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Post by faithhope on Mar 15, 2008 13:35:42 GMT -5
Hi!!! My internet has not been working so I have been frustratingly forced to hold in my thougts ;D. Well I have a quick moment to write, and the internet appears to be working so I must get some thoughts out. I first of all, have been so much better, Noah has stolen my heart. I just know that he is going to be fine. I have been blessed at least so far also that his health is good. His heart is fine, he has the small hole that we have to check up on in 6 months. Well I was thinking about why am I or was I so destroyed by this ds diagnosis besides the obvious reasons, and one the huge reasons is my need for people to like me. Silly, I know. I realized that I have felt almost like I didn't deserve to love Noah and care about him, that I didn't and wouldnt deserve to say things like " My gorgeous boy" or 'You're so smart" or " I am so proud of you". The list goes on and on, and the reason is becuase I felt that people would look at me like, " we know what you really are thinking, you can't mean that, your boy has Ds. How can you be proud? He isn't gorgeous." Just all these crazy thought that go through my head. So I am finally realizing tha tI am allowed to Love my boy and think all the great things that he is, regardless of what others think. I hope I always keep this realization even in the midst of some peoples ignorance and stupidity. I know that Noah is just making me grow and healing all those things about me that were wrong. OK enough for now. I have to run. Love you all, Jessika
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Post by kellyds on Mar 15, 2008 13:49:47 GMT -5
Jessika, I have read almost everything you've written here, but haven't replied because I almost set out to deliberately have a baby with DS and really didn't go through the grief process that a lot of folks do. I just want to say that it's been neat seeing how you've worked through this. You're going to be a great mom. You and Noah are fortunate to have each other. One thing I have found is that people often take their cues from me. I frequently hug and kiss Joshua in public. When people see how loved he is, they respond in kind. We can model how we want our kids to be perceived. Yes, you are allowed to love your sweet baby boy! You sound like a person with a lot of love to give anyway.
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Post by Chris on Mar 15, 2008 14:13:09 GMT -5
Jess, One thing will be for sure, you will believe your boy is gorgeous, smart and you will be proud of him and it will all come from the bottom of your heart. I have so many people tell me that Sarah is adorable because she is adorable! I think you will be amazed at how many people see Noah's beauty. ;D Keep focusing on all the wonderful things about Noah. Chris
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Post by Googsmom aka Jennifer on Mar 15, 2008 16:13:35 GMT -5
I tell Brooker everyday that she is so pwetty, so cute, so smart, and so funny. Cuz she IS! And so is Noah!!! You will learn from Noah and people will learn from you, believe it A lady at the bank the other day says to me that she was going to have the "test" for DS but decided not to do it cuz she didn't really care because of knowing Brookster sence she was born and watching her grow. I thought I was gunna cry right there. You will see, all will be wonderful
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Post by laurasnowbird on Mar 15, 2008 16:45:43 GMT -5
LOL, Jessika, been there, thought that!!!
You're also talking to the mom who is a FREAK about how her boy looks. I found someone who could give him a good haircut back in the days when he had sensory issues and a haircut was a disaster, with him screaming, crying and snot flying everywhere. She wouldn't give up, and I tipped her DOUBLE what the haircut cost, LOL! (By the way, every one of my kids, until the last one, Aidan, was HORRIBLE about haircuts....just my luck)
My boy goes to school in designer clothes, and believe me, people notice. He misplaced something a couple of years ago, might have been his boots, and his teachers "knew they were Ethan's because they were Columbia boots". ROTFL!!
When he was first born, he was sooo small, and I can remember shopping at Babies R Us for clothes, and it seemed soooo ridiculous to buy most of the clothes that were out there for boys. Shirts that said stuff like "Soccer star" and "football champ" and the usual boy crap. I remember thinking, "yeah, right, fat chance. These are just not appropriate for him."
Funny thing is, Ethan is MORE athletic than my oldest son, who is almost 22, and was one of those brainiac kids who had not a sports-minded bone in his body. I never thought twice about putting those kind of shirts on Nick when he was little though! Duh. Talk about overthinking things, I was the queen!
Chris and Kelly are sooo right. Believe me, you will find it hard to keep your hands off this kid...and you will be so incredibly PROUD of him. It really won't matter to you whether other people understand. Ethan is my HERO. He works so much harder than other kids to attain the same goals, and he never stops trying.
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Post by jelanismom on Mar 15, 2008 16:49:10 GMT -5
OH Oh oh...you are just about the best mama (excluding me of course! ;D ) ...don't you worry for a second. All you are feeling ... WE'VE BEEN THERE!!! So great big hugs to you and be strong...all in all the bottom line is YOU are Mom and Moms know best...no matter the child...you have the instinct, the knowledge, the everything your son needs. Kick'em in the A**. Pardon me, it's true. Nothing on this planet compares to the love a mother has for her child and the child to it's mother....a bond beyond the universe...at least for those fortunate to have a mom like you to care so much!!! I have issues myself and I'm happy to bring them here, so Jessika...you the cool mama... I need a hug and kiss too!!!!
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Post by Emilysmom on Mar 15, 2008 17:32:23 GMT -5
Jess, I love the title of your post! Revelation! It's going to happen........you're going to find out a lot more about yourself through Noah. I know I did!! And I don't focus on the things I realized about myself that might not have been so positive. The fact is that having Emily has done nothing but GOOD for our family, and for me as a person. And, I just know you're going to find the same thing to be true.
