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Post by jelanismom on Jun 26, 2008 12:33:17 GMT -5
I've been offline and then back and forth with computer probs...so now seems fine (fingers crossed). So I need to catch up. But first let me throw this out there for you...(and to get off my chest  )... This morning I dropped Jelani off and met his summer school teacher and the kids are the same group, and Jelani was acting like a much younger child, I was sorta sad...he was eating his cornflakes and then BAM!- he throws the whole bowl on the ground (they were all at an outdoor table eating) THEN he threw the kid next to hims bowl.  All the while looking at me for disapproval? The Spec. Ed Coord. was telling me he's acting like a little kid in a highchair that tosses things. (I hate to believe that, because he's 5) But I see it at home, the clearing off of tables with a big sweeping arm, throwing store shelf items, throwing toys at home....and all the while I can't believe it's the "stage" he's in...probably because it's never been "this" bad. I have to remember alot of things come into play with Jelani...he has audiological and visual impairments, language, gross/fine motor, and cognitive delays...OK the word "global" is fitting...I have to drill it into my head that his behavior will take time to evolve into appropriate. I dread the fact the "screamer" is in his class again and also come Fall. This boy has autism and is not speaking yet and Jelani seems to copy his screams....I recognized it this morning...I heard some similar screaming like I hear Jelani do at home...I look and there's this little kid tapping his mouth and screaming like I see Jelani do (since this year) God only knows this is exactly where Jelani picked this up. I know that odd and repetitive behaviors are common in our children with Ds...but it just makes no sense that I NEED to go school shopping because of one child in his class...but what else can I do?  Otherwise, I appreciate the school setting. I just worry about Jelani's behaviors and lack of typical peer modeling. I need some advice from an advocate, obviously! His self contained class is in the developmental stage that he is and some are beyond and are talking in sentences, but this one "screamer"child is the disruptive one. And then this kid hugged me, I felt bad, cause he's the dear heart that makes me want Jelani out of then class! Top it off with my "job hunting" and no father figure for Jelani...well, I have to laugh and keep a good sense of humor while being as serious as a heart attack to make the right choices for Jelani. I see that he's regressing with these odd behaviors. Calgon "take me away!!!!"  Good thing I love the dikkens out of my little rugrat, he's my sunshine....I guess I needed to vent....ok - venting all done (for now) I guess I'm spoiled with all the advice and pats on the back...it's you guys fault I'm spoiled ...but then so is Jelani! Thanks for listening...I feel like such a complainer, but I know you all understand (even if you talk about me like I'm a whiner) ;D I guess we all get this way sometimes.... so thanks for reading! have a nice day...I'll try!!!!  Dawn |
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Post by damarasmom on Jun 26, 2008 12:59:41 GMT -5
AWWWWWEEEE, I'm so sorry that you are having such a tough time! I can understand that you are challenged and things are so frustrating...I sure wish I could help you, all I can do is tell you that I understand and sympothize with you, it's ok that you vent we all need to sometimes!
Keep your chin up girl!
