How would you react ??

[shellk]

My sister took her little guys to get a hair cut today, and while she was there a lady comes in with a daughter around 12 with DS and a 1 year old for hair cuts, well....While the 1 year old was getting his hair cut the girl was sitting and waiting and talking away to herself. My sister said she was not being rude or loud or anything like that. She was fiddling with her shorts and you could see her underpants. So, the girls mother walks over to her and says "You need to sit still and stop messing with your pants, I will never let you wear those again." Well, the mother walks away again and the girl does it again, the mother comes back and tells the girl " I said you need to stop it and keep your mouth shut, you are embarassing me!!" My sister said that the little girl looks up at the mom and says, " You need to shut your mouth B@#!H !!" And the mother hauls off and smacks the girl on the leg, my sister said it was an instant hand print. Well, my sister looks at the lady and saya ""There was no need for that" The lady looks at my sister and says to her..."Walk a mile in my shoes and then pass judgement " So, my sis tells her."Hey my sister does walk in your shoes and she would never treat my niece with the disrespect that you have just shown you daughter". The lady then gets nasty again with my sister and walks out of the salon.
My sister calls me when she got home from this and is crying on the phone, she tells me that she has the upmost respect for me and that she knows that Kourtney has behavior problems, but she really felt like this lady was abusive to this girl in public. I really could not stick up for this women, and just told my sister that one day she will do this again and she will either go to jail or some "mom" will take her down in the grocery store. I also told her that the mom may talk to the little girl like the little girl was talking to the mom, she may call the little girl names when no one is around.
I do spank when needed and am not opposed to those who do not , but never would I be that direspectful to my child in public, and plus I am not really a spanker as much as a rear end tapper.
Have any of you seen things like this. I mean I remember before Kourtney was ever born there was a man in Publix with a boy with DS and he smacked him in the head over asking 5 times for popcicles, I did loose it on that man, and left the store crying, not for myself but for the boy. What do ya really do when ya see something like that

Just wondering


Michele

[Claire]

It has never happened to us but I think I would call the police as soon as possible, or even ask the salon owner to do so. They probably had the name and number of this lady. Maybe she is a mean person are maybe she just needs help coping with some issues. Either way she needs help or better yet the child needs help. I would never embarrase my child that way either, whether it be Adam or any of my other 3 kids. Boy some people need to get better manners.
PS: Now that I think of it I would have probably smacked that lady. Which would have been a bad thing fro me to do.

[Chris]

Unfortunately, I see this type of situation all the time. It sickens me that parents can be so abusive. Can you even imagine what the children go through at home? I would be just as upset if the girl had been a typical child.

Your sister did the right thing. I have a friend who says to the parent, "You must really be having a bad day. Can I help you in any way? What if I watch your child for a few minutes while you calm down". My friend has such a gentle yet firm way of talking to these parents.

Chris

[steffipoo]

Dear Michelle.

Hi I have come up with a way of helping without sounding judgemental which has so far(knock n wood) worked every time I tried it.

When I see someone getting crazily frustrated with their kids I walk up to them and say.... Hi you look like you need a hand can I help you? Then I usually try to distract the kid long enough to let the parent gain some semblance of order to their mania , then share how I can so relate I have a kid who blah blah blah... whatever the behavior was and let em know how frustrating it can be. I don't know if its embarassment or just having someone notice them it makes em warm up to you. A lady at our local grocery store was smacking her kid. EVERYONE is looking at her and whispering bout her but the kid was still getting smacked. I couldn't take it anymore so I walked up to her said quietly can I help you with something? She was about to drop something and her kid was throwing things out of the cart. Ya know as fast as I could get a book out of my purse to give the kid and help the lady whos dropping stuff she said THANK YOU!!!!! I walked along the store with them and chatted and it killed me a LOT you guys. I told her about someone doing the same thing for me when I was frustrated with my kid and how much I appreciated it.(although I wasn't hitting my kid:) ) sure enough 10 minutes later they are out of the store just fine. I always keep goodies in my bag for just these situations..And LMAO a lady who works at the store got on the loudspeaker and said YAY for STEPHANIE and they all applauded. SO... so far so good. Even in kinda tough situations... Try it sometime...

