This dropping to the floor has to stop

[Claire]

I haven't posted for a while but have kept up with all the news once in a while. Adam now 10 has started a habit of dropping to the floor and just sitting there refusing to cooperate to anything.
Talking nice, firm or bribing doesn't work either.
We asked for a consult with the Crisis Behaviour Team and they came to his school. One of their suggestion was to ignore completely the behaviour which we we're able to do at home and the problem was solved after 4 days. He still drops once in a while but is easily re-directed to something else.
Well, today I got a call from school that he was in the library, got in line when time to leave and then for no reason just dropped and refused to move. My husband and I went to the school, and sure enough, Adam was laying there and I could tell all had tried their best to get him to get up. Even the principal had tried and 2 other different people. He would not budge.
When he saw me and Dave walk in he had the same stuborn attitude, I had to lift him up. I made him walk to the teachers, EA, and Librarian and appologize. As soon as he had appologized he dropped again. For no reason like it was the thing to do.
I have never seen him so stubborn, when they told us he drops all the time, I was not thinking it was this bad.
Did any of you have a child that would drop like Adam. I personally think it is a now an attention getter, as the teacher says he actually laughs sometimes and thinks it's a great game to be lifted up and dragged. He also now weighes 90 pds. Not counting the fact that he is happy to be coming home when we are called to get him.
I hate to admit this but his therapist told us it was "typical" a lot of DS children do it as either frustration, stubborness or simply getting a reaction. Well Adam is getting a reaction all right he has them over him all the time.
He does not have a personal EA but to tell you the truth I think some days he actually has 3 just to keep up with him which leaves the other kids without an aid. He is in a special needs class with 7 other children.
I need a solution or some advice and I told his teacher I would post cause you guys are all pros'

[jelanismom]

Hello there and welcome to the club "STOP FLOP and DROP"
I wish I had words of wisdom, but I don't, sorry...I'll be watching your topic for answers too.

I hate to admit this but his therapist told us it was "typical" a lot of DS children do it as either frustration, stubborness or simply getting a reaction. Well Adam is getting a reaction all right he has them over him all the time.

Believe me, everything you said is like me talking!!! I only know that it's common. Jelani's school hasn't provided any insight, I have an IEP next week and this will be one of the topics. I wonder if there's a Crisis Behavior Team at my son's school.

Jelani does this ALOT, and even at recess he prefers to sit.
Something I noticed in "typical" developing kids...ever see them being pulled along by an adult and they refuse to go? You know how they get those spaghetti legs and refuse to walk? I guess it's almost like my son is in this virtual world of toddlerhood until he's darn ready to move on!
One thing I know though, it's alot easier to drop down then to communicate "I don't want to go here, do this" etc. For my son it's a definite means of communication, and I'm hoping once he learns to talk more, this behavior will stop.

I feel for you, Jelani is only 30lbs but that about does it for my arm strength, I can see how you said it take 3 persons. I think it would be interesting for both of us to hear from parents of older kiddos to see if this behavior too will pass. All the best.

Dawn

[damarasmom]

Hi there, I too belong to this club! Damara drops and becomes very limp, so it is difficult to pick her up! I really dislike this action. Right now we are using redirection and ignoring, but this does not always work...it is the most frustrating thing we have right now with her... I wish someone would come up with a cure for this!!!

[Googsmom aka Jennifer]

I didn't know there was a club for this behavior Brook does this same thing. I just ignore her and she will eventually get up and go about her way. She also has this new thing of flipping backwards when I go to pick her up for something. I just set her down and walk away. No time for that kind of nonsence.

I feel for you Claire. It's gotta be hard. I wish I had a solution for you. (((((CLAIRE)))))

[CC]

OMG Christopher was famous for doing that For us what worked was time out and then doing 1 ~ 2 ~ 3 and thankfully we never had to get to 3 He had out grown it, Thank God ;D

I will just add that for us ignoring things never worked for our guy but that is Chris.

Hang in there, this too shall pass.

CC ~

[Claire]

Just thought to add that the teachers and EA's have done the positive re-inforcement, the ignoring, the bribing and the redirecting. Some of the tgings worked for a while but he usually figures out the game and use it to his advantage. I also want to dd that when I went to the school, got him up the first time, and then for no reason at all he dropped again. I guess our little ones figure that puts them in power. Thanks and keep posting a few of us are looking for a miracle cure to this problem.
PS: RE: the Behavior Crisis Team they don't have this agency at the school they are with an agency called Children's treatment centre. they come into the class and observe the child then give reccommendations, but when they are there it is usually only for a few hours if that, and of course it is always when Adam is having a good day.

