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Post by Ashlea on Jul 16, 2004 16:43:41 GMT -5
I'm at my wits end with Chandler. His behavior has been getting worse and worse over the past 2 years. At first, we thought it was just ADHD or impulsivness. He is currently taking Strattera for his ADHD. Last year was his first year of kindergarten (but he has always been in an inclusive, structured setting). The children in his class are afraid of him, don't play with him although the teacher does try to encourage it. One minute he is playing, sweet, loving, the next he is kicking, pulling chunks of hair out, spitting, knocking over the bookselves and screaming as loud as he can. This is a DAILY occurance, to the point that they call me or my husband almost everyday and they have even told us to just come get him from school. We have seen a behavior therapist & psychologist with no improvement. We are on a waiting list for a team of psychologists to evaluate him. He has been at the YMCA summer program, but can't seem to get along with anyone there either. He is to the point that the YMCA has threatened to kick him out. He hurts me, his friends, cousins, grandparent, the dog, the cat and just last weekend he bit his own arm so hard that it left a bruise. Last weekend was HORRIBLE so needless to say, I'm not looking forward to this weekend either. He's with my parents today and so far he's run away from them several times at Wal-Mart, bit my dad and squeezed the yorkie almost to death. He is only 5 (6 in August) and this really, really worries me. There is no trigger for this behavior and no punishment seems to make a difference. He is potty trained and has been for almost a good year, but last weekend he smeared poop all over his carpet, himself, & the walls 6 times.... Any suggestions, words of wisdom, anything that might help? Do other kids act like this? He is an only child and with this behavior I'm afraid of what he might do to a baby brother or sister.
Everyone keeps telling me that DS kids are either really sweet or really mean. I know it's just a stereotype, but man I'm beginning to wonder.
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Post by chris on Jul 16, 2004 17:34:03 GMT -5
hi Ashlea,
I really feel for you and Chandler,and its so sad that Chandler behaviour is getting worse instead of better obviously the medicine is not helping in that respect I would go back to the doctor.
I dont know but does Chandler have communication problems(I know all our kids do,to some extent)but is chanler able to communicate with the people he is involved with eg. sign....... because if he is not able to communicate then of course he would be frustrated,that was my first thought when I read your letter secondly I would be questioning the behaviour therapist ect if they are not helping Chanler then for Chandler sake I would see someone else how can because your little boy is suffering.this is not his fault I am quite sure he is not doing this on purpose and I am surprised at the school sending a 5 year old back home, I sure that is not helping Chandler and if the school had his intrest at heart they would not want to send him home early everyday....why send him at all if that is their attitude.
It just boils my blood thinking of it . anyway Ashlea I do hope you get the right help for Chandlers sake and of course yourselfs PLEASE let us know how he is doing give him love and kisses.chris
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Post by Debi on Jul 16, 2004 19:28:52 GMT -5
Ashlea I hope you can find some answers for your Chandler soon. Behavior issues are so very stressful and they can get in the way of learning.
Just like Chris I would look at his meds and see if that is a component. There can be all kinds of reasons why some meds don't work for one individual or another or sometimes they lose their effectiveness so I think I'd start there.
I agree with Chris about trying to see if language delays are also playing a part.
There are lots of people who do behavorial analysis and quite frankly some are LOTS better than others so it may be that you will have to keep searching for someone who really knows how to create and put a positive behavioral plan in place.
Personally I do NOT think the school should be calling you and having you take Chandler out of school..that is their job and they should be working much harder on putting a positive behavior plan together for him ;one that can be worked on at school and home.
Mostly I send you lots of hugs ;it's a long road but you are definitely facing the issues. Sometimes it's helpful to pick one behavior and really work on that.
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Post by Deannalee on Jul 16, 2004 21:25:01 GMT -5
I just wanted to let you know that my "normal" 4 year old has very similar behaviors. He hits me, punches me, bangs his head, yells "I hate you", kicks the dog or tries to run over him with a scooter or bike. I am afraid he will be the next serial killer. He has a behavioral therapist and says he doesn't need meds....I think he does. He REFUSES to potty train also. I have been begging for help since he was 1 1/2 yrs old. I am also at my wits end. She thinks he is mimicking some behaviors he has seen from me getting knocked around. I think it is more than that. If you find anything out, please share your words of wisdom. I will be thinking of you.
