amazing life with Noah. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts so beautifully with us in this poem.

Just a quick response to something in your poem about not seeing people with Down syndrome out and about in public. Your statement wasn't the least bit rude. I think maybe you just haven't had enough time since Noah's birth........because for me, after Emily was born I seemed to see people with Ds EVERYWHERE!! It was almost like when we bought a red van (one we had never looked at before) and from that point on.....we saw vans exactly like ours every single day!!!

And, I can tell you that Emily has been absolutely everywhere our family has gone. With 2 older brothers and one younger brother, she has been on the go with us!! She has cheered her brothers on at all sorts of sporting events. We've taken her to every amusement park and water park we could possibly go to, and she has raced from one ride to another as fast as her brothers. She has gone on 2 cruises with us, and she joined lots of other kids on "Camp Carnival". She's been to numerous weddings, parties, and funerals, and to church almost as often as the doors are open. I'm home alone right now because every Wednesday, she goes out to eat with the church youth group. I won't go on and on about my daughter........I'd say that most of us have similar stories. No reclusiveness for us!!

We're so glad to have you as a part of our family,
Susan

[katiesmom]

Jessika,
I wanted to add to what Susan said about taking our kids everywhere. Katie goes to church, dance classes, concerts, live theatre, loads of restaurants, malls, hiking, birthday parties, play-groups, etc. In most of these places Katie is the life of the party! Everyone knows her and the ones who don't, she will manage to charm. I am so proud of this girl, her good manners, and her social skills that I can't believe that in those dark days in the beginning I actually wondered if I would be embarrassed or ashamed to be out in public with her.

And Susan was right with her red-van analogy. You will soon see people with Ds everywhere you go.

Deane

[Jackie]

Jess...this is a lovely poem...you need to reread it often...see how many of the things you worry about have not come to pass.

Jackie

[momofrussell]

Beautiful Jessika... just beautiful!!!!!! I too sit in tears knowing how this is filling your heart right now.

And I agree with the "red van-alogy" LOL I really didn't know anyone with DS until after Russell was born... more so now that we moved to Missouri... DS is EVERWHERE!

A.

[tiffany]

I just want to add my praises also!! That was one of the most beautiful poems I have ever read!! You are talented! Thank you for lifting my spirits today! I know I see DS people everywhere too! I just want to hug them all and take them home!

[Jessie]

That was wonderful. I too got quite misty-eyed, especially towards the end of it.

There is NOTHING that we are stopped from doing because of Jason. If anything, we don't go and do as much because of the two younger rugrats we have!! LOL

Ask anyone in our family and they would pick Jason in a heartbeat to take to the movies. He is one of the best-behaved kids in a restaurant. He loves to travel - by car or by plane - so no problems going on vacations. I can't really think of anyplace that we wouldn't take him.


Jessie

[Kristin]

I'd also like to add, that taking our daughter with us had allowed us to meet some people that we never would have. People will come up to talk to her for all kinds of reasons...mostly positive. Some are curious because they know someone or have worked with children with DS. Others just are drawn to her enthusiasm. I agree about the red van analogy. We refer to it as DS radar. It seems as if there is anyone with DS near us...we seem to spot them rather quickly!