Just wondering here....

[CC]

My g/f and I were chatting bout this today and I have read its bout 50/50 on having a child with "special needs" can either make it better or sadly destroy a relationship


Just wondering for any here that want to answer how true the % is I have read about.

For us I can honestly say "Made it Better"

Hmm not sure Better is the right word, maybe closer, but I think you know what I mean

CC ~

[Emilysmom]

Absolutely, without a shadow of a doubt, made our relationship better!! And, I'm not even sure I can express WHY that is............but I know it's so!!

Susan

[Connie]

I have to agree with Susan but I think it made us a better couple because he has made us better people...

Collin has changed so much about me. Before him I was one that looked at families like our own and pitied them, could not have ever imagined going through something like "THAT". Now I can't imagine "NOT" going through this!!!

Connie

[momofrussell]

Hmm.. I haven't voted yet because I had to think about this. I don't know if having RUSSELL made our marriage better or stronger persay. Kevin and I have always had a WONDERFUL marriage and we are better today because we have a great family unit and 3 kids and we just have a great marriage. I think Russell has helped us with our kids and family (immediate) be more nurturing, caring, ect... but I don't know if having a child w/spec needs made our marriage better. I probably have to say it just made our family unit better. But let me ask Kevin and get back to you LOL

A.

[Chris too]

A. - ditto. Our great marriage just keeps getting better with each passing year, and each addition to our family unit. The extra time and energy Stevie's therapies take does strain the schedule, but does no harm nor good to our relationship either as a couple or as a family.

But, I do have a cousin with a son who has cerebral palsey, and it ruined her marriage - not so great to begin with, but still. The dad left all the work to the mom, she got tired of bearing the whole load, he got tired of being nagged, she booted him out. Sad.

Chris too

[Jessie]

Huh. Verdict is still out on that one around here!! LOL

Being I'm the raggy stepmom here I think that would have been the case no matter if Jason has Ds or not. Step situations are always a little tricky. I think that having Jason has made Brian a better person overall - not that he wasn't a good person, but kind of wild and it completely tamed him to have to care about someone like he does Jason. On the other hand, because Jason is #1 with him and always will be, I kind of have to accept the fact that I will never be #1 in his book, kwim?

But, I think we are good - for now.

Modified to say: I guess the birth of Jason did do a number on Brian & his ex's marriage - but I think they fell into the category of not having a great marriage to begin with.

Jessie

[steffipoo]

Hi... me thinx if u already had a strain in your marriage beforehand a diagnosis of ds could destroy an already faltering marriage. BUT if everything was really copacetic pre-ds then it should either strengthen or enhance the marriage. Although I have seen marriages that seemed perfectly fine go down down down when there are major medical issues more so than a ds diagnosis. At least thats what I notice in the hospital. ((((HUGS))) Steff

[Betty & Ian's Mom]

There was a lot of stress when we found out about Betty having DS, that we constantly fought about the choices our genetic counslor gave us, medical issues, etc.., but we eventually worked thru it, escpecially when she was born, she brought us more closer together. DH really had the harder time with accepting her having DS than I did, but with all the reading and talking to other parents with him seemed to lesson his fears with her, which put a huge strain on our marriage. I think it would be alot different if we didn't have the prediagnosis. We surely didn't know anything about DS, all we knew was that our child to be would be delayed and medical issues where always on our minds, you know the "what if's". But today 4.5 yrs. ago, we are so glad we made the right choice and wouldn't change her for the world. I think overall, our marriage is sooooo much better than it was before or even when we got married, I wouldn't trade my DH (even though he can get under my skin sometimes LOL!!) and my precious Betty and Ian !!!

[violettesmom]

This poll is funny to me... I had sent this article to my husband a few weeks ago (a few weeks after DD was born. I sent it will a message titled "Oh, our marriage will do better..." cause of the ds (it was already quite good, so we didn't really anticipate any major bumps!)

disabledchristianity.blogspot.com/2007/07/divorce-and-children-with-downs.html

[Chris]

I wasn't sure which answer to choose since it has made our life better, more stressful and having not a lot different than having a typical child. I really don't think about how Ds has changed our lives. Most of the time I just think about how Sarah has changed our lives. She has definately made our lives richer but more complicated. I just try to count my blessings daily and thank the Lord for giving us our stubborn, sweet, opinionated, loving, challenging, grumpy and joyful little girl. ;D

Chris

[Valerie]

Well, I didn't vote, cause I am divorced now, but don't think it was because of Nicholas having DS. We'd had problems off and on for years before that, and after Nicholas was born, we had a LOT of stressful events take place. Not just him having DS and a heart defect, but also my ex was having some health problems, knee surgery, actually went legally blind for awhile. Our older son was becoming a teenager and starting to do some typical STUPID teenage stuff, our house blew up...I could go on and on.

Anyway, my point is, I don't think it was him having DS, although that may have contributed to the stress level of my ex, and he's just not good at dealing with stress.

[Renee']

I have to say it was a mix.
My husband is a Marine. He is strong, committed and loyal. He brought those to our marriage and to our children. Having Lauren has also brought added stress and challenges. She is really pushing the limits on us right now. We have always had a good foundation for our marriage and when Lauren was born we jumped into it head first and learned all we could. We have treated her just as we have our other children. We are hitting 11 years of marriage in November and I am really proud of that because today that is pretty good. We just take it one day at a time. I just tell him he is stuck with me forever no matter what...lol

[mollysmomma]

you know?? I loved my husband...but fell HEAD OVER HEELS when I got to see him in action...receiving the news about molly and loving her as her daddy....

Although we don't get alot of alone time in the summer ...it just means we have to be a little more creative in sneaking away!! and that's fun, too!!

yall ...he is THE best DAD in the world....and i find that MORE SEXY...than anything else a man could be!

George Clooney could take lessons!!

*beam*