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Dilemma
Sept 8, 2008 22:07:39 GMT -5
Post by laurasmom on Sept 8, 2008 22:07:39 GMT -5
I hate dilemmas right around Laura's birthday, kwim? I tried putting this off until next week, but my brain won't let me. So....here goes.
I have always been an advocate of inclusion for Laura, as appropriate. And I don't just mean school inclusion, but community inclusion. Everything from going to the library, to shopping, taking the trash to the dump, you name it, she goes with us. We have been attending a local church here for several years. Laura loves the services. Youth group has been hit or miss, and mostly a miss lately.
There is a church in the town south of us, about 12-15 miles away, that has a Grace Church, for people with disabilities. The woman that runs the program is amazing, and the whole church is amazing. It is a great program. A friend of mine whose daughter also has DS keeps asking us to come try it. She thinks Laura will love it.
So, do I forego this area of inclusion, and let Laura try it and see if she enjoys it? Or do we stay with our local church, and keep trying for inclusion there? Am I being selfish, thinking about my dreams for Laura, and not thinking about what is best for her? We might be able to still have Laura go to the local churches' youth group, but then that is one group on Sundays, another group on Mondays.
This would also be a change for our family. We would all attend the new church, as it would be silly for me to drive her 15 miles to Grace Church, then 15 miles back for local church, then 15 miles to pick her up, then 15 miles back home. Sixty miles total, not to mention time, gas, etc..
I am in a pickle. I want what is best for Laura, but also for our family as a whole. I really just don't know what to do.
Sharon
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Dilemma
Sept 9, 2008 5:47:15 GMT -5
Post by Ericsmomma on Sept 9, 2008 5:47:15 GMT -5
hmm...does Laura enjoy your home Church? How do the other kids treat her? Is their program structured around children with developmental disabilities? Its a tuff call, because you would all be affected by your decision. Does the new church have a mid-week service or Sunday night service you could all attend? That way you can check out the program without alot of disruption to the rest of the family. Its nice that you have a option. I'm a Catholic, and there is not many programs for children with disabilities. In fact, there aren't many programs for children in general. But back to the subject....I would give the new Church a look...might be something you all like.
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Dilemma
Sept 9, 2008 6:00:55 GMT -5
Post by Pat on Sept 9, 2008 6:00:55 GMT -5
I was kind of thinking along the lines with Dolly. I'm a pastor's wife. We"re a young church & rent a building on Sundays, so my kids go to another church for youth group. Most of all you need to go where you feel fed! God will take care of the rest. I'm not saying don't check out the new church, if it feeds you & you want to change fine. I would not go just for Laura. If Sunday night or Monday you were going to drive 15 miles one way or another, I wouldn't care which way. She doesn't have to be part of both youth groups. JMHO Pat
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Dilemma
Sept 9, 2008 8:00:21 GMT -5
Post by Jessie on Sept 9, 2008 8:00:21 GMT -5
I say give it a shot!! Just because you attend the new church a couple of times doesn't mean you can't go back to your regular church if things don't work out. Might end up being a wonderful place for your entire family.
Jessie
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Dilemma
Sept 9, 2008 8:50:19 GMT -5
Post by Jackie on Sept 9, 2008 8:50:19 GMT -5
Laura
I will comment on this even though Emily is not a part of a group. There is a very large youth/adult group here for people with developmental disabilities. It meets at a Church of Christ on Wed evenings. It has kids of all denominations who attend.
This is a large church and I know some families have started attending there themselves. It started right after Emily left home so we never got involved. I hear nothing but rave reviews from parents and participants such as Elvis.
I think when our kids reach their mid teens we really have to start looking at their lives in a different way. I am making these comments somewhat in hindsight.
I was driven for years and years for Emily to remain in the mainstream...to try and live life as if she was not disabled. I have posted on this before saying it had good and bad parts.
Emily is able to integrate very well into non disabled things as an adult...but so are her friends who did not take the same path during their school years.
