Dancing the night away..............

[Emilysmom]

This is an exciting post for me, and yet I feel I have to do a "true confessions" sort of thing too!! I hope I can explain.........I'm afraid it might be a long one!

Emily's school sent home a newsletter a couple weeks ago stating that they were doing a Valentine's dance. Emily went to one of them last year, and even invited a boy to go with her and it went very well. BUT, that boy and lots of the boys Emily knows well are in the 6th grade this year and the 5th/6th grade dance was done at a totally different time this year. SO...........I admit that I was OVERLY worried about her. Did NOT want her to get her feelings hurt and could not think of any boy she could dance with in the 7th grade, and decided it would be less "risky" for her to not go than to possibly get her feelings hurt by some of the 7th/8th grade boys who are so into being "cool" lately. So, I tell her that maybe it would be better to wait till next year's dance when the guys she knows so well will be in 7th grade and she could go with one of them. She sighs but agrees with me and I'm totally relieved. WHEW!!!

Then, I get to work and get a phone call from one of her teachers saying that they know Emily wants to go to the dance, but does not have her money ($5) for the ticket. I basically explained to her about my concerns and that I thought for this dance, Emily would just not go. She suggested that maybe we should just ask EMILY what she wanted to really do..........and go from there. (LOL Ya think???) So, later she calls back and says that Emily REALLY wants to go. DH takes the $5 to the school, I come home from work a bit early to help Em get ready, and she is SO excited!!! MOM, however, is still nervous. Will I ever get over this?????

So, I take her to the dance and I see that lots of parents are sticking around and talking. So, I too decided to stay and non-chalantly watch. Several girls immediately came up to Emily to complement her on her outfit, and then everyone sort of just began to dance either alone or in groups. There really was not much dancing between boys and girls for 45 minutes or so. Emily danced every single dance! She didn't stop to get pizza, or to just hang out..........danced non-stop!!! At one point, a boy came up and asked her to dance a slow dance, and they ended up dancing several times together. Emily had the BEST time last night!!!

Just a few observations from this experience:

*I am afraid I tend to worry excessively and try to "protect" Emily way too much from even the possibility of getting her feelings hurt. (she certainly wasn't the BEST dancer in the group, but also not the worst by a long shot! And I don't think there was a kid there who had more fun than Em!!) I'm going to have to really work on this.......I could be limiting her by MY fears, you know???

*A "disappointing" thing was that most of the girls who I have always considered to be Emily's best friends from kindergarten on..........seemed to be too busy to do more than say HI to her last night. They now appear to be the most popular girls in the school, and seemed more like high school girls than 7th graders. It's like they have "forgotten" her, and I hate that. Although, there were quite a few other girls who included her very naturally last night.

Could it be that "I" am more concerned with Emily's differences than she is??? Sigh..........


Susan

[Mary_L.]

I'm so glad Emily had a good time at the dance!

I can totally relate to you being more worried about Emily that Emily is. I feel like I do that with Patrick too. He's only six but I feel like I want to avoid situations where he might not be included with the other kids. But, when we are in those situations, he is happy and usually finds a way to make himself a part of the action~and if he doesn't, he finds somnething else to do and isn't concerned at all.

We can't stop any of our kids from being shunned or isolated but we sure want to protect them dont we?

[Cbean]

Oh my goodness Susan I have to print this out for future use!!! I am so glad that Emily had such a wonderful time at the dance. I can totally relate and you have just taught me a great lesson. Actually, your Emily taught us all one. I can't wait till July!!!!

[Pat]

You go Emily!! How cool!
As far as you go Susan... I hope John-John never grows up that I have to worry any more That's only 8 yrs away and the first 6.5 have already gone too fast. Emily is your 1st girl. I have 2 girls before John-John. I'll never make it through them
Pat

[Debi]

Awwww Susan.. the important thing is that Emily got to dance!!! And there's waaaaaay too little of that in this world!!
Man oh man tho on the 7/8 graders~~they are a trip. This year for the first time at the school where I work we have 6 7 8 graders in one building and the difference between those 6 graders and the 7& 8 is amazing. They are untroubled by puberty I guess in the 6th grade, but by 7th grade WATCH OUT !! And the whole social dynamic changes too.. and I think it's harder for our kids with DS to keep up with the cliques and social pressures at least for some of them, so I do understand your fears.
SO proud of Emily for dancing and for you deciding to let her go.. I very much fear if Gabe's school had a dance he'd pretty much just hang out at the pizza table!!

