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Post by laurasnowbird on Feb 3, 2006 14:22:56 GMT -5
I've been reading replies, and trying to figure out exactly why the words mentally retarded bother me. I looked up the definition when it first bothered me, and again before I posted this. This is a nebulous thing (feelings often are!) that I'm trying to pin down. I think I'm bothered in large part by the fact that, in the past, people who were termed "mentally retarded" were not expected to do anything, and it was if they were believed to have no intellect or humanity at all. When I hear everyone's stories about their kids, even those who are non-verbal, I'm always struck by the uniqueness and individuality of their personalities, and the ways they manage to make it known!
I think our kids are impaired intellectually in certain respects, but in some other arenas function brilliantly. The blanket MR label is applied as if it pertains to every aspect of their person, and I think it is inaccurate.
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Post by andrewsmom on Feb 3, 2006 15:14:03 GMT -5
Ok, now I get what you were asking. Sorry my reply wasn't what you were asking. I think your thoughts are basically the same as mine. When Andrew was born, he had Down syndrome....but he was not "retarded", because if he was, he would never socialize with the rest of the community. Why did I think this way? Because that is what happened to people that were "mentally retarded" when I was growing up. When I was growing up, a woman who lived in my neighborhood had a brother with DS. I would always see her walking to the store with her brother. I never really thought anything about it. He used to stop at my house and call my grandfather. My grandfather would then poor a beer in two cups and he and my grandfather would sit on the porch and drink a beer together. When he had finished his beer, he would tell his sister he was all done, and they would continue their walk to the store. My mother said this boy never went to school and didn't work. So, as a child, I thought he COULDN"T work, or couldn't learn. Just how I preceived him at the time. Although I did see him as a person (probably because of the beer drinking with my grandfather) I didn't think he could do much of anything on his own. hmmm.... not quite the way I want my child looked at. -Trisha
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Post by Alice on Feb 3, 2006 17:24:22 GMT -5
In general, I am fine with medical term "mentally retarded". But I am not comfortable to just "retarded" and if it is about my son. I think that word is used mostly by ignorant people.
Frankly, nobody from people who are working with Luke never ever used that term. I am sure for our kids it is more than enough to use just "Down Syndrome".
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Post by Emilysmom on Feb 3, 2006 19:11:12 GMT -5
Laura, When I first saw the title of this thread, my immediate response was that I truly do not mind the term "mentally retarded" when used as a simple descriptive term for the "slowness" that my daughter has in her mental abilities. HOWEVER, if anyone in my family (or at her school or at the mall or anywhere else!) used the term "retarded" in the way your family member did, I would NOT like it at all! I do think the term will forever have a very negative connotation to it because of the rude way many people have used it. Why NOT use developmentally delayed??? I see that as a way of saying that my child's development (whether that be physical or mental) is delayed or slowed. I do not see it in the way Jeff described...........as though one day there should be a time when a developmentally delayed individual should "catch up" with others. Why can't we just use the name "Down syndrome" and leave it at that?? Better yet............maybe we can just get to the point where we use "DS" and have everyone understand what it means? Sort of like "MS" now means Multiple Sclerosis.
And, as most people have said.........the use of the term "RETARD" is just totally unacceptable to me. I want to find a good way of explaining to others why this term should never be used.........I hope that one person at a time, we can decrease the use of this term!!!
Susan
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Post by Jessie on Feb 3, 2006 19:13:41 GMT -5
Laura, I think you are getting warmer to what the true issue at heart is and I totally agree with you:
"The blanket MR label is applied as if it pertains to every aspect of their person, and I think it is inaccurate."
Yes, I think you are correct that one just assumes that someone with a mental retardation CANNOT learn something versus the true meaning which is DELAYED. And, it is also assumed that someone with MR is delayed in EVERY aspect, which is absolutely not the case . . . as we learn from our kids everyday!
So . . . now that we know all that . . . what should the correct term be? I guess I agree that MR has just too many hang ups, misconceptions and has just a general bad rap to be used anymore.
Jessie
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Post by Valerie on Feb 3, 2006 21:07:44 GMT -5
I was at a wedding reception when Nicholas was around 1 yr old. A lady whose daughter was in school when I was talked to me. Her daughter was "mentally delayed." Anyway, she said something to me like, "You know, just cause these kids are retarded, they're people just like everyone else." I guess she was trying to be nice, but the words just totally rubbed me the wrong way. I couldn't even answer her. I guess I don't think of Nicholas as "retarded." I know he has some delays, but I can also see how smart he is! He knows his abc's and the sounds they make, he knows his colors, he can count to 10, he can do some sight reading, he can follow instructions (I said CAN, not that he always does! . I guess in my mind, if he's doing all that at 2 yrs old, isn't that "normal?" True, it's harder to see all that he can do than a typical child, but I attribute that to his speech delay. And again, I don't feel that he's retarded because of that delay, because he understands everything I'm saying to him. But for whatever reason, muscle tone, difference in the way his brain works, whatever, he is delayed in speech. People with dyslexia or ADD, etc, also have a difference in the way their brain works, but they're not considered retarded. Anyway, don't know if I made sense, but there's my 2 cents worth! ;D
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Post by CC on Feb 3, 2006 21:34:13 GMT -5
Honestly for me it never ever bothered me till I had Chris. And now it only bothers me when used in a hurtful way, which BTW I never thought about how hurtful it could be till we walked the walk, KWIM I have to say I myself have trouble keeping up on what the correct wording is or should be BUT I don't get so wrapped up in that as when people meet my boy and see what he can do, that says it all and no correct wording would change ones thinking better then just seeing our kids in action, KWIM I tend to think there will never be the correct wording that will please everyone and my bet is 10 or more years down the road, people will be hating the words we use that we think are more correct. Hmmm not sure I am getting out my thoughts right here LOL but hey their my thoughts and I understand them LOL I go back to the old saying "Sticks and Stones can break my bones BUT words can never hurt me" Hmmm that was the saying right CC ~
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Post by kwisteena1021 on Feb 3, 2006 23:31:55 GMT -5
Honestly, I have to chime in on this one. The word in it's correct use does not bother me. I prefer other words but if it's used appropriately then I don't mind it. However, these days, it has become a very popular word, to use in a hurtful derogitory maner. In movies(Scary Movie) in songs (Let's get Retarted) and just in everyday life(Oh you're retarded!) I personally think that the word shouldn't be used cause people who don't understand why we don't like it can't see the difference and are getting mixed messages and not seeing it's appropriateness. Oprah, had a discussion about another word that is used a lot in a derogatory way and then in other instances is used to show a bond between people. I don't want to say the word but I am imagining you might figure it out. So Oprah said that she thinks this word should not be used in any way cause your sending mixed messages and there is so much negativity towards the word that it's best not to use it. And with that, I agreed that that is how I feel about retarded. I hope you see what I mean.