So, frankly, if I had to do it all over again, I think I would have tried to "include" her more in activities for people with disabilities. I think she spent a lot of time standing on the sidelines "thinking" she was included. I suppose I was afraid back in those early days of mainstreaming that if we opted for more sped...it would keep us there forever.
But frankly I think social life and development is every bit as important as academic for most of our kids. A big component of social development is being happy. So if Laura would be happier and more involved at Grace Church...then personally I would go for it. It would be your decision whether or not to follow her yourselves.
I wonder if it isnt hard for our kids as teens and young adults to be pulled between the worlds of disability and non disability...going back and forth. You know...people who are non disabled don't have this split in their lives...their world remains pretty constant.
These are just my feelings as of today Sept 9 2008....LOL.
Jackie
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Dilemma
Sept 9, 2008 10:08:17 GMT -5
Post by malachismom on Sept 9, 2008 10:08:17 GMT -5
My personal opinion would be to try it atleast once. You will always wonder if you dont. You could always visit that church to just to see if you like it and maybe you could switch churches. one week you go to one and the other you go to another. but even if you dont like it, its not going to hurt to just try it once and see how she likes it.
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Dilemma
Sept 9, 2008 13:30:21 GMT -5
Post by Googsmom aka Jennifer on Sept 9, 2008 13:30:21 GMT -5
Yea, Try it, you and Laura might like it
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Dilemma
Sept 9, 2008 15:57:09 GMT -5
Post by ALLISA on Sept 9, 2008 15:57:09 GMT -5
I say try it....churches are a very personal decision.....and you may love it.....or you may find you prefer yours. IF you did make a change....I wouldn't consider it a " non-inlcusion" decision that you have made....it's like saying you would NEVER join Special Olympics or God Forbid Uno Mas !! ;D Because these are "non-inlcusion" It's always good to try out new things....
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Dilemma
Sept 9, 2008 20:26:09 GMT -5
Post by Emilysmom on Sept 9, 2008 20:26:09 GMT -5
Sharon, I say...........try it!!!!! And, I say that because of our own experiences with Emily. She was also included in absolutely everything we did from day one. She has been very involved in all the activities of our church, and still LOVES it!! She looks forward to every Wednesday afternoon when the church van picks up teens at the junior high and high school and takes them back to the church, where they do a "service project". Some days that means they go to the nursing home and sing to the elderly. Some days they go to Habitat for Humanity workshop to help. Some days they rake leaves for church members who are unable to do so. After that, they go out to eat together and back to the church for worship and study. It's the highlight of her week! BUT, I have noticed that the older she gets, the less she seems to be fully included in all the activities. The other teens are VERY nice to her, and don't "snub" her, but they talk too fast and it's very hard to understand her, so she tends to get a bit lost. And yet, she has a blast there. So, there is a very GOOD place for her at our own church.
THEN, a few years ago a new ministry in our town started by a family we knew from Emily's sports team. They had talked to quite a few families who said they simply were unable to attend church because their children were very noisy, or were constantly on the move, etc. So, the whole point of the church they formed is to make sure that EVERY child/adult with special needs is EMBRACED there, and that the families are free to worship without worry. We talked about it and didn't really feel like we "needed" to attend these services (the 3rd Sat night of each month) because Emily was ok at our home church. But, I was so concerned that if only a few families attended these services it would appear that there was no need for them. And I knew there was! The first service we attended, one boy danced in the aisles the whole time we sang and he sang as we prayed and another boy crawled up to the minister and laid on the floor at his feet during the sermon. His mother was in tears, because she had been unable to go to church for years because his behaviors were simply not welcomed. So, we got involved in this ministry and have gone to every service for several years. Emily LOVES it. She has friends at this church she looks forward to seeing. They have other activities from time to time that she gets very excited about attending. So, for us.........its like the best of both worlds. Maybe this is what Jackie mentioned about going back and forth between the disability and non-disabled community.........but it's working really well for Emily.
I'd try out that new church group and see what Laura thinks.
Susan
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