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Post by jelanismom on Jun 26, 2008 13:05:46 GMT -5
Awe thanks Shirley...chin's way up...infact it has to be up to disguise an ever growing double chin (eeek!) I hear there's lipozap for that. LOLOL ;D
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Post by Jackie on Jun 26, 2008 17:48:31 GMT -5
Gee Dawn...you post so eloquently that it's hard to think of this as bad...LOL. A sense of humor always helps. ;D I don't know how the experts feel these days...but when Em was in school and I was an advocate for all in sped...the buzz was to never put a child with autism in a class with another child with autism as they tend to copy behaviors. Our district went out of their way to find appropriate role models for kids with autism. I think with most of our kids appropriate behavior role models are just as important...whether or not they have autism. So much behavior is 'learned' behavior...you just have to wonder who Jelani has seen do all these things before. (Now if YOU clear the table at home in this manner...you will have to fess up ;D). I think if I spent all day with a 'screamer' I would act out too...so that may be a big part of it. Are there any other options within the same school that do not include kids with these behaviors? If not then it really might be best to go school shopping if you cant come to a good solution with your school district. Lumping kids with challenging behaviors all in one classroom will just NEVER EVER work. Is there any way with an aide that he could maybe spend more time in a typical classroom...or a play activity outside of school where he has normal role models ...even if some might be a bit younger. When Em was little I would see her occasionally 'try out' some outlandish behavior once in a while, too. And I always could tell just who it was she was copying. It is frustrating when WE try so hard and then things beyond our control interfere. OH.............for a perfect World Jackie |
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Post by momofrussell on Jun 26, 2008 18:24:37 GMT -5
HUGS Dawn... I know these phases can truly be rough ones. I still think when it comes to behaviors it's always two-fold. WHAT is causing the behavior, i.e. other health issues, mimicking, etc... and then the WHAT do we do WHEN the behavior is going on. Don't think that you can only address ONE part of this. Lots think that if they can pinpoint the behavior all will be ok, but at the end of the day, no matter WHY he is doing it, do you want him throwing? If he didn't have DS what would you do if he threw his bowl at home or cleared the table with a big long swift of an arm? THAT is what you have to ask your self Most behaviors we still can't pinpoint WHY Russell does them... it varies....sometimes we can, sometimes we can't... but truthfully? I don't care WHY he hits... I don't want him hitting and my "what to do about it" would ALWAYS be the same no matter WHY he did it. Boundries..... if you set them, Jelani will learn, in time, to understand them..even if it takes a long time. At school and at home if he is doing a "learned" behavior from mimmicking and it's a bad behavior, have him pick it up. Make the school follow this rule too. Whatever you need to have done the school needs to do the exact same thing. Suggest better peer modelling, take notes, collect data and know that Jelani WILL learn the rules someday, you have to just keep them up. It took me a long time to understand what our PT was trying to teach me about that and Russell. I'd never my girls throw things, but Russell threw! LOL Good luck..... keep the humor.....we have plenty years ahead of us, we are going to NEED IT! A. |
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Post by Googsmom aka Jennifer on Jun 26, 2008 22:36:50 GMT -5
Ditto to the above all the way!! All I can add is a {{{{HUGGIE}}}} Maybe you need to go w/ Em on a beer run LOL Couldn't hurt eigh?  |
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Post by ALLISA on Jun 27, 2008 9:42:09 GMT -5
So much behavior is 'learned' behavior...you just have to wonder who Jelani has seen do all these things before. (Now if YOU clear the table at home in this manner...you will have to fess up ;D). I love EVRYTHING Jackie says....but this one....I have to disagree with. Erin was a thrower. She could clear a path of destruction through my house and any table tops, bookshelves, chairs along the way were fair game. This was not something she learned in school, from other kids, or saw someone do.....she just LOVED the noisy feedback and sensory input she got from it. She was the destructor of her classroom.....but.....none of the other kids mimicked or copied her behavior and for the past 3 years has been in a room with only kids with Autism.....they would all roll their eyes and say "why does Erin do that ?" I don't think that a disruptive child is going to "turn" another child into a destructor....so I wouldn't change schools because of one child....but.....at the same time....good role models are NEEDED and if you feel that is lacking....then I would consider that a pretty big problem...... want to write more....but have to run right now....be back later..... |
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Post by momofrussell on Jun 27, 2008 12:43:29 GMT -5
Good poing Allisa. I think in this case it would depend on the child. Russell would be like Erin and it wouldn't be a learned behavior for him either. BUT, there are kids that do learn it. I know a few kids use to come home flapping and licking because of Russell ;D What a proud moment that was for us back in Kindy! LOL A. |
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Post by mollysmomma on Jun 27, 2008 15:59:02 GMT -5
one of the things another, more experienced mom told me (ahem nancy) was that i needed to dissassociate myself from molly's behavior. ...it was not what she was taught...our kids act out. (i was having the same complaint with her via email)
With her, it's REALLY evident because of her inability to verbally express her emotions. I thank God daily, that she has the teacher she does.
I get notes from her - for instance just last week.