[shellk]

Ya know I am a BIG fan of carrying stuff in my bag as well. Nothing like going to the store and the kids throwing a fit. My DH always laughs and asks why I carry so much junk. I always tell him this is not junk, but a life saver in a jam. And that was proved when we went for a 12 hour car ride to Tennessee this last week. Now I think he appreciates my bag of "junk".
Great idea Steff..!!


Michele

[momofrussell]

Well, the mom probably didn't handle herself well in the situation BUT... I have to agree with the mom in question on one thing... we do NOT wear her shoes and do not know what her shoes are like to wear. Because we all have a child w/DS does not automatically make us all wear the same shoes. I have 3 kids and the chemistry and dinamics in my house are totally different then the next guy.

Maybe that mom was having a REALLY bad day, maybe her husband left her, maybe her tire just blew out on the freeway.. who knows... she may not have handled herself appropriately, but maybe there was something that lead up to that, KWIM? Just a thought....And we also don't know how much behaviors that mom deals with in regards to her child w/DS. My oldest, Regan, does NOT have DS but we deal with ALOT.. and it was 24/7 for over a year. Never hit her on her leg in public, but I will tell you, you all would be shocked at the stuff that comes out of my mouth sometimes LOL. I am serious. We are suppose to be calm and have all the answers.. but our kids and life and whatever don't make it easy sometimes.

I know i wouldn't have handled it the same way, but that is my personality. I also wouldn't have called the cops or DCS... a slap MAY be a good indicator of other abuse in the home.. OR, it may be an idicator of a REALLY REALLY crappy day. I'd have to see a BIT more going on to really step in that way.

I like Steff's approach. Seems like a good way to offer a "step in" and maybe redirect the situation. I probably would have focused on the daughter myself. I have taken care of kids since I was 12 and I have SEEN alot. I probably would have talked to the girl and asked what movies she likes, books, how school is, favorite color... ect... because if the mom is in that "mood", I would rather her be left to calm down and try to redirect the daughter so she'd quit playing with her panties LOL...

It's funny, things I think are a big deal in my house, are not in say.. my neighbor's.. and vice versa... so it's different to see what effects us on different levels.

Oh.. and even if I wasn't being "nice" with words to Regan and she called me a pregnant dog in public like that... she may not have gotten my hand on her leg.. but she'd get something.. whether there or not. DS or not, calling your mom a "pregnant dog" (B@#%) isn't appropriate either.

I think mom and daughter have some issues they need work on.

**edited to add** I was just reading over my post and had to LMAO about the "pregnant dog" thing.. because that is NOT what I typed LMAO!!! HEEHEE...

A.

[Staci]

I have to agree with A on this one. I know that every single day dealing with my son's behaviors, I totally wish someone would understand what I go through with him. Dealing with his behaviors can be exhausting and extremely frustrating. On most days I just want to sit down and cry because I'm lost on what to do with/for him. I can understand now, after dealing with this, that other's need to be given the benefit of the doubt. It's not easy dealing with your children's behaviors. I'm not saying that this mother and daughter don't need help, just that maybe we should think about what they MAY have to deal with at home. I think that redirecting the mother and distracting the little girl is a good idea...although this happened with me once and I hated it! I was at the Children's Hospital after Parker's heart surgery for a check-up and sitting at a table in the cafeteria with the kids while my husband was gone in line to get something to eat for 30 minutes. Both children were throwing fits, Aidan in his high chair and Parker, maybe 8 months old, in her stroller. Aidan was TOTALLY out of control and I couldn't calm him down. He was hitting me, scratching my face and pulling my hair in between throwing everything on the table onto the ground, while Parker is SCREAMING in the stroller and I lost it. I sat there and started bawling, everyone was staring at me and a lady came over to see if she could help. I felt like SUCH an awful mother, like I couldn't control my children. So, I dont think I could do this to another mom...make her feel incompetent. I might try to talk to the little girl, but I would totally leave mom alone. That's just my opinion.