[Ericsmomma]

Eric is a master at this...
we do the "1..2..3..thing too, and it usually works, but not always. It got so bad, I finally got a custom child stroller (after fighting with the insurance company for over 1 year!), and take it whenever we have to walk a longer distance. That definetly helps. Good Luck!

[Valerie]

No help here. I've got a dropper, too. I was kind of hoping he'd outgrow it, but if Adam is still doing it at 10, kind dims my hope a little.

So far, me very sternly saying, "GET UP!" generally does the trick. Sometimes a little physical "assist" is needed. Which isn't fun with his 50lb body, so I don't envy you trying to deal with 90 lbs!

[lespring]

Well call it the Flop-n-Drop here. Drives me nuts. Angela just started doing it about a year ago, when she got too big for me to move. We try to just ignore it and walk away.

She's only done it at school a couple of times but they're under strict instructions from the behavioral team "DO NOT ENGAGE WITH HER!!!!" Turn your back and talk to someone else!!! This gets her up within a matter of seconds most of the time. If you engage with her it's reinforcing the attention she's trying to get. We don't even give her eye contact during this time! Who cares if she sits there for an hour? That's HER problem and she'll soon learn that it's very boring if nobody is giving you any attention! Angela has even missed lunch AND recess this way. But, as soon as she DOES get up, something REALLY GOOD happens. Like a preferred activity that is just a minute or two long, so that she knows getting up is a better choice than just sitting there. We DO NOT say anything to her about making good choices, etc. because that, again, is giving her attention for what she did. No, we just move right into the preferred activity.

Here's a good way we've found to get Angela up. This happened in the computer lab, and it just so happened the behavioral specialist was observing that day. Angela dropped, so the behavior specialist grabbed a piece of paper, jotted something on it and announced to the air, "Oh darn! I have this note that needs to get to the office, maybe someone will bring it there for me." She set the note on a nearby computer desk and walked away. That is something too much for Angela to resist, and she was immediately up volunteering to do the job! Stuff like that works for her all the time!

[Jessie]

Been there, done that - glad we're over that lovely stage!!!

I know at the time we were going through this we tried to ignore it when we could because sometimes it was just an attention-getting thing. The problem was when he would do this at other people's houses and sometimes it can't be ignored.

With Jason, 90% of his behavioral issues stem from his inability to communicate well. We started really laying it out to him before we were going somewhere what the expecations were. For example, 'we are going to grandma's house today, you will be coming home with us, don't give us any problems when it's time to go home, ok?' And we would repeat this until he would respond with a yes or ok so we knew he heard what we said. We still do this with everything we do - he can't ask but he wants to know what's going on. Actually, I will repeat it a couple more times just so he's heard it over and over.

This was probably the biggest thing WE have had to learn - he doesn't just pick up on what we are doing, even if we are talking about it in front of him - which is probably typical of any kid. The difference is, when we get in the car, he can't ask what's going on like any other kid would. We have to constantly remember to talk to him about what's going on and anticipate what his questions might be.

Maybe Adam's teacher could set expectations . . . Adam, we are going to the library, when it's time to go back to class you will walk with everyone else . . . something along those lines anyway.

Now that I think about it, we need to program those things into Jason's aug device (where are we going, why, etc.).

A large does of maturity also helped get through this stage.

Another thing that got me through this stage was when I was whining to my sister about it and her response was, 'he'll grow out of it, you don't see 30 year old people with Ds throwing themselves on the ground or running off either'. Yup, that was a lifesaving statement for me when she said that!!! LOL


Jessie

[edugator]

Count me in as well...perhaps we should start paying dues and have a mommy social...perhaps on a cruise with cute cabana boys bringing boat drinks- ah, time to focus.

I don't have any great wisdom to add- All that has been suggested works sometimes.

Good luck to all- and if anyone creates magic pill or reaction 100% guaranteed to work- let us know!

Tracy

[Connie]

Claire,

Been there done that...But, I don't think they are doing it for no reason. There is a reason we just don't know what it is because they don't know how to communicated it back to us.

He flopped and dropped in the library. Did he want to get a book? Did he want to finish hearing a story? What?

While not appropriate behavior we have to take into account that they want to be heard and understood. I always try to step back and look at why they are doing something.

Collin for example would not come down from the slide yesterday at school when recess was over. Why? Because he was having fun playing. The teacher actually went up the slide and chased him down....I have to talk to her about this because trust me that is not a behavior they want to get started....DO NOT CHASE I always preach at them. Unless it is something that he is going to get hurt at!!!

With that being said....I know I'm a mean mom and I'm sure someone here will tell me ;D

When Collin would to the flop and drop and I would not have time or could not figure out what he wanted I would....take him by the arm and jam my thumb up into his armpit applying pressure until he stood up because I did not want to hurt him or me by fighting with him and lifting him. Collin rarely flop any more.

