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Post by Alice on Sept 13, 2004 14:30:31 GMT -5
This morning I had a chance to watch "Today" show and there was a topic about pregnancy test on DS. They show one family with 3 kids and the other is on the way. The mother is pregnant for 5 time, but her 4 pregnancy she terminated due to DS diagnosis. She said that she decided not to have this baby in name of love and so on (she did not want to have a baby with problems and so on...). Than they showed another woman with a precious little boy (probably age of 2) with beautiful eyes, red hair, and wonderful smile as all our children with DS have. That woman said that she did not have any thoughts that she can terminate the pregnancy due to DS and she is so happy to have this wonderful human being with her. That was very interesting to see two different women with two opposite decisions.
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Post by Mary_L. on Sept 13, 2004 15:57:46 GMT -5
I didn't see the show but I was just involved in a conversation about it on a stay at home parents board. I just couldn't believe some of the things people were saying~such as they would terminate if they found out about Ds because their other children would suffer or they wouldn't financially be able to handle it. I had to chime in with my 2 cents. I wish I had seen the show because it would have been interesting to hear both sides.
Mary
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Post by Renee' on Sept 13, 2004 18:27:26 GMT -5
I wish I could have seen it...
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Post by christie on Sept 13, 2004 18:50:14 GMT -5
Hmmmm ALICE, just wondering what was the point of the show?? Was it because of some new test or something?? In the past when ever the topic of aborting comes up I have said and I still say, I am Pro Choice BUT lately I have been wondering Hmmmm When people get upset that one with DS is aborted are they just as upset if they hear a baby with any disability is aborted or just DS Just wondering out loud here CC ~
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Post by Mary_L. on Sept 14, 2004 6:12:06 GMT -5
CC~I know I get upset when I hear that any baby was aborted because it's parents found out that it wasn't "perfect". It obviously just hits closer to home when it's Ds and I can particitpate in the dicussion confident that I know what I am talking about when it comes to raising a child with Ds.
Mary
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Post by Jackie on Sept 14, 2004 9:16:54 GMT -5
I think many people....fear....what they dont understand.....I am sure many of us have looked at kids with far more devistating disabilities than our kids with DS and privately thought to ourselves..."not sure I could deal with that".....I KNOW I have. I remember years ago .....when starting my work career.....I was an OT in a former life.....when someone asked me what area I wanted to go into ...saying...."Well just about any area but Mental Retardation....I could never really deal with that"....LOL....Those words certainly came back to haunt me years later....and I feel that I have dealt QUITE
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Post by Jackie on Sept 14, 2004 9:21:20 GMT -5
durn....silly post had a mind of its own....LOL
cont...... well with it. I hate to hear of people making the choice NOT to have a baby just because it has or might have DS. When I counsel parents, I just tell them the positive side of the coin......I am always honest, though, if they ask me questions that dont always have positive answers...but oddly they seldom do.....so I feel like I send them away with a positive yet honest perspective....but really in many situations in life ....sometimes you have to "walk a mile in the shoes" before coming to acceptance and understanding
Jackie
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Post by Mary_L. on Sept 14, 2004 9:41:32 GMT -5
Jackie~I totally agree with you. The second night I was in the hospital after I had Patrick I cried the whole night-certain that I couldn't handle what had been given to me~what a difference almost 5 years makes! So when I hear (or read)about people saying things that come from misconceptions or fear because of the unknown, I feel the need to let them know the postiive side. Because there is such a wonderful positive side. It's not all a bed of roses, but Patrick has brought us happiness and love on a level that I never wold have understood if I never had him.
I know that if I had another child and I found out the baby had spina bifida or CP, I would be afraid but I would deal with it the best I could. I fel that many of the people who abort for a diagnosis of Ds are doing so out of fear and that if they heard the positives maybe they would reconsider. Maybe that's just wishful thinking on my part but I feel(as I'm sure most of us here do) that I need to try. Mary
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Post by Alice on Sept 14, 2004 10:07:58 GMT -5
CC~ The point was that there are available new tests at the first trimester, so if something wrong with the baby parents have a choice at early stage of pregnancy. I am pro-choice; but when I saw the first family, I did not like them at all. And for the second family my heart was very melt. I was so happy that they showed that wonderful boy with DS. You should see him. He was as a red sun. You know some do abortions because they do not like the gender. Crazy!
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Post by Renee' on Sept 14, 2004 12:27:23 GMT -5
This is a touchy area for me. I found out when I was 21 weeks along with Lauren that she would be born with Down Syndrome. You would be surprised how many people said we should terminate because our child would never be anything and would ruin our marriage because we were only married 2 years. Then I started to research and found that 9 out of 10 women who find out prenatally terminate. That is HUGE..some only going off the AFP level.