Deanna
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Post by christie on Jul 16, 2004 21:37:04 GMT -5
Awwww girl HUGS to you. I AGREE with Both Chris and Debi and my only suggestion would be call the DOC and see maybe some of this is a reaction from the meds??? I would also call an IEP and get a Behavior Plan in place for the fall, nooo way sending Chandler home from school is the answer. They truly need to have a plan in place for Chandler or in my opinion all they are doing is setting him up to fail  Communication is a biggy for frustrations OMG I know that for sure, lived that, been there, BUT from all you have posted I really feel in my gut there is much more going on then just lack of communication. Could very well be a big piece but Hmmm sounds like it could be more going on then just that. Just curious girl, if you don't mind me asking, did you Chandler have these kinds of behaviors before he started the meds for ADHD?? HANG in there girl and I TOATALLY agree with Chris, Chandler is not purposely doing these things, there is a reason. Now if it were only sooo easy to find the answers  CC  |
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Post by laurasnowbird on Jul 16, 2004 22:46:56 GMT -5
Ashlea,
Wow, I really don't have much to offer except my sympathy and a listening ear. I'm inclined to agree with CC that it's probably more than just frustration over the inability to communicate. I think you are taking the right steps if you have had evaluations done, and are going to get him seen by a team. In the meantime though, it must be really hard.
I don't know what it would be called where you live, but here we have Community Mental Health, which is our county mental health department. They would probably have some resources you might be able to access. I'm really at a loss. I hope that things get better for you and Chandler soon!
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Post by victday on Jul 17, 2004 8:02:01 GMT -5
I suggest that the very first step is to see how he does without the Straterra. Maybe another medication or no medication might be a replacement for it. There is always the possibility with young children that medications are causing or aggravating a behavior problem.
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Post by momofrussell on Jul 17, 2004 10:25:37 GMT -5
In regards to maybe it being the meds, I can attest that it happened to my 11 yr old daughter (non-ds). She is DX'd with ADD and is very impulsive and RUDE.. and some of the meds made it UNBERABLE, to the point we were afraid for our safety and hers this last year. I definately would be talking with whomever perscribed the meds to your son and maybe do some internet research. One med may be good for one child, but not another.
Also, how well does your son speak? I might assume from your post that maybe Chandler is doing some of this to communicate his needs, wants and frusterations in HIS way, which does't mean it's appropriate. (I also may be way off base too LOL) My son Russell (ds) is 6.4 yrs old and doesn't speak at all nor does he communicate well, hardly at all, so we have TONS of fits and throaty yelling and adverse behaviors around here, because he can't speak. So, I'd agree with CC and say call an IEP meeting! We just had Russell's IEP/Transistion meeting and we already discussed Russell's non-verbal behaviors and I insisted it be corrected in the classroom and put in the IEP if needed. Those teachers should NOT call you every time there is a prob.. they should be assesing the prob and re-directing and such... does your son have an Aide? Maybe Chandler needs an aide... and/or someone to observe the class for a while to see just why and when the behaviors are happening. It sounds like the teachers are passing it back to you and your husband to handle instead of doing what their job is... kids without DS can act JUST the same... and they should know that.
Take care.. BIG HUGS and hang in there!!!
A.
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Post by rickismom on Jul 17, 2004 15:18:48 GMT -5
I agree very much with all of the above: it might be meds, and communication may take a part. BUT- first and formost (as well as maybe stopping or switching meds), get a behavior program going. Ricki acts terrible sometimes, especially if she sees that she can get a reaction (negative attention) from me.
Gee, I really feel for you- SO frustrating! Hope things get better PRONTO!!!!
