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Post by TriciaF on Jul 6, 2004 22:18:37 GMT -5
My heart goes out to you......I have been there....changing the locks...the girlfriend...etc. Reach out for all the support you can get for yourself and your little ones. Try and be very, very kind to yourself. If you ever doubt you are loved or worthy of being loved....look at those little faces and know that nothing will ever replace the mother/child love....its as close to heaven as you will find. Look at that wonderful lady in the mirror and love her lots......life will get better....you will get through this.....
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Post by kimclmnt on Jul 7, 2004 8:48:45 GMT -5
Thanks for all of your wonderful advise. Unfortunately I have been thru this same thing before. I am dummed to be in a good relationship and it all go bad so quick. I am not leaving the house. He is suppose to come get more things on Sat. so he can move to an apartment but I think I am going to get me a dog and leave it inside and put him a few things outside and leave. I have already spoke to an attorney, I go to another today that will be doing my divorce. I have already done evrything to protect me and my kids. I have changed my bank acct. and taking 1/2 of our money out of savings. I am not going to get screwed like the first time. I will keep you all posted.
Rickismom, I am sorry I haven't replied to your wonderful email. I am plannning to do so I am just trying to get a few things done and have been real busy. I will though. Thanks for the email!
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Post by rickismom on Jul 7, 2004 15:33:09 GMT -5
I am almost crying reading all these stories--- so many of us have/had problems.  Gee, wouldn't it be nice if life was simple? I say to my friends-: having (thank G-d normal ;D) teenagers (who can sometimes do the wackiest stupid things  ) was class 101 in the subject of "trust G-d". Rickis birth was class 202.  DH (without the details, sorry- )(now everything is please G-d OK) WAS 303 and 304 I hope I learned the lesson well enough to stop these studies,  but somehow I keep forgetting and start thinking that if I try hard enough, I'll manage to make everything perfect.... Kim, if you're too busy (LOL of course not!) you needn't answer- I am pleased if what I wrote was a help, that's enough for me.... |
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Post by Alice on Jul 8, 2004 9:51:27 GMT -5
Dear Kim, I am so sorry for you. If my DH acts this way, it would tear me apart. Fortunately, after we had known that Luke was having DS, we became even closer. But my best friend's husband lost any interest to their daughter whey they had found out that she is Mentally Retarded (not DS some other thing). He had lots of an affairs and lived his own life. Now there daughter is 22 y/old, my friend's husband is still with her but he is an alcoholic, and my dear friend needs to work very hard and very long hours to get money for the family. I am very sorry for her... I think that some men are not strong enough to cope with problems. I am so sorry for you and your children that you have to go thru (I had divorce myself too with some other chicken), but may be it is for better. You do not need that person around you. (His girlfriend is not smart at all to take him...). He had a hard test, but he did not pass it. I wish you the best, be smart (with divorce procedures) and strong (you are needed for your children). Hugs to you and prayers are sent on your way, Alice P.S. I am not sure if the divorce can be completed before baby is born.  |
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Post by kimclmnt on Jul 8, 2004 18:34:03 GMT -5
I just got back from the Lawyers office and got him all paid and was trying to get into see the Judge today or in the morning. We should be going to court in 10 days. No I can not get a divorce before the baby is born but I don't want one before then anyway. I want them to feel that because I am pregnant and don't work he has to maintain all bills include the house we are in. We are going for Temp. orders for now. I have been very smart in this divorce, I am taking him for everything! Mess with me and my kids and I am not going to be nice. The sad thing is he is a good guy just needs some help and anti deppressants. He has not dealt with his parents death years ago and now his only child as of now has DS, poor guy can't we all feel sorry for him? LOL!!!! |
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Post by shellk on Jul 9, 2004 20:18:29 GMT -5
:DYOU GO GIRL !!!! Clean him out !! I am so glad to hear that ..I have been checking this post everyday to check on you..Ya right I feel nothing but pitty for him LOL Ya know some men just refuse to think that they need any type of help, be it counciling, or what not..What is it that they ae so stubborn and full of pride..Lots of them hide thier emotions. When Kourtney was born her dad and I were only boyfriend and girlfirend and he left the hospital that night and I thought he would never come back...I cried all night till they came in with some little pills to knock me out..Then, the next morning I call our apartment and he did not answer and I flipped I thought for sure he was gone...He showed up with new clothes for me and lots of smellies for the shower and told me that he had to relcean the apartment because he spent his night throwing clothes all over the place crying trying to figure out what to do or should I say how to cope with what we were just dealt..He has not cried about it since and she annoys the crud out of us at times but , he said he thinks she was given to him to teach him unconditonal love something he said that his mother never gave to him nor his father... Sometimes he is sooooo deep.....But, he is really rather shallow LOL.. Best of luck to you lady....Keep that head held high and walk tall and proud.. Still sending that positive energy your way. |
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Post by kimclmnt on Jul 9, 2004 21:05:24 GMT -5
Just a quick update, He is suppose to be served tonight at work and we have a court hearing on Tues. the 20th. Moving fast, but I am in control not him! ;D I am sure everyone at his work thinks I am so terrible but if they only knew!
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Post by ALLISA on Jul 9, 2004 21:51:02 GMT -5
Kim,
I definitely feel for you and agree with most everyone else...having a child with DS can strain a marriage, but if you had good foundations... you should make it through okay. I did not have the good foundation !
My husband & I just divorced this year. We have 3 kids and it itsn't easy being a single mom with a special needs child & a child with medical issues.... but for me, I am happier in my own skin than I have been in a loooonnngggg time and that is somthing I can't even describe !
Our marrige was bad from the begininning, but I just thought "well, no one is perfect" and chose to overlook a lot. After he moved out I realized just how unhappy I had been all those years and how much more relaxed and at ease I am without him here.