A friend of ours called upset the other day. She and her husband are stationed in Virginia and she works for an OB Gyn. Apparently a couple found out that they were going to have a child with DS and they chose to terminate. She was so upset because all she was thinking of was Lauren. She went home and asked her husband what they would do when they start a family and something came up with their child. He said of course keep the child...look at Lauren!
I think the best thing I did was network with other families who had children with DS when I was pregnant. I will never forget Gabe who was 11 at the time. He is an amazing young man.
Anyway...my point being I wish they would do more positive spins on these shows.
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Post by Alice on Sept 14, 2004 14:41:31 GMT -5
Renee', You and other girls like you are a very good example of bravery and wisdom for me. I was a chicken when I refused an Amnio, because I did not want any abortions and also I did not want baby with DS. I would be very scary to know about this during pregnancy.... Just yesterday my middle son said (after I tell him about the show) that it was very good that I did not have any tests to check for DS and was not in a front of decision. He said we would nervous a lot, because we did not know good things about DS and did not know how sweet and wonderful our Luke will be. It is the best way to talk to parents of DS kids than with doctors who know about DS from textbooks only and bad things mostly.
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Post by momofrussell on Sept 14, 2004 15:01:27 GMT -5
I didn't know if I was going to comment on this, I was seeing where this was all going LOL.
Like Renee I found out while I was pregnant that Russell had DS. They gave us our options and we chose to keep going with the pregnancy. We never thought twice about it. we DID talk about the options in passing, but knew this is what we wanted to do. I had two weeks to learn all about DS while waiting for my amnio anyway.
BUT....
I HAVE been on both sides of the coin in terms of abortion in general. After I had Regan actually. (I was a single parent at that time) Ironically, my decision to terminate when I was younger had NOTHING to do with a "non-perfect" child and then with Russell I did not think twice about keeping him. I even though I am pro-choice, my perspective has changed LOTS since I have been on both sides....
So for me to be in the shoes I wore, and then to change "shoes"... I am not in the position to wonder what is going through the heads of other females that can't handle the thought of their child having DS. I had MANY supportive friends, but some knew they could never do what I did and would have terminated if it was them.
For situations like these, I think of the saying (song I should say)... If you had to walk a mile in someone else's shoes, you may have to find out what it's like to have to choose...
A.
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Post by Chris on Sept 14, 2004 21:20:03 GMT -5
I am very upset when I hear that someone has or is thinking of aborting a baby because he has Ds. Of course, Ds is very personal to me and since I know many wonderful children with Ds, it seems tragic to think of aborting a potentially wonderful child. I would also be despondent if someone was terminating a child because he had any birth defect. It is tragic that any child is aborted and it is wrong. Chris
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Post by christie on Sept 14, 2004 21:55:39 GMT -5
CHRIS, with all due respect I do not believe it is for us to judge what is right or wrong for another We may not like it BUT as A. said sooo well unless you walk in another shoes .... I just thougth I would share here something I have shared a long time ago. When I was pregnant with Chris not knowing if he had DS or not and deciding NOT to have the amino (sp?) Colin and I had a long discussion on what I should do bout the amino. He said have it and if something shows up, abort the babv. Hmmmm I told him I would take into consideration what he said BUT that i was the one with the final call. K, well I decided not to have the test and let be what would be. Chris as you all know was born with DS and the amazing thing was Colin was the one to bond instantly and have nooo problems where I was the one to freak. My point being to Colin the baby was not real while I was carring him and once he was born he was and there were nooooooo ? at all for Colin, he loved his son ;D Not sure if my point came out clear here, Hmmmm but I am trying to share just don't be sooo quick to judge Just my thoughts CC ~
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Post by Deannalee on Sept 14, 2004 22:03:24 GMT -5
I saw this also. It was very distressing to say the least. The woman who ter,inated said the Dr told her the baby would have severe DS. How can a test show what a child's potential will be as far as the DS goes? I don't get it, unless it had possibly fatal heart deformities or something.
I think people are starting to play God and enough is enough. People are terminating for things like gender...and as a Dr mentioned....for trivial things like extra digits. It is very sad. I knew my twins probably had DS after my AFP came back as 1:16 chance. I still declined the amnio because these boys were gifts no matter how they came packaged. I think the show quoted that 60% of pregnancies with DS are terminated. I hope this changes some day.
Deanna
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