[Many]

I'm so...glad that Emily had a great time, Susan! You are just being protective of her because you don't want her feelings hurt and that's really normal...you know? She really wants her live her life to the fullest and you should be so proud of that!!

[justinsmom]

WTG EMILY!!!!!!! Susan we're MOMS we can't help but worry . Alyssa's school is also 6 thru 8th gr and man what a HUGE difference.

[ethansmammy]

Hi Susan,

I too have been so worried that Ethan would not fit in to a situation that I have decided not to include him - and people have talked me into it, and everything has worked out I definitely worry about him being upset or left out, it is something I have to work on too. It's natural I think, it's just Mothers instinct to love and protect. I'm glad Emily had a great time, it was nice of the teacher to call and ask - a different one might have just let it go. You know you are always going to try to make the right decision, you can't do more than that.

Elaine

[Ericsmomma]

Susan,

Sounds like Em had a wonderful time! Its just natural for you to be protective....sometimes our instincts are right, and sometimes not. I'm glad it worked out so well.
You are fortunate to have such an observant and caring teacher. Thats so important for our kids( or any kid). Hope you took some pics....Dolly

[Jackie]

SUSAN...I am so excited for both you and Emily. I can relate to the "fear" factor...LOL. And you are probably correct in assuming you are more afraid of differences than she is.

It sounds like a terrific evening! How wonderful a boy came up and danced SEVERAL dances with her , too. That would make MY heart beat wildly ;D

And this does prove that inclusion for Emily has been a very good thing... Her socialization skills have obviously become well developed so she knows how to fit in ...and WANTS to be part of the typical school scene.

And yes the same thing happened with MY Em regarding friendships. Her best friends in elementary school were kids in her Campfire group ...but once middle school came along they scattered...still nice to her this day...but then interested more in their own self esteem and finding themselves in a new setting with many more friendships available. I thought she seemed adrift in a sea of indifference for the most part...BUT don't think this is how Em saw it...and looking back I think I was grieving more for ME those years because I was sort of left out of the "mom" thing when these girls moved on. I was no longer included in the planning of things for her former group of friends and I think I let that become a pretrty big negative for me. I realize now I could have done things to keep myself involved in the lives of the kids her age and that might have also given her some more acutal opportunites for socialization.

However, like you have said about your Emily...mine just seemed to rock happily along.

So savor the moment and shoot for some more experiences just like this one.

Jackie mom to Emily 25

[andrewsmom]

How awesome!!! Good for her! I am going through some really tough times with my 12 year old who is in 7th grade. It is a hard time for anyone that age. They want to "fit in" so badly. I'm glad she is independant and knows what she wants and has a good time doing it. Again...good for her!

You know... reading some of the responses here I have to agree that sometimes we, as parents, try to protect so much that we miss the "golden opportunities" for our kids. I think you took a big step here and I honestly don't know if I would have..... I'm trying though!! LOL! So Way to go Mom!!!! Good for you too!!!
-Trisha

[CC]

Awwwww YEA Ms. Em ;D

So Glad to hear Em had a BLAST at the dance and I agree Susan its TUFF to let go of that Momma Bear instinct (sp?) we all have Protecting is good as long as we don't limit, Hmm now if i can only remember that myself, LOL

Did you get photos?? I hope

CC ~

[updowns]

WTG Emily, sounds like you had a BLAST and Susan mega ((hugs)) to you.

Stella

[Valerie]

Awww, I'm so glad she had fun at the dance! And a BOY danced with her! Gotta tell ya, that's BIG! I don't remember too many boys dancing at the Jr high dances I attended!

[Emilysmom]

I did take a few photos, but tried so hard to be inconspicuous........and it was dark in there!
I have posted 2 pics in Emily's photo album. She and the boy she was dancing with both look really flushed, and by the time the night was over, she was sweating!

Susan