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Post by momofrussell on Feb 4, 2006 9:11:54 GMT -5
When used appropriately? Doesn't bother me one bit! I have been known to use it in it's correct context when talking to docs and schools myself from time to time... it's not the ONLY word I use to describe Russell but it just depends on the situation. There are plenty of words, that one included, that describe Russell A.
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Post by Chris on Feb 4, 2006 13:42:40 GMT -5
I think our kids are impaired intellectually in certain respects, but in some other arenas function brilliantly. Laura, I think that is what most people do not understand. Now that I have a child with a cognitive impairment, I understand that it does not effect her whole intellect. I know my extended family is always amazed when they realize how much Sarah knows and understands. My older daughter has a learning disability and ADHD. A few years ago she had her three year testing done and I was amazed that she scored in the genius area on some things and at the second grade level on others. How can one person be all over the chart like that? I am sure if we all had extensive testing we would find the same thing about our intellect. We are all gifted in some areas and delayed in others. Maybe the mental retardation or retarded is so hurtful and brings up so much emotion is because of OUR thoughts of what it meant before our children educated us. I, for one, was extremely ignorant! Chris
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Post by Radonna on Feb 4, 2006 15:49:37 GMT -5
hindyperson, in a 165 years you and I and everyone else posting here will all be dead. So if life is a journey and whether you are religious or not heaven or hell or death is the final destination then I say in a hundred and sixty five years we will all be on the exact same page.
Life long learning in common now. People are being educated from the womb to the tomb. So I would say that learning is never done.
And as for Kaden I am sure that he would tell you if he could talk that he does not want to be like everyone else he is quite happy the way he is.
Radonna
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Post by cindylou on Feb 4, 2006 19:23:44 GMT -5
I apologize that only the oldtimers around here know me. I haven't posted much in the last 3 years (built a house, had a baby..boy...hasn't been a moment..) but those of you who know me know I'm pretty straight up so here's my opinion. My child with ds is 12 so I've had a few years to think, react, and adjust. - :-/The term mentally retarded used to bug me. I see it now as an accurate term that describes my childs abilities in certain (but not all) areas. However, she is still classified as speech/language delay at age 12--I'm pretty opposed to IQ testing (a number doesn't do ANY teacher any good IMNTBHO)
- ;)I've decided not to be too easily offended in life. Would take up all my emotional/mental energy.
- :-/I think if we make people talk a certain way around us-it does not necessarily further the inclusion of people with disabilities, but just a 'careful' and very superficial and uncomfortable relationship. I try to remember who I was before Kaylee--not having known anything about the world of disabilities-and give people a break. If there's an opportunity to address the misuse of the word which won't cause a huge scene-then I take it.
I have been known to correct friends/relatives and strangers as well as kids in our neighborhood who use retarded as a slang word but I also try not to be overly sensitive.
In the summer all the teenage boys in my neighborhood were playing capture the flag. I was walking to a neighbors house for a movie or something and one yelled "Andrew-you're such a RETARD- (because he didn't guard the flag right). All these boys know Kaylee-shoot hoops with her and play game cube etc with her. I simply yell (as loud as they are) "RETARD means SLOW not STUUPIIDD guys. If Andrews being stupid please call him that. " ALL RIGHT CINDY-- ANdrew your soooo stupid.." and they all crack up. ;D They are Kaylee's friends-they don't mean to harm--and with a joke they were educated. That's the approach I take. I correct my good, close friends and the teens around my neighborhood.
:)hopefully I've not offended anyone in sharing my opinion
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Post by Kristin on Feb 5, 2006 17:21:29 GMT -5
I don't mind the word as long as it is used in a professional manner. I do mind when children use it as a name calling, put-down, or derogatory term. I teach highschool, and this winter on a test the word was used to describe something used to retard the growth of a plant. (Meaning to slow plant growth) My students had a hard time understanding the question because they didn't understand the meaning of the word, retarded. We discussed the meaning of the word and when it should be appropriately applied. People often mean "stupid" when they say retarded. That is offensive, and they need to be corrected.
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Post by Renee' on Feb 6, 2006 21:16:53 GMT -5
I hate the word period. In this time and age I don't think there is really a place for it...but that is just me.
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Post by chasemansmom on Feb 6, 2006 22:02:59 GMT -5
When used properly, the word doesnt bother me at all. When used inappropriately it bothers me greatly!!!! Chase is just Chase, he learns slower, he learns differently. I love how every five years they find a new way to say the same thing. Chase is now cognitively impaired? Please! hugs, Robin
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