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Post by faithhope on Mar 17, 2008 23:42:41 GMT -5
internet crapped out on me, after posting my other post ( is that how you say it?, sounds like I am repeating myself ) OK well my husband and I are doing great now but yesterday it went like this... Hi just need to vent. My husband has been Mr. Positive to the point of getting and being angry and completely uncompassionate about my feelings since Noahs' birth. I knew since his birth he had Ds, I just knew it, in my heart. He did not believe it for a second. Also want to mention we are Chrisitan and he is Mr, Faith, which is wonderful, but I just am not all about that all the time, I am more of a realist as well as believing in the power of God. I just don't want to be dissapointed, I guess and I like to prepare myself for anything. So example, just right now, he said something like, " Noah this outfit is to tight on you, we need to loosen it so that you can give us grandchildren one day. Then I laughed, and said yeah right. Immediately I realized my mistake in front of Shawn ( I don't discuss my true emotions regarding Noah with him, because of how it upsets him.) So he got mad, and wanted to know why I reacted that way. I said Well males with Ds are not usually able to have children ( not physically capable, they are sterile). He got angry and said 'Why am I always so negative. Then we got into a huge argument in front of our little angel. He was just staring at us, I felt so bad. I can go on and on, but I think you get the point. Do any of you have the same problem with your significant other.?
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Post by faithhope on Mar 17, 2008 23:45:50 GMT -5
ok I don't know why it is just black, is it just my computer? Hmm if it is you are all wondering what am I talking about! Ok let me try to post again what I was trying to post. This was my day yesterday... Hi just need to vent. My husband has been Mr. Positive to the point of getting and being angry and completely uncompassionate about my feelings since Noahs' birth. I knew since his birth he had Ds, I just knew it, in my heart. He did not believe it for a second. Also want to mention we are Chrisitan and he is Mr, Faith, which is wonderful, but I just am not all about that all the time, I am more of a realist as well as believing in the power of God. I just don't want to be dissapointed, I guess and I like to prepare myself for anything. So example, just right now, he said something like, " Noah this outfit is to tight on you, we need to loosen it so that you can give us grandchildren one day. Then I laughed, and said yeah right. Immediately I realized my mistake in front of Shawn ( I don't discuss my true emotions regarding Noah with him, because of how it upsets him.) So he got mad, and wanted to know why I reacted that way. I said Well males with Ds are not usually able to have children ( not physically capable, they are sterile). He got angry and said 'Why am I always so negative. Then we got into a huge argument in front of our little angel. He was just staring at us, I felt so bad. I can go on and on, but I think you get the point. Do any of you have the same problem with your significant other.?
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Post by faithhope on Mar 17, 2008 23:49:04 GMT -5
I don't know whats happening, I typed this post last night, then the internet stopped working right before I sent it. So I copy and posted it in Word, so that I could post tonight without having to type it all over again. So now when I try to copy and paste it, it shows up as just black! I am no computer pro. My husband is and unfortunately is asleep = ( so I will have to ask him tomorrow. I want to send this to see if it goes through and just to explain why it is a black post.
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Post by faithhope on Mar 17, 2008 23:50:56 GMT -5
How weird, this is hilarious!!!! Wow now all of a sudden finally my posts showed up!!! What the hell. My computer sucks! Ok I sound like a madwoman, I have had a complete posting and reply all with myself, hahaha!!!! Bye for now. I am not crazy, I promise = )
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Post by Googsmom aka Jennifer on Mar 18, 2008 0:14:53 GMT -5
You silly Are you talking to yourself again By no means am I an expert on men I really am no help here at all. Maybe Bob or Victoria's daddy will have a man's perspective on this situation. I just wanted you to know, now this part is secret , men are weird Kidding, really I am. Just trying to give you a smile. Sounded like you needed to
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Post by jelanismom on Mar 18, 2008 2:03:31 GMT -5
Men are weird you're right Jennifer. But Jessika it sounds like tensions are high lately for lots of people and I for one am stressed...things should calm down once my bills get paid Maybe it's just so devistating for your hubby to envision his most precious boy not fathering a child and he is uncomfortable about showing his sadness towards this reality...so he gets angry instead because he really wishes it wasn't true and he feels powerless not being able to change that....guys are that way. JMO. But in the meanwhile you are just this sunshine that brightens my day no matter the topic you post...corny but true, lol Don't worry, you'll have time to make more little rugrats ;D
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Post by twosomy21 on Mar 18, 2008 2:54:13 GMT -5
my husband tends to say "perfect child,healthy and fat" in responds to a new arrival. he of course tells me this in private,so this is his way of dealing with it? does not make it right. i told him you need to stop saying those things,if the boys hear you and one day will understand you'll hurt them.he also likes to say "there is nothing wrong with those boys( in respose to their witty character)so it is confusing-i would like to read some of the dads responses
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Post by Jessie on Mar 18, 2008 5:49:56 GMT -5
OMG, your post cracked me up!!! Not because of the subject, but because of the problems you were having with posting it. ;D
I have no other input, sorry! Brian is pretty realistic about Jason's abilities, so we don't have those kinds of discussions.
Jessie
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Post by Emilysmom on Mar 18, 2008 5:54:14 GMT -5
Jessika, Is it possible that your husband hasn't really "grieved" yet? Since he has been pretty upbeat and positive about it from the day you got the diagnosis, maybe it really hasn't sunk in yet? While you've been researching and learning everything you can about Ds, he has just been loving every second of being a daddy, and not wanting any negative thoughts to mess with that? And for me, the WORST part about Emily having Ds is the fact that she will not be a mommy one day. And it's because that is the one thing that I love more than anything else........motherhood. So, the idea of her not experiencing it is just very hard for me and always has been. Maybe your husband is feeling like fatherhood is the BEST and can't let himself even consider that his son won't get to experience that? And really.........it's ok to just take one day at a time and not think about things years down the road just yet. I'm not sure if this is the difference between the responses of men vs women or just two different people in general. (Although I certainly cope with new things in a different way than my husband too......but in the end, we get through it together.) It's probably a good experience for you; what just happened last night! Might just lead to some good discussions.