You are moving fast & in control.... I was muucchhhh slower and probably didn't fight as dirty as I could have, but I have the house and the kids don't need to leave the neigborhood or school system & that was really important to me. Unless you both had a great deal of money prior to the breakup and you think alimony is going to hold you afloat, I would get used to the idea of working. I recieve half my ex's paycheck for child support, but I need to work to make ends meet. His usggestion is of course that I should sell the house (wich is now all mine ;D) and live off the equity... but where is the smarts in that ?
Best of luck to you... it does stink how they just walk away and don't even think about it... my ex could definitely use some therapy... but that will never happen !
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Post by christie on Jul 9, 2004 22:37:14 GMT -5
HUGS to you girl, this is lots to be going on and I am sending you many positive thougths from New Jersey.
Now this may not be a good time to say this but I will risk it and maybe you can just keep it in the back of your mind
I myself am from a family of divorced parents, I was 9 to be exact when they divorced  One thing my parents did, that I am sooooo soooo thankful for is even thou they no longer got along and went there separate ways, they never ever said a BAD word to us kids about the other  and actually funny as this may sound, once they divorced they became GREAT friends Which was a PLUS for us kids ;D
And I just wanted to add that I use to work for attorneys for over 10 years and one of my bosses did lots of divorces. I know you need one and its GOOD you have one but please just remember sometimes they can make things worse between the two parties involved  I have seen it over and over
I have never been in your shoes girl, so you just might want to forget all that I have written, I just wanted to share yes protect yourself and the kids, that is the first and foremost thing to do. But remember anger and hate only hurt ourselves more then the one we are angry and hate. Just another way to look at things
CC
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Post by coopersmoma on Jul 9, 2004 23:25:49 GMT -5
Kim,
I found out while I was pregnant that my unborn baby had DS. My DH decided to start using drugs to "cope" with what he says was pain and dealing with the issue of his child having DS. I stayed married to the jerk until my baby was 2 months old. I kicked him out of my house 2 days before my baby had open heart surgery. Our marriage wasn't too stable before I got pregnant but it was even worse after we found out Cooper had DS. I couldn't depend on him for anything. After Cooper was born we were in the NICU for 10 days and I was the one who was with the baby everyday not him. When we came home, I had a C section by the way, I had to do all the cleaning, cooking and take care of my newborn baby. I know that our marriage wasn't great before, but I think Cooper having DS had a lot to do with him seeking other ways to get out. I am praying for you and your kids. Hope everything goes well for you.
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Post by Sherri on Jul 10, 2004 19:26:35 GMT -5
Kim,
I don't have any words of wisdom to add to what has already been said.......just really wanted to send you tons of ((hugs)) & wish you all the best!!!
Take care!!
Sherri
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Post by snickers71801 on Jul 11, 2004 7:31:40 GMT -5
If he ever regrets having her, then it is time for him to go. I am a single mother, with no help from the father. He has seen Taby 3 times since she was 10 months old and she will be 3 in one week. I dont get child support or anything. It can be done. My parents have helped me out tremendously, and could not have done it without them. But if your husband is having problems coping with your daughter because she has ds, he is no one that I would want to be with. I am going to school full time and working full time. It is a very busy schedule, but it makes the time that my daughter and i spend together very very special. She is how i make it through everyday. Just knowing that she loves me no matter is enough for me to go on. I am dating a great guy now that is great with my daughter and loves her very much. He has a daughter of his own and she is quite a bit older, but they just adore each other. Almost like they grew up together. She is still mommy's baby, but she has really grown attatched to the new guy in my life. She does not know who her real father is and that is by his choice. I get so angry at him when I think that he more or less just walked away from his own flesh and blood, but I have made the most of it. I keep thinking though, look at all the stuff you missed out on and I got to share with her. That is stuff you will never get back. And someday if they wake up and decide that they want to be part of their child's life, the child is not going to know who they are and my daughter does not like strangers just coming up to her and trying to hug her or anything like that. But just remember what you have and he doesn't. You can do it on your own and dont let him think or tell you that you can. You are a very strong person and will get through it. If you every need anyone to talk to just e-mail me. I would love to talk to you if you ever need to talk. I wish you all the luck and let us know what happens. I will be there for you if you need me and will do all that I can to help you.
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Post by Alice on Jul 11, 2004 9:16:09 GMT -5
CC,
You are so right about everything and especially about attorneys and I think Kim should use your advice to be very careful with them.
I've heart lots of stories that people wanted to divide their properties between them and finally they had to sell the property to pay to attorneys.
BTW, I like that idea to be a "good friend" with former spouse, but I just cannot see how to people who could not get along during their marriage can be agree on something after it. My ex-husband and I be good friends?! It is just impossible. Unfortunately, because it would benefit our children. But every family and every divorce is different.
Alice
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Post by Kristen on Jul 12, 2004 11:11:04 GMT -5
I have been absent for a awhile, but I am so sorry to hear all of this and had to post! What an ass! talk about using any excuse...Usign the excuse of a special needs child to get a GIRLFRIEND is rediculous and inexcusable. We all had (and some days still have) our grief, but come on! That shows poor character IMO.
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Post by rickismom on Jul 12, 2004 11:28:17 GMT -5
I raised two daughters from my husband's previous marriage- and I can't imagine "staying friends" with an ex. But certainly not to argue with them in front of the kids, and not to bad- mouth the ex in front of the kids- for THEIR sake!
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) was class 101 in the subject of "trust G-d". 
One thing my parents did, that I am sooooo soooo thankful for is even thou they no longer got along and went there separate ways, they never ever said a BAD word to us kids about the other 
and actually funny as this may sound, once they divorced they became GREAT friends 
I have seen it over and over 
