HELP! How do I get through to these people?

[Jodi]

Ryan is 10, and because he has severe speech delay, people talk to him like he is two!!

His new aid said to Ryan "Ryan is a big boy now" like he was a baby!! UGH!! My parents do it too. I explained to my mom that every time she does that, she takes away his opportunity for growth. I try to explain to people that they are talking beneath him... that just because he can't talk clearly doesn't mean he doesn't understand.

What do I do? How do I get people to stop treating him this way? My mom and sister say that they don't mean anything by it - okay, but that's not the point. I asked them if they are going to keep talking like this to him when he is 20? 30? I have a neice that is 12 and I asked them how can they talk one way with her and a different way with Ryan.

The other thing people do is say "that's nice" when they don't understand him. UGH UGH!! He knows when people don't get it and will try to help them understand him - but I just can't stand when people do that to him. I try to model and say, "Ryan, I just don't understand... can you write it? Spell it?"

Any suggestions? He is in a new class at a new school. I've called the behavior specialist and program specialist at the district to talk about this problem. I got to nip it NOW!

[mydsgirl]

You know, sometimes we just can't get through to people. Especially the ones we love. But maybe you can try this. "Talk to them like they are babies and do it for a while. See if they catch on.

[tiffany]

I know how you feel! I am having a hard time getting Leah's aids to back off at school. They are constantly doing EVERYTHING for her! How will she ever learn if she isnt allowed to make mistakes? I know they love her, but they tend to baby her just like you are saying! I think people want to do whats right for the child, but somehow they cant get it through their heads that this is a growing child, not a baby!

[Googsmom aka Jennifer]

All I can offer is a {{{{{HUG}}}}}. I just don't allow anyone to treat Brooker any different than any of the other kids who run around here. I haven't had to deal w/ this as of yet. Stay strong and keep trying to make your point. Hopefully soon they will listen

[Chris too]

Wow. We have never had this problem, but then Stevie is still just 3. We do have a bit of trouble with her brothers calling her a baby - not meanly, just descriptively. But we are working on that. So we are in the middle of the "big girl" stage. Don't know what I'll do if we encounter this problem - well, I do know. I will not bother to discuss it. I will just say stuff like "Wow. That's demeaning. You know she's 5 now (because that's the age to stop this sort of language) - you were at her birthday party, right?" I don't piddle around with that sort of thing. Straight up is the best way & then it's over.

My advise for you is to tell them what you expect clearly & without emotion. Then if they "revert" to scowl at them & say "Wow. I can't believe you just said that." or some such. For the aid, write it down in his communication notebook. Be clear; do not explain why (she knows how old he is); put in there some alternate praises & that under no circumstances is she to refer to "big boy" him.

Best wishes!

[Jodi]

I sent a few people an email that GENTLY explained how their tone undermines Ryan's ability to communicate at his level. I explained that I understand the tendency to communicate differently, but that we had to figure out a way to break through that thinking for Ryan's sake.

You know, it is funny because when people talk to him like he is 2 (or a baby) he will actually respond in that tone - like he is lowering the level for them!!

Thanks for letting me vent - I'm more patient today

Jodi

[Kaylis]

Boy do I understand! When Mikah moved from the toddler room to the 2 year-old room at daycare (which meant a change in playgrounds to one with all the 2-5 year olds) we had to ask each room to discuss that he's not a baby with the kids. They were calling him "baby" or "baby Mikah" and playing with him like he was much younger. It's gotten much better now, and any new kids who treat him that way are reminded by the others to treat him correctly.

Kaylis

[mommygwen]

I just tell people. "He hears and understands very well. It it his speach that is impaired. If you speak correctly, he will be better able to learn how to speak."

[steffaroni]

he will actually respond in that tone - like he is lowering the level for them!!

OMG this just made me laugh..... If he ever does this make sure you point this out to the very people who r doing it. I love the fact that he is lowering hisself to accomodate their needs.The more I think about it the more it makes sense and cracks me up in a sad way but nonetheless cracks me up...Have you told these very people what he's doing to accomodate them? Maybe coming at it that way if you haven't already may make more sense to them. I don't know what you've said already if not try it. (((HUGS))) Steff

[victoriasdad]

well im not sure if this will help but my mother in law talks to me like i am ten yrs old

[mollysmomma]

I KNOWWWWWWWWWWW!!

(and feel your pain)

I send a letter to all of molly's classmates at the beginning of
each school year explaining DS and Molly.

This year there was an amended paragraph in it that said.
"i know i'm a little smaller than you, and don't talk alot, but I AM NOT A BABY! It's easy to 'mother' me...but please don't. I don't speak many words, but I understand them all. Just talk to me like a KID!

It's an issue with me, too.

[steffipoo]

;D ;D ;D ;D Victorias dad my MOM treats me like I'm 10 years old.. hee hee

That was a smart idea mollys ma. See I like the idea of sending a letter and kinda lettin em know up front what you expect out of everyone else as well. Your leading the way cause really I think when it comes to kids who are different the parents of the typical kids would LOVE to know how you want them to treat your child. Ya know? Cool Steff

[Jodi]

LOLOL Victoriasdad!!! Thanks for adding some humor

I think this will be a life-long struggle... but I'm (still) up for the challenge.

[Emilysmom]

Jodi,
It really is a challenge. I struggle more with our own FAMILY members treating Emily like she is 10 years old, than I do with others most of the time! I know I've posted this before, but my biggest complaint is that Emily's brother (and sometimes her dear daddy too, sadly) want to hold her hand when we are out and about!!!!!!!!!! It drives me wild! She is more than capable of walking through the mall, amusement parks, water parks, etc alone! The problem is that she walks more slowly than we do, so I think people feel if they grab her by the hand and walk with her it will speed her up. I've said so many times "but it gives her the appearance of someone who is INCAPABLE of walking alone", or looks like she is being DRUG by the hand. I've talked firmly to her brother about the fact that he is actually HURTING her; not being nice to her. He looks at me like I have no sense at all. I'm going to keep working on it. That's the only thing I can suggest to you too. Good thing we're both up for the challenge!

Susan