Vanity Fair article re: Arthur Miller, son w/DS

[laurasmom]

Click here to see the page on vanityfair.com: www.vanityfair.com/fame/features/2007/09/miller200709

This was sent to me by a friend with a son that has DS. I read the article. Interesting. I thought at first, after reading the first page, the article would be upsetting. But at the end, it wasn't. Not much comment I really can make on it, except that his son ended up with people that love him, and has a good life.

Sharon

[violettesmom]

I'm glad Vanity Fair published this the way it did!

[laurasnowbird]

Thanks so much for sharing this. I printed it out for my husband to read. So sad, but not for his son. Arthur Miller comes out of this piece looking very much the tragic figure.....and his son sounds amazing. He obviously REALLY missed out, but thankfully his son has had a wonderful life in spite of his father's neglect.

The weird thing is, even if I didn't have Ethan this article would have made me feel sorry for Arthur Miller. This author did a wonderful job of conveying that his son was an incredible person who was valued by everyone he came in contact with.

[steffipoo]

whatta great eye opening article. WOW never knew that and it was quite a shock hearing he left Daniel at a week and hadn't seen him since. GUess I was more shocked at the irony of his public and personal life. I too loved the way the author focused on how well daniel is and how much he is VERY VERY loved despite his early circumstances in life. Make me feel like Nelson on the Simpsons. Heeeeeeee heeeeeeeeeeee..... me thinx as the author clearly noted that the only one to lose in this situation was Mr Miller. Liked the way the suthor wrote it too. Think I'll send them an e-mail. Thanks so much for the article. (((HUGS)))) Steff

[violettesmom]

Actually, the mother lost as well IMO.

My DH and I were talking about the difference in the 60's vs. today. I can't imagine seeing a baby like Violette and saying to DH, yup, you are right, she should be sent away. NO WAY. But I would have been a different person brought up in a different time with different attitudes.

[laurasmom]

I agree, different times, different attitudes. And of course, in the '60's we had our "pioneers" in the raising of kids with DS, Chris Burke's family comes to mind first.

I did like the emphasis on the positives of his son's life. I thought that was well done. And Arthur Miller just looked like a man with a life that wasn't totally fulfilling. I am glad the daughter, Daniel's sister, is a part of his life.

Sharon

[Renee']

Good article. It sounds like they missed out on an exceptional young man. It also made me think I need to get my rear to a bank and get a special needs trust!

[laurasmom]

reneea said:

It also made me think I need to get my rear to a bank and get a special needs trust!

Amen to that!! I need to show this to Mike. We have a couple of older relatives (older meaning 80's) that want Laura in their wills. We need to protect her now by setting up a trust.

Sharon

[Jackie]

for some reason my pc wont let me read this page...could someone try printing it out and send it to me privately.

Thanks Jackie

[Jessie]

Anyone read "Onward, Crispy Shoulder"? It's a book written by the sister of a boy with Ds. I'm almost done reading it and Brian finished it the other day. The contrast between this family and Miller's experience is completely opposite. The family in this book had noooooooo money, lived in a very remote area of Alaska, had 7 kids and didn't know or have resources to learn about Down syndrome - their child was born in 1945 I believe.

We were already impressed and amazed with this family and how they treated Jim, the oldest child that had Ds being they had no support system and no resources for therapy, etc. They were told the same thing as Arthur Miller was - put him in a home and forget about him, move on with your lives. Difference is, they took him home and treated him like they did the rest of their kids.

I think it's very sad that someone like Arthur Miller who could have afforded his son every possible therapy and advantage chose to look the other way (not to mention the love only a family can give).



Jessie

[Jackie]

ok...I still can't find the article in a readable form for me...but will chime in on the "then and now". Remember...I was born in 1946 when times were very different. When I was growing up People "whispered" about having disabled family members and often NEVER told anyone...not even family members...the baby simply "died".

Doctors often said ...do not take this child home from the hospital...it will be harder to give him up later. Society as a whole treated it as a shameful situation.

I knew several of my parents friends who did just that...placed their brand new babies in "good" situations.

When Emily was born in 1980...more than one couple in our Denver support group was told...that it might be better if they didn't take their child home. This was at a time when children with DS were still being referred often by the M word...but also the beginning of acceptance and education of those with DS.

I don't think everyone who followed this practice years ago were bad people. They were uninformed...rarely saw anyone with DS because they were pretty much "placed". They simply did what they thought society in those days expected them to do.

We have come a long way in our acceptance of disabilities in a very short time. For many it was the historic infiltration and expose of Willowbrook by Geraldo Rivera that led to the beginning of changes in attitudes and deinstitutionalization.

disabilitytraining.com/unfd.html

I know of at least one of my parents friends who got her grown daughter back in the late 70's and regretted the time she had missed with her.

Aren't we lucky our kids were born into these GOOD times.

Jackie

[steffipoo]

yes I am so grateful Olivia was born when she was. I wonder why Mr. Miller after he was educated about the various aspects of Downs syndrome did NOT even go see his son even in private if he was flipping embarassed. Its just so odd the moralist of the century was so deficient in his personal morals toward his son. See jackie I think the fact that your friends got their grown daughter back in the late 70's Mr Miller had that opportunity and I guess thats what bothers me because he didn't see him again after knowing the real facts later on in life, and the fact that he LET PEOPLE speak of him as the moralist of the century. YECH... Newfound disrespect for the man.

(((HUGS)))) Steff

have any of you seen Eva Longoria and her sister? her sister had ds and they have such a neat relationship.

[steffipoo]

wonder if we could e-mail his son and find out more about him.

[mollysmomma]

we've come a long way, babies!

THAT was the norm just a short time ago!

WOW!

[Cbean]

I always find myself thanking God for the fact that Emily was born in 2004!!!