defiant behavior

[jelanismom]

Jelani decided he would pull down a basket of my make-up that sits on the vanity...he then spread things out on the floor. He one by one starting sticking whatever in his mouth and I told him as I always do - "stop leave mommy's make-up alone! That's mommy's make-up." He learns words best from the times he hears me upset. He walked around shouting "make-up-make-up". So I put the basket back and I just knew he'd do it again, which he did. So I put the basket up high and what did he do? He got on his stepping stool we use to wash hands and he took that darn basket down and threw it again. He was even helping matters by laughing the whole time. I put him in a 5 minute time out. He could care less and found that he could really show mommy so he sat there laughing and throwing his socks and some pillows. I don't raise my voice to him, I use a firm tone and he can see my face. It still makes no difference.

The teacher says he's been throwing his lunch tray to the floor. She said they made him help clean it up and he got a time out for 1 minute, which seemed to calm him down.

I know this is his way of communicating, and a stage. He's testing everyone's patience, and being defiant. So with this in mind...any advice on how to handle these situations best?
thankyou!

[edugator]

Good morning! We have a thrower, laugher, stinker in our house, too. You are doing everything you are supposed to be- so keep your chin up! Hopefully you can nip it before it gets out of control! I will keep my fingers crossed for you!

[Chris too]

{{{{Dawn}}}}
I can read the anxiety in every word of your post. It is so hard to be Mommy, and it sounds like you are being consistent. The only thing I could advise doing differently is to not show any emotion. You said that he knew you were upset & it impressed him, so do anything you can to not "reward" him with your anxiety. Other than that, it sounds like you are doing it all correctly. Keep up the good work, Mom!
More {{{{Dawn}}}}

[damarasmom]

Dawn,
Damara too is a thrower, giggler and a runner with our "things". She makes sure we are watching her and while looking at us, out goes her arm and without looking at the item, she will swat at it until she gets it off the table or whatever, then she will start to run and giggle waiting for us to chase her!
I'm always at a point...saying, do I NOT chase her and then she is not getting punished, or do I chase her and put her in her sad spot? It's a dilema!
I think that Chris is right about it is a reward to see our emotions and that they can "make" that happen...and it's a good idea to not show the emotion, but isn't that VERY tough in the moment???
I'm with you on this one and it sure does sound like you are doing the right stuff, Jelani is just liking your attention, this is a tough situation...
BREATH, CHIN UP, SMILE and keep up the kisses!!!

[momofrussell]

The times he throws do you ever make him pick it up at home? Time out alone without making him pick it up is just reinforcing the behavior.... he knows he can throw and he doesn't have to accept responsiblity for it, he just gets a time out I'd make him pick ANYTHING he throws, up... ALWAYS.

Maybe he needs his own basket of things in the bathroom.....

a.

[andrewsmom]

What great advice A!!!!!

We are also going through this with Andrew. If I sit him in a time out he just stares at the wall and kind of "owws and ahhs" at the shadows. It really doesn't have much of an effect on him. But..... the other night after him throwing french fries on the floor at dinner, I hand over hand made him get down and pick them up one at a time and walked him over to the trash. After the third french fry, he REALLY didn't like it anymore and hasn't thrown any food since!! Now I'm not saying he won't ever do it again...because I know my little bugger will try.....but at least it worked better then the time out.
If you come up with anything else let me know...I could sure use it too!!! ;D Good luck!

-Trisha

[jelanismom]

thanks you all!
And yes A~ his teacher makes him pick it all up (each and every little green pea from a hurling lunch tray or toy or book!)

I agree that we can inadvertantly be reinforcing the bad behavior with the attention we give to it (ie; emotion, anxiety, etc.)

alot of times I notice him throwing stuff to get my attention.

I truely believe it stems from his lack of communication, frustration, and just plain developmental process. I agree that he needs to own up to his behavior and the punishment should fit the crime. Time out without picking it all back up (which I make him do incidently) is like a little fun vacation and a reason to just keep doing it if he sees me getting upset. It's almost like, look mommy, I can make you mad and then just giggle in my time out.

thanks again.