Susan
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Post by Jackie on Mar 18, 2008 8:37:46 GMT -5
SUSAN...this is a great post! And I agree with it 100%.
Thinking of you Jessika........
Jackie
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Post by Chris too on Mar 18, 2008 8:43:33 GMT -5
Has Mr. Positive read the poem "Welcome to Holland?" If he is that positive, he should be able to grasp the real positives & let go of the false ones. In our house, I'm the positive one & dh is genetically negative - runs in his family of grouches I think. Don't get me wrong: I'm positive about reality and possible realities (rather than irrationalities), and dh is only sometimes grouchy & his attitude helps us prepare for possible negatives coming our way. You absolutely do not want to sit next to this man if your football team is struggling to win a game I'm sure your positive dh will adjust. Try to give him space, as you seem to be used to doing.
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Post by tiffany on Mar 18, 2008 8:51:07 GMT -5
To tell you the truth, that was something that was hard for me to swallow also. Leah will not experience motherhood in the typical sense. She will however have neices and nephews someday ( I hope) that she will be very involved with and make loving relationships with them. My husband is the one who really handles things better than I do!! I loose it, and he has to bring me back into reality!
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Post by wrblack on Mar 18, 2008 13:23:18 GMT -5
My opinion? Men are weird. But women are weirder. I realize this may be hard for members of this board to believe, but I can be a real pain in the ass sometimes. Especially for my wife. But, just FYI, or maybe FYDHI (for your dear husband's information), couple of snips from Dr. Leshin: from www.ds-health.com/issues.htmSignificantly impaired fertility of both sexes is evident in the Down syndrome population (Rogers and Coleman, 1992). While males have long been assumed to be sterile, Sheridan reports one case of a cytogenetically normal male infant that was fathered by a man with Down syndrome (Sheridan et al, 1980). Women have impaired but still significant fertility: a number of reviews document women with Down syndrome carrying pregnancy to term and delivering infants with and without Down syndrome (Bovicelli et al, 1982; Rani et al, 1990). Infants born to mothers with Down syndrome are at increased risk for premature delivery and low birth weight (Bovicelli et al, 1982). ... Whether a woman with Down syndrome constitutes a high risk pregnancy depends largely on cognitive level and medical status. Obviously, the presence of maternal cardiac, thyroid, or hepatic disease, as well as seizure disorder, complicates a pregnancy. The high incidence of congenital heart disease in any offspring with Down syndrome contributes to pregnancy risk, including stillbirth and neonatal death (Gordon, 1990). Offspring without Down syndrome have a greater than average number of congenital anomalies (Bovicelli et al 1982) and a couple of posts of his to the List in Dec. 2006, FYI: To date, there had been only two documented cases of men with DS fathering pregnancies. There is now a third. A paper was just published from India about a 26 year old man with nonmosaic DS married to a 22 year old female with normal chromosomes. They had a normal baby boy. Leah Spring wrote: >I am not sure of this, but I remember reading somewhere, not too long ago, >that they don't really KNOW the fertility rate. I mean,afterall....you'd >have to bring a guy to the doctor and...you know...get a semen sample. I >don't know that anyone has ever actually DONE that with a guy who has DS! Well, there's two answers. First, you can measure gonadal function in males by testing hormone levels in the blood. That has been done and the few studies that have been consistent that testosterone is normal but LH and FSH are higher than usual, which is not good for spermatogenesis. There have been a few studies done looking at the sperm itself. These were all done in the 1960s and I do not have access to them, so I do not know how the researchers exactly obtained the specimens. But the studies all had just a few subjects in them. Second, and more to the point, there are only (now) three reported cases of men with DS becoming fathers. I think that the idea that men with DS are infertile is strong enough in the medical community that any actual cases would be reported, so it is a rare event. But could it be due to low quantity or quality of sperm, or difficulties with the act of intercourse? But for the parents of boys with DS, here's food for thought: it is possible that the better medical and home care of children with DS over the last two decades that increased life expectancy will also result in increasing fertility in males. So don't neglect the sex ed with the boys!
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Post by Chris on Mar 18, 2008 16:35:31 GMT -5
Jess, My husband and I are also Christian. I think it has helped us because we both believe that God created her with Ds for a purpose. My husband has never grieved or been sad about Sarah having Ds. He has told me several times that he wouldn't take away the Ds even if it were possible. He is crazy about our daughter and thinks she is PERFECT. I think Susan had a great point and it applies to my husband. Dh didn't become a father until he was 46 and he has savored every minute of fatherhood. I really believe that my husband and I compliment each other. I get all the info on the Ds and make sure Sarah gets everything she needs and my dh just loves her. Unfortunately, Sarah knows she is Daddy's princess and takes full advantage of it. Chris
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Post by CC on Mar 18, 2008 17:34:40 GMT -5
For Colin and I its always worked out that when he needed to vent I was there to listen and be positive and when I needed to vent he would be the positive one and listen Luckily we have never both needed to vent at the same time Just my thoughts but if your hubby wants to think your son may one day have kids why not let him think that. Your son is so young there are many many years to deal with lots of these issues. Just as all kids are different so are all us adults and I am sure your hubby will come to terms with Noah not being a father one day. Just a thought but I bet some of it has to due with the first son to a father you know, the dream of the family name going on... HUGS to you guys and I say just enjoy that baby boy before you know it he will be a toddler then a teen. Time goes by so fast. CC ~
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