Staci

[Debbie]

Wow! I really admire you all. It must be real tough at times.

My oldest neice, Sarah, was quite a handful when she was a baby and toddler. I can still remember when we had to chase her down just to catch her! She had her own mind and was very strong personality wise. My sister was and is pretty strong willed so is her oldest daughter. We had some real tough times with her and I saw the "real world" my sister had to live trying to control her. Believe me, she didn't! Sarah said once to her mother," I know that this is your house and that I have to do what you say but when I am eighteen I will do what I want to do!" She was not even in school yet then!

I can't even begin to understand what you all must go through since I am not a parent but, I have seen it through my sister's life. By the way, she has five girls ranging from the age sixteen, Sarah, to seven. ;D

[Kristen]

I would have let her have it, too. There is NO excuse for slapping a child like that. NONE. EVER. OK, maybe if she stuck her hand in an open flame and it wasone of those your hand moves faster than your mouth things and you smack her to get her to stop immediately before the words come out, but that was not the case here. I think your sister did nothing wrong. I saw a woman just BEATING her little boy calling him "white boy" (she was asian) target becasue they had just been to the old navy (saw them there, too - mean looking but not hitting him) and he had gotten a new coat and he was really wanting to wear it. He was a little kid, for pity's sake! She went ballistic on him like BIG TIME and everyone just stood there staring. She was like what, you never saw anyone discipline their kid before? One woman said yeah, but not beating him! She started beating him worse! I finally was able to speak and told the checker to call security NOW! Which she did, but I never saw if they caught up to her or not. That was many years ago. I wonder what ever happened ot the poor kid.

[Ericsmomma]

Afternoon all;

Wow...I don't know what I would have done...to me the clue in this is the fact that this mom said her daughter was "embarrassing her". I know it may sound weird, but I've sometimes felt this way with Eric too. Well, not exactly embarrassed...maybe thats the wrong word, but I have left gatherings or avoided them altogether because of the way Eric sometime acts. He's probably no worse than other kids his age, but I can't stand the idea of someone who witnesses his behavior thinking its because of the downs. Or feeling sorry for me because of it...maybe i'm a little too sensitive or maybe sometimes I can't except things for what they are...who knows? So maybe thats how this Mom was feeling...a bit overwhelmed, bad day, tiredness, etc...
I totally disagree with the hitting part(sounds like frustration to me), and I understand why your sister got upset. I think she reacted in her own way and she may have prevented this child from being humiliated again...and hopefully gave the mom something to think about. Dolly

[shellk]

Dolly...Ya know I feel like you do at times, I mean on Sunday DH and I took our 1 year old and Kourtney to the flea market, and Kourtney was not being a good kid at all...We are in an isle and it is packed and she is SCREAMING bloody murder, and it really felt like EVERYONE was looking right at me..Give you that "Do I have a booger haning out of my nose feeling!!"


Michele

[christie]

I personally wouldn't have done anything.

I agree with A. nooooo one has any idea what was going on this day or how things really are unless they live with them.

I myself am not a believer in spanking of any kind cause to me and I am ONLY talking bout me it teaches the child its OK to hit or at least a mixed message.

I will say I am human and I am sure I would walk away from that situation with my mind thinking all kinds of things BUT I have to be honest it would not be my place to say anything to that woman.

I have a child that was a true handful and I know at times I had to be tuff with my words and I am sure people thought OMG she is sooo hard on him. I think many times things are not what they seem, KWIM??

Just my opinion

CC ~

[Alice]

We all parents of none typical kids, so we know that there are good days and bad days and even very bad days.
We should not judge any one especially parents with kids with DS.
I would be very sorry for that woman - this would be my reaction.

[YoshsMom]

When I was teaching, I saw the worst and reported many parents. I've had 2 students removed from their home because of my report.

I don't know what I'd do in public, but I think if Yosh was with me I'd keep my mouth shut. There are a lot of crazy people out there and a situation can get out of hand before you know it. I'd be afraid for my own safety.

[Kristen]

Kerri, you made a really good point.