Our big problem is when he's had enough school work he will crawl under a table. Then I tell the teachers not to fight with him but to go and offer their hand and tell him come on we are going for a walk...If, the constant person won't work they get a fresh face that will usually do the trick. He just needs a minute to recharge his batteries and will go back in and do his work. This takes less time than fighting with him...not what I want from my child but....you've got to pick your battles.

About you having to come and pick him up....I would put a stop to that. I have told the school I want to work with them and if it means coming and disciplining Collin every day I will but every time I do they loose control and he wins because I will not take him home...that sets a bad example and our kids know how to manipulate us. Heck if mom will come and get me and I can go home why shouldn't I be bad!!!

Hugs girlie...we've all been there.
Connie

[steffipoo]

;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

HI!!! OMG I feel for you. Thankfully (knock on wood) Liv lost this behavior just b4 her first year in kinder. And by then she would only do it once in a blue moon. Now mind you I started dealing with this about 2 and a half years of age with Olivia. I used to pick her up and found that this is a big no no as she got JUST what she wanted and I had one heck of a buffed right arm. Then she just got WAAAAAY too heavy to even attempt to pick her up. The ignoring really helped 100% with her but understanding that in school it just can't be ignored a lot of times due to safety issues. I loved angelas moms idea as this is exactly what we would do for Olivia. Like in kinder she would do stuff occasionally NOT come in for recess. She actually once told the strict kinder teacher she would only come in if she gave her a piece of candy which earned her the nickname Angelika(from the rugrats) from the kinder teacher that day.lol We found that there were certain instances wherby we could stop the behavior b4 she started it. There were time we knew she was gonna drop so just b4 she did we would give her an errand or something to help out the teacher . Distraction worked really well with her. We also found if we could pinpoint exactly when she did it we could get a handle on it as she is smart and would soon drop to the floor JUST TO get to go to the office and make copies etc, So trying to find what is causing it and getting to him/her b4 it starts is a good idea. For example we found sometimes storytime was just waaaaaaaay too long for her. She liked a quick story very simple and if it was too long she'd crawl on the floor and be ridiculous. If they saw her starting to get restless they'd get her to go in another room and say work on her letters on an easel.OR What she really did well with was praise. For example, IF for example she was crawling all over the floor being a nuisance instead of the teachers reprimanding her we suggested to them to praise those around her. Sitting right next to her. Here's the scenario, she's crawling all over being distracting so the teacher stops the story and says MY JILL you are sitting sooooo nicely I am so proud of you and Jason you too etc. JUST that tiny thing got Olivia to jam back to her spot and sit up tall awaiting her compliment. The stubborn teachers were amazed at the results and started doing it with all the kids. If ignoring won't work I would suggest distraction and perhaps someone(our inclusion specialist came in and observed) could point out triggers the teachers may not even see as there are so many kids in a class. Ya know? Good luck. Olivia has not really done it since kinder and knock on wood won't do it again. Now if she doesn't wanna do something she looks right at u n says NO Not doing it.UGGGG. I can usually get her out of that by saying TV NOT DOING IT... P*sses her off. lol but it works... (((HUGS))) Steff

[logansmom]

Yep, we deal with this too! Usually (but not always), he'll get up if I tell him he's headed for a timeout and start counting. It's funny, because he's never really seemed to mind sitting in timeout (stares at the wall, counts the tiles, plays with his fingers, sings, etc.) . . . but it usually works as a good deterrent. I also think it's funny that the threat of a timeout works with someone already sitting on the floor -- but then again my when my dog would get loose and be running around the neighborhood I could always get him to come right up to me if I showed him a leash. Whatever works, I guess.

I really appreciate reading all the suggestions. We're heading off to Kindergarten in the fall, and I'm guessing we might have some increased behavior problems in the fall as he gets used to a new school, new classroom, new teacher, etc. He always wants to test the waters and see what he can get away with. Ugh.

Kim

[elizabethsmom]

I have absolutely no advice as Elizabeth isn't standing UP yet so can't drop DOWN. :-) However, I've always found it ridiculous that schools send kids home who are acting out! This happened A LOT to my baby brother when he was in school (I, as an adult, had to be the one to go get him). He was smart...act out...get to go home...duh!! Where's the down side? So..I would talk to them and see if there isn't some way to keep him IN school. When my son (now a graduating senior) was in young elementary he went thru a phase where he wanted to come home everyday. He acted out once and was sent home. I then spoke with the principal and when he acted out the second time, he got to stay 10 minutes EXTRA and clean up the paper on the floor. Never did that again! :-) Must've worked, he's graduating!

Anyway, sorry no advice...but will watch for the future for us. Maybe someone will come up with a way for me to prevent it from happening at all! :-)
Sheryl