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Prayers
Sept 3, 2004 3:40:12 GMT -5
Post by snickers71801 on Sept 3, 2004 3:40:12 GMT -5
Earlier this week my mother was diagnosed with 4th stage lung cancer and isn't expected to make it to Christmas. I am 21 and my daughter is 3. I am not ready for this and I am beside myself in thought. My daughter is suppose to be my main priority, but right now I am busy with power of attorney papers, living will, and dnr. Does this make me a bad mother if I send my daughter with a friend of mine for a week or two so I can cope with this, or should I have her with me to help me cope. She has been such a great little girl sitting in the hospital for hours on end. Also, how can I cope with this. My daughter is such a grandma's little girl. As soon as we leave the hospital at night, she just repeats nana, nana, nana, nana. I hear it all the way home. I keep thinking about what she is going to think when my mother passes and I cry. Will she remember her, will it hurt her that she is gone, will she understand? Please help me!! I am so depressed, I find it hard to do anything. Taking a shower daily is such a chore. I dont think I can cope with all of this. I need someones advice!! I am not ready to deal with all of this!!!! Thanks in advance for anything you have.
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Prayers
Sept 3, 2004 6:27:12 GMT -5
Post by Connie on Sept 3, 2004 6:27:12 GMT -5
Hugs to you!! No your not a bad mom for wanting your little one to go stay with a friend for a week. Sometimes we all need a break the question is do we have people in our lives that can help us and it sounds a though you do. I was about the same age as you are when I lost my father to lung cancer. All I can off are my prayers and tell you it will get easier...you just have to take it one day at a time. I do beleive your daughter will be a great source of comfort for you and while difficult I know she will understand in her own way and time that grandma is in a better place.
Prayer and Hugs Connie
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Prayers
Sept 3, 2004 7:33:53 GMT -5
Post by meghans_mom on Sept 3, 2004 7:33:53 GMT -5
I am so sorry to hear you all are going thru this right now. my mom has cancer as well - and i know partly how you are feeling.
first - prayers and good thoughts for all of you!
second - you are NOT a bad mom if you have to send Taby to stay w/ friends for awhile. It will probably be easier on all of you if you can do it...!
I wonder about many of the same things you do. the prognosis for my mom is really unknown - so we don't know whats going to happen....but i worry so much. She and Meghan are so close and have a special relationship - it kills me inside to think what will happen if my mom passes away. It's even hard for Meghan to understand right now why grandma can't play w/ her like she did before her surgery....
If you talk about your mom to Taby, and show her pictures and share stories, she'll remember her after. take it one day at a time...and try and take care of yourself as well. hugs, laurie
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Prayers
Sept 3, 2004 12:21:04 GMT -5
Post by Alice on Sept 3, 2004 12:21:04 GMT -5
Prayers are sent to your family... Very sorry for you
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Prayers
Sept 3, 2004 15:20:18 GMT -5
Post by SuziF on Sept 3, 2004 15:20:18 GMT -5
I feel for you....I'm 38 & it's rough with me dad in the hospital so sick & Meri's surgery the same week. I can't imagine handling it at 21 ! I don't have the option right now of sitters with her still recovering but it it were possible it would sure sound good! I know I can't wait for the DH to be home this weekend so I can go take care of stuff at the hospital & just to get some groceries in the house as he stopped for just the bare necessaties on his way home one night this week.
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Prayers
Sept 3, 2004 16:21:29 GMT -5
Post by MB on Sept 3, 2004 16:21:29 GMT -5
When I was growing up, Moms went to the hospital for 10 days when they had their babies. I have 5 younger siblings so my Mom left me 5 different times for 10 days. I honestly do not remember any of it.
Your daughter will be fine with your friend. You might consider talking to someone who can help you through this very difficult time. Regular counseling would be very helpful. Your church or the local cancer society can probably find someone for you at no charge. I can't imagine taking on both of these situations at your age without regular support.
Good luck and God bless.
MB
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Prayers
Sept 3, 2004 16:51:11 GMT -5
Post by updowns on Sept 3, 2004 16:51:11 GMT -5
Hugs to you. I am so sorry for what you are going through.
No you are NOT a bad Mom, it would probably be good for Taby and for you if your friend could take her for a while.
Thoughts and prayers are with you.
Stella
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Prayers
Sept 3, 2004 19:45:19 GMT -5
Post by shellk on Sept 3, 2004 19:45:19 GMT -5
:'(First off I am sending you the biggest hug in the world !!!!!!
