Help...off topic...advice needed please!

[jelanismom]

I'm a bit embarrassed to be posting this...it's off topic and I guess I will anyway! I trust all your opinions and I'm a bit of a wreck right now because I just spent three hours getting me and Jelani ready to go to a party...yes a function not Ds related...a social event that we haven't been to in over a year...I'm concerned about how others will perceive my son...it's crazy, I know. But with all the strength I've gathered in all his little lifetime, nothing prepares you for uncertainty. I have a dear friend I have not seen in over two years...we used to be good friends for many years but after Jelani was born (she's seen him once when he was 3) we kinda drifted our own ways. She and I were sorta lower income and worked together. But after we lost touch she became this rich person (mainly because of her husband) and I think I'm about to throw up...she's invited me to her million dollar condo for a party today and I couldn't find a sitter...she said to bring him. Yep and I am nervous and will probably try to find parking far enough away so others won't see my '91 mirage, how prideful is that? I'm sorry, just sorting this out at your expense. The others there will be strangers to us and I guess I'm being over sensitive thinking they may gawk at his adorable penguine gait, or laugh at his constant head shaking to music...and frankly I'm scared. My son is my absolute everything and I'm unprepared for their questions, the stares and the possible misunderstanding of what my son happens to have, DS...and here I am asking you all for advice. I haven't put my son in a situation like this where he needed to be "an ambassador" for Ds. I haven't a clue on how to answer their questions (if any).
I know already how my little guy's teeth grinding may irritate, and his "I must hug all of you" may become too much. But I can't close us off from the world. I guess I'm obviously not prepared to be in a social setting like this. I don't have choice phrases to educate, I don't even know if I could remember if needed the definition of Ds...am I being a chicken? yes.
Just wanted your advice, from anyone in my shoes that's been there. thankyou!

[Emilysmom]

Awwww Dawn.........I really don't know exactly what I'd do! Since you said she is a dear friend, and since she suggested that you go ahead and bring Jelani, I think I'd go and have a good time. And keep in mind all the things that we've encouraged Jess about recently........people will take their cues from you and they'll see that you adore Jelani, and they won't be able to help from seeing the positive things! If you feel uncomfortable, you could excuse yourself and leave a bit early. I say show him off and have fun!!
Let us know what you decide.
Hugs to you,
Susan

[Googsmom aka Jennifer]

I agree w/ Susan. Go and have fun. If for some reason you feel uncomfortable, leave early. I see no reason not to go and show off your beautiful boy See some friends and hang out Tell us what happens ok I truely hope you have a fun time

[dannysmom]

Dawn, I admire your honesty.....and while our personal circumstances are different, I do know how you are feeling inside. As many people have said before, people take their cues from us.....show them how much you love your son and how happy you are together. Park in the closest spot....don't be ashamed of your car.....you HAVE a car and you take wonderful care of your son. So you don't have a ton of extra money...so what!! Many of the richest people in this world do not have a bank account. Money is an awful way of keeping score. Happiest is more about what is inside.....than the fancy things that surround us. Be proud....and enjoy yourself today. You've been blessed with an angel....and I promise you, you will be one of the richest people at the party

[meghans_mom]

dawn

I'm chiming in here late - but I hope you went and that both you & Jelani had a wonderful time!! I know you're a great mom to a great kid....and all those other things (fancy cars, fancy condos) be d***ed!!!

hugs, laurie

[faithhope]

Dearest Dawn,
You have been there for me all the way, with uplifting and loving hope. Now it is my turn and I mean it from the bottom of my heart. You may have doubts about your strength right now, and believe me I understand, but I have complete confidence and Faith in you. Remember as everyone has said to me and to you right now. Just be yourself, which is a loving mother who absolutely adores her angel. He is NOTHING to be ashamed or worried about. Those people who may be ignorant are the ones who we should pity. Go there with a positive mind, not expecting the worst. Show that boy off!!! I expect to hear great news about this evening as soon as you get a chance to post. I know that taking this step of faith will build up your confidence more and more for those uncomfortable situations.
Oh and please take me along in your mind, take all of us, we are there for you, we are so happy and proud of you and Jelani. I can't stress how much this has helped me in every difficult, emotional public situation.
I know all this from the girl with all the worries and doubts. I don't know what's come over me, but I just know you can do this
Oh and I love what Dannysmom said:
" Money is an awful way of keeping score. Happiest is more about what is inside.....than the fancy things that surround us. Be proud....and enjoy yourself today. You've been blessed with an angel....and I promise you, you will be one of the richest people at the party ".
Love ya,
Jessika and Noah

[victoriasdad]

we are not rich , we are barely above the "povery line" but ive worked since i was 12 yrs old
honest work, my wife is one of those angels that takes care of d.disabled people, even before we had victoria, my wife was giving herself to help others... we certainly have nothing to be ashamed of, where we both work we rub elbows with millionares and paupers, we are who we are, ive read your posts and you have answered mine, you are truly a special person in the life of another special person, you have nothing to be afraid of, if they cant accept you and yours they are not worthy of a second thought, remember d.s. is no respecter of social status, they may have family with d.s. or know someone who does.. you may well be selling them short.... and if not , if they dont accept you guys well......... there is an old irish saying........ "fu-- em"

[Jessie]

Right on Victoriasdad!!! LOL

Just remember, they all put their pants on one leg at a time like the rest of us.