One sort of ironic thing that I remember. Years ago, my sister worked with children with special needs, and I worked in a nursing home. I vaguely remember a conversation between us where she was almost trying to "sell me" on the advantages of working with kids with special needs. I was firm............elderly people needed someone who would love them unconditionally and provide care to them in a special way. (And, LOL of course SHE was saying exactly the same thing about kids with special needs) But, it's interesting to me that she had 3 daughters without special needs and I had 4 kids.........one with Ds. And, my husband was VERY involved with Special Olympics in college and always tried to get me interested too. And I always felt like it was just something I "couldn't" do. I sure can now!!!!! I think I've learned so many awesome things from the kids I've been involved with through Special Olympics, and yes............I totally ADMIRE my girl. She amazes me, she makes me proud all the time, and she makes me happier than I ever thought I deserved to be!
I have found that the people I love the most are people who adore my kids; and maybe ESPECIALLY Emily. If they have a fondness for her.....they just have to be good folks! There are going to be people who don't try to understand, and who aren't as patient with her. I find myself feeling like their opinions don't really matter to me. I want to be liked too. But I tend to want to be liked by those who really matter to me.
I'm ready to see some new pics of your little guy!!!
Susan
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Post by dannysmom on Mar 15, 2008 18:12:45 GMT -5
I think I tell my son a million times a day "I love your face". I kiss it and squeeze and love it so much.....I swear I could bite him all day he's so damm cute. He's a love bug. When I pick him up at school....as soon as he spots me across the room, he drops whatever he is doing and runs full speed ahead and screams MOMMA....he hugs me and pats my back ever so gently. You just wait, Noah will too......and you'll love it more than you could ever imagine. I swear to you....I have many friends and relatives that WISH Daniel was theirs. I've even had the conversation with some of my girlfriends........they want to steal him!! LOL. He's a gorgeous little boy who is very smart in my eyes. Remember, no matter what your IQ is....no one is good at everything......and everyone is good at something
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Post by faithhope on Mar 15, 2008 21:06:57 GMT -5
Oh boy, now I am sitting here with happy tears. I love all of you, thank you so much for all that you took the time to say. I am getting it you guys, slowly but surely ( I admit I am pretty slow) I am getting it. Noah is looking more and more lovely and people are fading away in the background, I wish it was that way from day 1, but Noah will never know = ) I also love what Susan said about wanting people to like her, but only the ones that matter. The ones who love our children. d**n right!!! Love, Jessika
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Post by Jessie on Mar 16, 2008 6:02:48 GMT -5
"and the reason is becuase I felt that people would look at me like, " we know what you really are thinking, you can't mean that, your boy has Ds. How can you be proud? He isn't gorgeous."
Hopefully this never happens to you, but if it does, I really don't think you will crumble or become a shrinking violet to someone else's ignorance - you're going to see a momma bear come out in you like you never expected!
Jessie
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Post by Myria on Mar 16, 2008 7:27:28 GMT -5
I'm so glad you are doing better, Jess! You sound great! I think Noah IS gorgeous, he looks soo much like Ayden did at his age. (Especially in that blue and brown striped terrycloth Carter's sleeper, lol~ Ayden has the same one) I tell my little guy all the time how beautiful and smart he is, and how proud of him I am. Because it's true, everything he does makes me proud! And you will find yourself cheering every little thing Noah does, he will make you the proudest Mama around! Oh you have to see the video we took of Ayden today, he was just sitting up laughing hysterically, slapping his knees. It is soo funny, I will upload it & send you a link Take care!! ~Myria
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Post by ALLISA on Mar 16, 2008 9:35:44 GMT -5
Glad to hear that your spirits are lifted....my son says he tries to imagine Erin without DS and he just can't....he says she woudl NEVER be as cute as she is !! LOL and you WILL be flooded with GENUINE pride and amazed at some of the "smart" stuff Noah will do.....no one can dance the Macarana ( sp ?) better than Erin !! I wish I had a good video of her doing it to share !!
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Post by laurasnowbird on Mar 16, 2008 13:06:35 GMT -5
I was only tested in the way that you described once, and Ethan was VERY small. I was standing in line at the Michael's craft store near my home, and two women behind me were shooting off their mouths. The first one was going on about how her daughter was having prenatal testing done, and that she wasn't going to have any more children after she was thirty because she didn't want to have any children "like that", referring to my son.
I honestly don't believe I have EVER been angrier than I was at that moment. At first I didn't say anything, because I was so mad my face and ears were turning bright red and I didn't trust myself not to slap them, LOL! Then it struck me that the other people in line might think I was keeping quiet because I was ashamed of my boy.
So I whipped around and said very calmly in a carrying voice, "For your information, my little boy "like that" will have more sense than to talk unkindly about someone within their hearing. He'll even be taught to be kind and tolerant of people "like you".
I turned back around, then, devil made me do it, turned back around and faced them and said "by the way, the MAJORITY of children with Down Syndrome are born to mothers UNDER 30 years of age. But you're probably safe because the Good Lord usually only sends them to people with a HEART."
The people in line started quietly applauding and saying "Good for you!!". I was embarassed, because for a moment I had truly forgotten there was even anyone else there, I was so incredibly angry. Those ladies were getting dirty looks from everyone else, and the cashier said to me "If you hadn't said anything to them, I was going to!" I never turned back to look at them again, but they must have been totally embarassed by how everyone condemned their stupidity. I just paid for my stuff, took Ethan out of the cart, gave him a big smooch, and headed out with my head high.
I'm not good with quick comebacks, so I was amazed at how quickly I responded. I have to say though, he is six years old now, and it has been the only really bad experience I've had. Far more often, people have gone out of their way to be kind to us, and seek him out. Trust me on this one, if someone says something obnoxious to you, you won't duck your head and run. We've been accused of being "Momma Bears" on this site, and when someone says something about our kids, it is SOOOOO true. ROAR!!!!!!!!!
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Post by Googsmom aka Jennifer on Mar 16, 2008 14:40:11 GMT -5
Clapping for Laura!!! You go girl Big smiles from me
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