Second I am going to say to you that in no way shape or form would having Taby stay with a friends for a week or so , make you a bad mother..Not at all... I still have my mother but my grandmother lived in TN when Kourtney was born and when she was like my mother, just my life. And I lost her 2 days after Kourtney had open heart surgery, I couldn't even go to the funeral becase the baby was in SICU in FL...Honey I am sending all the positive thoughts and energy and prayers to you and little Taby and your Mother..
Hugs to you sweetie !!!
Michele
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Prayers
Sept 3, 2004 20:04:57 GMT -5
Post by Debbie on Sept 3, 2004 20:04:57 GMT -5
Taby's Mom,
I think that is very normal to have a friend to take care of your daughter. You do need some time for yourself and to find the strength to do the things you are facing right now. You are not a bad mom. I suppose mother's would feel that way anyway. That is normal too!
I am not a parent but an adult who has Down syndrome. I lost my grandmother's several years ago. It was a very hard time for me. I helped take care of them. They passed away in just a few months from each other. It is never hard to lose someone you love. Your daugther is so young and she will have a hard time yes, but, later she will have you to help her. I can't begin to understand because you are so young yourself! Hang in there. You will make it! Allow yourself to take care of yourself and your feeling's. I have seen what my mother had to do and she was still grieving but she kept on somehow. You can too! If you take care of yourself and allow yourself to grieve you can help those around you and yes your daughter as well.
You will be in my prayer's, Debbie
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Prayers
Sept 3, 2004 20:10:08 GMT -5
Post by Chris on Sept 3, 2004 20:10:08 GMT -5
I'm so sorry to hear about your mom. I wish I could give you a real hug.
Even if Taby forgets her grandma, the love your mom gave her will be with her forever. Don't try to do this alone and allow others to help you. I will pray for all of you.
Chris
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Prayers
Sept 3, 2004 20:34:22 GMT -5
Post by christie on Sept 3, 2004 20:34:22 GMT -5
Ohhhhhh I am sooooooo sorry to hear this news about your Mom MEGA HUGS going out to you and your Mom from New Jersey. Bad Mom?? NOOOOOOO way girl, you sound like a GREAT Mom and Daughter dealing with way more then any young person should have to Any chance your local hospital has a support group for ones that have family members dealing with Cancer?? Reach out to others girl, I am sure there are many that are there for you, they just may need you to ask. Vent here anytime, I know for me shareing things and getting feelings out is a great help for me. We are here to listen if you want One day at a time girl, is all one can do. Many Blessings CC ~
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Prayers
Sept 3, 2004 20:34:27 GMT -5
Post by Cbean on Sept 3, 2004 20:34:27 GMT -5
Sending my prayers your way with a big bear hug! I lost my Mom when I was 20, but no matter what age, your never to old to loose your Mom. I think letting your daughter go to your friend's home for the week is the best thing for you to do for the both of you. I remember all the details etc... You will be able to get the things you need to get done in peace and she won't be around to witness the stress you're going through. I remember shortly after my son was born my Gram started to deteriorate. She was old, but we were so close. I always felt bad that I couldn't do more for her, but my son was just a baby at the time and I needed to tend to him as well. I remember the days where everything seemed like such a chore...like getting out of bed for one! If you give your daughter the week off, I'm sure you'll feel better that you'll be able to give your Mom 100%.
Remember that life goes on...you'll see that every morning in your daughter's bright, shiny eyes. Don't worry, she'll never forget your Mom - you won't let that happen. My Mom was gone long before my son was born and he's very well aware that he has a Grandma in heaven that watches over him. With the help of pictures he knows what she looks like. When our cat died, I explained that he went to heaven and my son replied "to be with Grandma?" They get it, with our help.
Hugs and prayers for the strength you need now.
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Prayers
Sept 3, 2004 20:35:30 GMT -5
Post by Debi on Sept 3, 2004 20:35:30 GMT -5
Prayers and good thoughts going up to you... as others have said the love Taby and your Mom have for each other is something that cannot perish. Please try and hold this time as much as you can for you and your Mom. Nooooooo you are NOT a bad Mom if you want Taby to stay for a while at a friend's house ; as a matter of fact I say JUMP for it. This is a lot to juggle and you will be able to be more "present " to Taby if you can spend some time just focused on what you need to do for now. And if you need ANYTHNG , remember I am only 30 minutes away!!
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Prayers
Sept 3, 2004 22:30:55 GMT -5
Post by snickers71801 on Sept 3, 2004 22:30:55 GMT -5
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Prayers
Sept 3, 2004 22:47:19 GMT -5
Post by Staci on Sept 3, 2004 22:47:19 GMT -5
Big hugs to you. I think it's awesome that you have such a great friend that you trust with your daughter! I'm so sorry about your mom...I can't even imagine what you must be going through. I will keep her in my thoughts and prayers. Take care and we're all here if you need us! Hugs, Staci
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