Maybe your friend is needing a dose of her former hardworking-life and you are just the person she needs to see right now. She obviously still thinks alot of you and Jelani to invite you over.

Hope you had a good time - let us know how it went!


Jessie

[Myria]

Aw Dawn, I can relate to how you are feeling! I really hope that you come back and tell us what a wonderful time you & Jelani had! And I can't wait to hear details!

[damarasmom]

Dawn,
I'm so sorry I didn't get a chance to post in time! I hope you went and had a fantastic time! No apologies needed for Jelani, he is who he is and he is WONDERFUL! You know that and if you project that to anyone, how can they deny it?
Can't wait to hear how your fun day out was...

[Googsmom aka Jennifer]

YEA!!!! See, stressin' for nothin

[jelanismom]

I don't know how to thank you all for your caring advice.
Sounds silly that I was so worried...you know how you think you can handle just about anything, and along comes something to test you?! lol.

All in all it wasn't as bad I as thought, I mean bad as in feeling out of place. First of all, my friend only had 2 friends there when Jelani and I arrived...and it wasn't a mansion, it's a small condo with a view of the Pacific ocean which is a huge difference...she once lived in one much larger and grandiose. Her husband was on business overseas and her two friends were very nice, the one lady was my age and this was her last night here before going back to Tahiti tomorrow...but she'll be back again next month, she does alot of traveling for busines...ANYWAY, She took to Jelani in an instant and him to her (before this he didn't want to have anything to do with anyone as he sat all curled up sucking his thumb on their couch, lol) but they really hit it off and then he kept going to her husband and sitting with him too! He said, oh that's ok and how he has 3 older kids and maybe Jelani just sensed that and wanted to bond with a guy since the rest of us were girls! lol Anyway, his wife cooked some french polynesian food and I watched the whole time she cooked for pointers...(I'm in need of cooking savvy, hee-hee). She told me that her Aunt has a 27 year old daughter with Ds...imagine that!

See you just never know...and I was all worried...On the other side of the coin, my friend, you know the one who actually lives there...lol, well she was too preoccupied with getting her other girlfriends to show up later -11pm) to take her out to some dance club that we really didn't have much time to catch up...which I guess is ok. She has always had this wild side...her kids are teenagagers now and I got to see her 13 yr old daughter I hadn't seen since she was in diapers, and she was having a slumber party in the other room with her 4 other girlfriends...so cute, but the slumber party consisted of them all sitting around playing video games on her mom's laptop! (boy have times changed!)

All this time Jelani was just watching the adults talk and then he starting venturing around the house (finally put his defenses down) and was checking out the fridge and cupboard and then started dancing to the music. I was so proud of him. I don't know why I got so concerned, he always amazes me...I guess I need to remember this for next time...'hopefully' he'll be just as behaved.
I really appreciate all your advice and kind words, I'm getting spoiled coming here! And I hope one day I can return the favor to you all with whatever insight I have that will be helpful....but from the looks of it, you all have it down pat...LOL I'm the one who needs to get a clue!LOLOL Thanks again! ;D

[lorraine]

I'm so pleased that you and Jelani had a great time, ;D ;DI didn't read this until it was too late to post on the question, but I probably would have been no use as I'm not exactly a social butterfly LOL

Lorraine

[jelanismom]

I just need to add something...
One of my biggest concerns (that I need to overcome) is my hang-up about "fitting-in" with the crowd. I've always felt that way all my life because we moved alot and I attended 3 different schools before I graduated...and never really kept any long term friendships from my childhood. Then when I left my family for college I was thousands of miles away on my own in Chgo., and felt pressured to "fit-in"...and did, with a couple good friends I never see or hear from because I moved to Cali 13 years ago. So alone again I find a girlfriend who I've known for the past 10 years and I feel pressured to make a good impression, for fear of whatever my hang-ups are about "fitting-in" ...we lost touch since Jelani was born...kinda went our separate ways and I couldn't muster the self confidence to bring my son to her luxurious home...what a prideful person I am thinking about it now..I really need a reality check, I'm not at all arrogant, and being around her lastnight proved that I DO have it all, seriously...I see this now. She may have the $$$ but I have the character and the deeper understanding and love that my son has given to me just because he was born...and how blessed I AM because of him!

[Chris too]

Cool, Dawn! Sure sounds like you and Jelani were excellent "ambassadors" for Ds. I'm glad you decide to go & that you had a nice time. You might want to bookmark this page so that next time, you will remember how well you did!