Post by rickismom on Jun 8, 2005 15:24:01 GMT -5
Subject: Noah's Ark
In the year 2005, the Lord came unto Noah, who was
now living in the
United
States, and said, "Once again, the earth has
become wicked and
over-populated and I see the end of all flesh
before me. Build another Ark
and save two of every living thing along with a
few good humans."
He gave Noah the blueprints, saying, "You have
six months to build the
Ark before I will start the unending rain for 40
days and 40 nights".
Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw
Noah weeping in his
yard
. but no ark.
"Noah", He roared, "I'm about to start the
rain! Where is the Ark?"
"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah. "But things
have changed. I needed a
building permit. I've been arguing with the
inspector about the need for a
sprinkler system. My neighbors claim that I've
violated the neighborhood
zoning laws by building the Ark in my yard and
exceeding the height
limitations. We had to go to the Development
Appeal Board for a decision.
Then the Department of Transportation demanded a
bond be posted for the
future costs of moving power lines and other
overhead obstructions , to
clear the passage for the Ark's move to the sea.
I argued that the sea
would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing
of it.
Getting the wood was another problem.
There's a ban on cutting
local
trees in order to save the spotted owl. I tried to
convince the
environmentalists that I needed the wood to save
the owls. But no go!
When I started gathering the animals, I got
sued by an animal rights
group. They insisted that I was confining wild
animals against their will.
As well, they argued the accommodation was too
restrictive and it was
cruel
and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined
space.
Then the EPA ruled that I couldn't build
the Ark until they'd
conducted an environmental impact study on your
proposed flood.
I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with
the Human Rights
Commission on how many minorities I'm supposed to
hire for my building
crew.
Also, the trades unions say I can't use my
sons. They insist I have to
hire only Union workers with Ark building
experience.
To make matters worse, the IRS seized all my
assets, claiming I'm
trying
to leave the country illegally with endangered
species.
So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at
least ten years for me to
finish this Ark."
Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to
shine, and a rainbow
stretched across the sky.
Noah looked up in wonder and asked, "You mean,
You're not going to
destroy the world?".
"No," said the Lord. "The U.S. Government
beat me
In the year 2005, the Lord came unto Noah, who was
now living in the
United
States, and said, "Once again, the earth has
become wicked and
over-populated and I see the end of all flesh
before me. Build another Ark
and save two of every living thing along with a
few good humans."
He gave Noah the blueprints, saying, "You have
six months to build the
Ark before I will start the unending rain for 40
days and 40 nights".
Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw
Noah weeping in his
yard
. but no ark.
"Noah", He roared, "I'm about to start the
rain! Where is the Ark?"
"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah. "But things
have changed. I needed a
building permit. I've been arguing with the
inspector about the need for a
sprinkler system. My neighbors claim that I've
violated the neighborhood
zoning laws by building the Ark in my yard and
exceeding the height
limitations. We had to go to the Development
Appeal Board for a decision.
Then the Department of Transportation demanded a
bond be posted for the
future costs of moving power lines and other
overhead obstructions , to
clear the passage for the Ark's move to the sea.
I argued that the sea
would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing
of it.
Getting the wood was another problem.
There's a ban on cutting
local
trees in order to save the spotted owl. I tried to
convince the
environmentalists that I needed the wood to save
the owls. But no go!
When I started gathering the animals, I got
sued by an animal rights
group. They insisted that I was confining wild
animals against their will.
As well, they argued the accommodation was too
restrictive and it was
cruel
and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined
space.
Then the EPA ruled that I couldn't build
the Ark until they'd
conducted an environmental impact study on your
proposed flood.
I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with
the Human Rights
Commission on how many minorities I'm supposed to
hire for my building
crew.
Also, the trades unions say I can't use my
sons. They insist I have to
hire only Union workers with Ark building
experience.
To make matters worse, the IRS seized all my
assets, claiming I'm
trying
to leave the country illegally with endangered
species.
So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at
least ten years for me to
finish this Ark."
Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to
shine, and a rainbow
stretched across the sky.
Noah looked up in wonder and asked, "You mean,
You're not going to
destroy the world?".
"No," said the Lord. "The U.S. Government
beat me