Which way round?

[pmjc48]

I belong to another DS site and there is now a 'discussion' >:(going on about whether you should refer to a child as 'the Down syndrome boy/girl' or 'the boy/girl with Down syndrome. What do you think?

[Connie]

Pauline,

For me personally...it really doesn't matter.

But, there is a push to be politically correct and use person first language. So, the politically correct response would be boy/girl with Down Syndrome.

I think if we get too caught up in using the correct terminology we may miss out on educating someone on how special/great our kids really are by correcting them and making them feel alienated from us.

Connie

[elizabethsdad]

We are very thoughtful about this topic. I never refer to my daughter with blonde hair as my blonde headed daughter. I never refer to my child that has Celiac's disease as the celiac's child. What defines your child? Is Down syndrome what your child is?

I have four beautiful loving kids and none are defined as other than that. I know Ds is a part of my child but that in no way shape or form defines her or what she will become.

[momofrussell]

Ditto what Connie said all away around.... the PC way is the way most want us to say it if we do refer to one's disabilities... it's always "so and so WITH... " not Downs Child, etc... but personally I really don't care what you say, just so long as it isn't rude... you can be UN-PC with me just so the love is flowing from your voice when speaking of my son ;D

Oh, and not to get sidetrack and start something... because that is not my intent, but on the "defining" part.... well, for me DS IS Russell and for us it DOES define him... I mean, Russell IS who he is because of the DS and Autism.... it's really hard for me to say it doesn't define him. That said.... I DO GET what others mean when they say "it doesn't define my child".. I just don't feel the same way.

A.

[Emilysmom]

I remember when we had this discussion several years ago. And one thing that was said (Maybe by Cindy??) was that using "people first" language is what is done normally..................She said that people don't look at someone with cancer and refer to them as "CANCER MAN". We would more likely say "the man with cancer". All of us are people, who happen to have this or that.........red hair, short stature, Down syndrome, Autism, etc.

While I agree with using "people first" language, I would not correct someone who did not use it. If someone referred to Emily as the "Down's girl", I would not be offended and would not correct them...............BUT, I would just casually say "yes, Emily has Down syndrome". You can teach all sorts of things without being direct about it to the point of coming across as having a chip on your shoulder about your child's diagnosis.

Jordan recently went to Boy Scout camp for a week. While at camp, the boys are able to earn 3 merit badges.......and it's a big deal for them to select classes to work on badges that mean something to them. (I guess it makes the hours spent working on it a lot easier if the classes are meaningful too.) One class Jordan took was called "Disability Awareness". SILLY ME............................I honestly thought to myself when he selected that class "wonder why he chose this class??? He already knows all about disabilities"?? This was his favorite class! And he said he learned SO much. This class was taught by a high school boy; an older scout. And Jordan said the very first lesson the teacher went over was "people first" language. Jordan said he realized that we ALWAYS use "child with Down syndrome", but he never really knew WHY until he took this class. Now, before he can actually get the merit badge, he has to teach a class to a group of Cub Scouts about disability awareness.

Maybe I'm naive.........but this just seems like another one of those times when we should model appropriate language, in the hopes that one day it will just come naturally to most people.

Susan

[Googsmom aka Jennifer]

Brookster is just that, Brookster Another one of the little people running around my house causing mischeif She just happens to have Ds Mary just happens to have ADHD. My neice just happens to be smart as a whip!! Mommy just happens to love them all the same

[Kristin]

When Clarice was born, I didn't think much of it. As she has gotten older, I have adopted the person first and actually bristle a bit when someone refers to her or their own child as a Down's child as if the syndrome owns them. I like the person first reminder, and think we should model it for others and feel free to quietly correct and enlighten them.
I've even had doctors, upon first meeting my daughter, pause and wait for me to mention her syndrome. I don't usually unless the doctor asks or I know it is related to why we are there.

[laurasmom]

I hadn't given this much thought, until we moved to an area that is not very open to people with disabilities. And I have become more aware of wording, and the meaning and impressions given by the wording. And as a family, we all use something like "a teen with Down Syndrome".

I do believe in the power of words. I also agree with something Brian Skotko told the siblings at NDSC a couple of years ago, something about the siblings can teach the world how to treat their brother/sister with DS by the way they themselves treat them.

I agree with what Susan said about modeling appropriate language. If we allow our kids to be defined as the DS kid, then so will the world. It might just be small steps, but any step forward is positive in my mind.

Sharon

[danikins]

For some reason, I cringe when I hear someone's story about "Down's babies or Down's kids". I love the stories but I don't like the use of "Down's" to personaize my daughter. Dani goes to an awesome daycare who includes her in everything. I wrote a synopsis about Dani. And one sentence, I did include, is my daughter is not a "Down's child"--she is my precious love who happens to have Down Sydrome. I never correct anyone and remain positive, but I do usually step in when people misuse the "R" word. I am very guilty of misusing words too and seem to be more careful of my wording since haveing Dani. This is just my opinion.
Best to all

[ALLISA]

I agree with the bulk of the people here.....I myslef would say I have a child with DS.....but wouldn't really be offended if they called her a Downs child.....I hear it all the time....

I belong to other parent boards ( one for Austism and one for Diabtes).....and it is the same there....some get VERY upset when their child is called Diabetic ....or Autistic......

I asked Ty if he cared if someone called him Diabetic....he said " why would I care ? I am diabetic"....LOL Gotta love kids !!

I'm also with A.....Erin's disablitly DOES define her....but more so the Autism than the DS....but I look at PLENTY of kids with DS....and they are NOT defined by it

[kellyds]

In the delivery room, my doctor took a look at Joshua and said, "Folks, it looks like we might have an extra chromosome here". My mom said, "What's that?" To clarify for her, I said to the doctor, "You mean he's a Down's baby, don't you?" THAT VERY SECOND it sounded WRONG to me. There is something about actually have a child with Down syndrome that immediately sensitizes you to those kinds of things, I think.

I also am a "word person" . . . and "Down syndrome child" is grammatically incorrect.

I do cringe when I hear "Downs kid" or "My cousin is Down syndrome", but I don't get upset with the person who is saying it because I know they are using that term in all innocence and don't mean to offend. I very rarely say anything, unless it's someone I know extremely well.

I did say something during the incident mentioned in the following thread, because it was going to be in print:

unomas.proboards10.com/index.cgi?board=DS&action=display&thread=8982

[Jackie]

I agree with Kristin...I bristle when people say Down's child. I was taught 'people first' from the git go and frankly...don't really see the need to qualify Em in terms of having DS when talking to most people. I think to say she is my youngest daughter or my fourth child says it quite nicely.

I have a friend who has a son Ems age...and she always says..."he's a ...Down"... ;D

[kellyds]

That one really irritates me, and I don't understand how a parent can say, "He's a Down."

Guess we all have things that tweak us and things that don't.

[Chris too]

Waiting for Debbie to chime in.