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Post by Ashlea on Jul 18, 2004 1:12:43 GMT -5
Hello all, this is Chandler's dad, Gonzalo- First, I would like to thank you all for the kind words. I believe we are going through a rough spot, and my wife (Ashlea) has borne the brunt of all the chaos of Channy's behavior. She needs a break, and a medal for being a model A, Super MOM!!! Babygirl, I am SO PROUD of YOU!!!!!  For the record, he speaks his mind very well, and we are looking into specialized behavioral programs...wish us luck! He is a wonderful child, and as an adult with ADHD, I can so see where he gets it from, and why he acts out like he does. I will make an effort to lighten Ash's load, as we try to share Chandler equally... and any ideas or suggestions would be very welcome. Thank you all, you have a wonderful site, with wonderful children and stories...God Bless you all! We'll keep y'all posted! Gonzalo- Chandler's Dad. |
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Post by momofrussell on Jul 18, 2004 10:04:41 GMT -5
Well hello there Gonzalo! What a great husband and father you are to give mommy a much needed break and come post here to update us! Kudos! I hope the programs you are looking into will help Chandler out! I pray you find some answers. Sounds like Chandler has two loving parents that will do anything for him and get what he needs! You two obviously know what is best for him and that is great! I can empathize and sympathize because we go through some of what you are going through with our oldest 11 yr old daughter (non-DS) who has ADD/ODD. I have YET to find a "niche" for us yet... I keep plugging along.. and take breaks when needed! Don't forget to breathe yourself! Take care! A. |
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Post by chris on Jul 18, 2004 13:25:46 GMT -5
hello to chandlers family,
It was good of you to enlighten us a bit more on Chandler and I am so glad to hear that Chandler can communicate you are so fortunate that he can as I know that kids with d.s who are unable to communicate can get very frustrated but that is not soin Chandlers case,as I have already said I would still speak to all those concerned with chandler - doc,schools etc..and as you have said you are going to see a behavioural specialist and I sincerely hope you get all there help.
Now I was wandering is there anyone there who can ease the burden of ashlea(apart from yourself)as I am sure there must be some sort of social works dept who can step in for even 2hours every other day and take Chandler out to give your wife a break (this should be free)maybe someone might have better information on this then I do,but it might be worth your while looking into this and I am sure both of you could do with something like this. take care and love to Chandler.
chris.
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Post by YoshsMom on Jul 18, 2004 14:26:14 GMT -5
I used to use deep pressure massage with my students who had similar sounding outbursts.
It worked especially well with kids who had outbursts with no visible trigger.
I would wrap the child in a big soft towel or blanket with arms at the sides and give firm massage to the arms back and shoulders. I would talk softly about wanting them to be safe, about not hurting themselves or others, about loving them but not liking when they hurt peple or themselves.
Another technique which worked well was to make a safe place for getting rid of all that excess energy. I made a corner with big soft pillows, bean bag chairs, a punching clown and old magazines and newspapers to rip up. At the first sign of trouble I would send the child there to beat up on stuff he couldn't hurt. When he had calmed down, he could rejoin the group and there were no consequences for needing to "go off".
Ashlea, lots of other kids act like this and its very often a biochemical imbalance. There are a lot of medications out there for ADHD and acting out. If Strattera isn't doing the job, maybe something else will. Good luck.
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Post by Sherri on Jul 18, 2004 16:42:37 GMT -5
Gonzalo & Ashlea,
I don't have any words of wisdom to add to what has already been posted. I just wanted to say that I wish you all the best in finding the answers to help deal with Chandler's behavior.
Take care,
((Hugs))
Sherri
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Post by Danielle on Jul 19, 2004 9:09:43 GMT -5
Ditto from me to Chandler's family (and what an impressive family you seem to be!) -- I have no experience or words of wisdom but it sounds like getting a different, more effective behavior program in place is the right direction to go in. Yosh-s mom gave some wonderful ideas, too....and of course the medication is also something that very well may be doing more harm than good, so a visit to the Doc is a great first step, as well. Hope you find what's best for Chandler SOON.....hang in there!!
Danielle
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