AJ got to lead the group, and molly thought it was her turn. She ended up "punting" his bottle of water down the hall. She has quite a leg on her, you should seriously think about soccer!! We made her tell AJ that she was 'sorry', and then she had to clean up all the dribbles with a paper towel. She was more inclined to clean as to say 'im sorry' but with encouragement, did both.
Other than that escipade...we had a great day!!
and then she proceeds to tell me everything they did that molly did well...and had fun at!
So, to you, dear mommy.....by all means work on it at home. We do...CONSTANTLY, but don't be embarrassed if your child expresses his/herself the only way they can! For sure, find the teacher/aide that loves your child like you do....they are out there, although the hunt can take forever sometimes.
She's even called me because Molly didn't want to eat her ketsup...something MUST be WRONG!
and sure enough, i just run her right to the doctor (ear infection starting) Her teacher KNOWS HER...and that makes all the difference in the world.
Molly just turned 8, and trust me, there are days when i REALLLLLLLLLLLY REALLLLLLLLLY WISH she would talk more...but for the most part, she is what she is....and that's pretty durned nice!
Deep breaths, and long baths......
e & molly kate
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Post by CC on Jun 27, 2008 20:57:00 GMT -5
K, not sure if this helps or not. But thought I would share my guy aka Christopher was OMG one heck of a thrower and take things off the shelves OMG was not fun going shopping with him. BUT I want to share that he was in inclusion in his early years till he was 9 and did not learn this behavior from anyone. He was very very frustrated due to lack of communication and other things.
We had to teach him how to use certain toys that my daughter when she was his age just knew or figure out how to use KWIM But with Chris we literally had to teach him how to use them, which took away lots of his frustration.
We had to literally teach him how to be in the stores and act appropriate and was not easy but it paid off.
HUGS to you girl, having to due it all on your own, honestly I don't know that I could have ever gotten through Christopher's so called "stages" on my own.
You are NOOOOO way a whiner girl OMG I have been there too with the Hmmm lets say Tough behavior and its not easy but honestly saying this in a very caring manner, its not always something they just got from another child, KWIM
Do you have a Behavior Plan in place at your school for Jelani? One thing I have found is that school seem to forget the "I" in the IEP, KWIM
Just wanted to add that Chris no longer and has not has this kind of behavior for years now, it does get better ;D
HUGS
CC ~ |
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Post by steffaroni on Jun 28, 2008 9:13:47 GMT -5
Hey Dawn...so sorry to hear about whatz been going on. I have free time now and am sending you my number ina PM to u today . Call me please.... As far as the behaviors there is one that Olivia cannot tolerate and that is screaming. She could never ever be in a class with a screamer. It's one behavior that drives her nuts and makes her crazy. A screamer in the class would cause her to have many behaviors as to GET OUT of the classroom any mean she had to.I'llpmyou now. Going out for a run with Kyle this morning as Olivia stayed at Granny as I had a HUGE toothache and my momma felt sorry for me and grabbed Liv for the night. So will be back by 11 am call me k>>> ((((HUGS))) Steff |
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Post by danikins on Jun 28, 2008 19:07:25 GMT -5
Aw Dawn,
Just a big hug.... Being a single mom does have it's challanges. Dani gets into these throwing modes. I grow more in love with Dani every day. But, raising her alone has its challanges. Just wanted to send you a special "CALGON" hug.
Jelani is blessed to have such a wonderful mommy.
Kim
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)...
All the while looking at me for disapproval? The Spec. Ed Coord. was telling me he's acting like a little kid in a highchair that tosses things. (I hate to believe that, because he's 5) But I see it at home, the clearing off of tables with a big sweeping arm, throwing store shelf items, throwing toys at home....and all the while I can't believe it's the "stage" he's in...probably because it's never been "this" bad.
Otherwise, I appreciate the school setting. I just worry about Jelani's behaviors and lack of typical peer modeling. I need some advice from an advocate, obviously! His self contained class is in the developmental stage that he is and some are beyond and are talking in sentences, but this one "screamer"child is the disruptive one. And then this kid hugged me, I felt bad, cause he's the dear heart that makes me want Jelani out of then class!
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