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Post by TriciaF on Jan 13, 2006 9:43:30 GMT -5
ditto my friend.....You're the bomb! Thank you so much for sharing.....I think you were spot on in your approach, including not sharing with your kids. I think that knowing kids are laughing is the truth and its always better to face and deal with the truth...its not as scary when you can look it in the face. Differences have always scared people...otherwise....we wouldn't have problems with racism, etc.....
I love it that the Dad faced it head on, he could have easily let it pass....his children will remember that lesson all their lives and they will probably be the same with their children. Thank heaven for parents like that. He didn't know what you might say to his kids either.....or what reaction you might have....but he didn't let that fear stop him. Of course....as parents of children with special needs....I believe we stick out quite a bit more (like our children) and he probably had observed you on more than one occasion and knew you were great!
You had me crying with you while reading your story. I think reading it makes us all reflect what we would do in that situation and gives us preparation for the future should it happen. So any of you thinking you can't do the same....when it happens.....just take a deep breath and say to yourself..... What would Susan do?? LOL....no offense to the popular WWJD movement.
Public perceptions need to be changed on both sides I fear. Recently, my whole family, husband and both sons, attended our Rotary club's Christmas party. Patrick is a quite picky eater, so I was giving him a lot of attention at the table, trying to get him to eat at least some "real food" before desert. He also was getting over an ear infection and was more clingy than usual, wanting to sit next to me, on my lap, etc. As busy as I was trying to take care of him and find time to eat myself, I wasn't paying much attention to the fact that evidently we were on display with many people watching. After the party, several club members, including a couple of men came up to tell me what a wonderful family we were, what an awesome mother I was...etc.... One man even said he had tears in his eyes while watching us!! Ok, on the surface that is all very flattering and I'm happy they think that, but, really, much about that hits me wrong....I know that had it not been for Patrick's Ds, none of that would happen. So, the public perspective is still very very skewed. It kindaof smacks of feeling sorry for you...know what I mean? Anyway, I still haven't sorted out my feelings on the whole thing....but I wanted to point out that we are a bit on display, like it or not, whenever we go out in public. I always knew that...but maybe not to that extent.
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Post by momofrussell on Jan 13, 2006 10:03:48 GMT -5
Differences have always scared people. See.. this is a big part of it. Especially with kids!!!! Not saying it's STILL not mean, because pointing, staring and giggling is mean... but the reason WHY is that well, in alot of kid's eyes.. if it's not the "same".. it's different and different is odd, weird, scary, ect... I have always taught Regan about accepting differences even before Russell was born. I was never one to point and call names even as a child.. but for most kids, it's not like this. They don't have a child w/needs in their family and may not know anyone around them. They too laugh at their peers if they do something different, stand out, ect... and we get to teach them it's OK to be scared about the differences.. but it's OK to be DIFFERENT!!! In the eyes of a child.. EVERYTHING in their little world looks the same to them. I know it was a little daunting what the dad did. But if he is anything like me... who follows through with things... he probably did the "if you don't appologize now you don't get this" type of thing.. and the kids probably didn't think he would... so therefore.. he was forced to follow through RIGHT THEN.... smack! And into the hands of Susan! I think on so many different levels it was good the dad did this. I bet, above and beyond the snickering.. the kids will THINK TWICE again before doubting dad will follow through with ANYTHING! heehee.. I love it! A.
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Post by Connie on Jan 13, 2006 10:24:20 GMT -5
A. You are right but not all pointing, staring and giggling is mean. 2 quick examples.... First I don't know how many times I have been out with Michael (without Collin) and notice the cutiest child with DS and couldn't get to the mother to say something to her but pointed him out to Michael. I was not doing it to be mean....I was pointing at a beautiful child. 2nd -- Maybe not you as a child or a teenager but I know I did it... Whispered, pointed and giggled at someone to a girlfriend...then looked away real quickly and giggled somemore when caught. Not because we were being mean but because we were checking out the CUTE boy and was to shy to go up and say anything to him. Don't get me wrong....I teach my kids not to point, stare or laugh at others but, I just want people to remember...not all laughing, pointing and staring is meant to be mean. Susan knows now what happened but it could have just as eaily been....they thought Emily, Jordan or Justin was cute!! Connie
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Post by momofrussell on Jan 13, 2006 10:36:37 GMT -5
True.. very true Connie.. point well taken! I think I was looking more of the act of pointing. or the feeling maybe to the other person? ..not the why.. and I needed to take the why into consideration too! GREAT POINT!
I noticed your other post about teasing in the home and we DO do that here too.. not meanly but I think a bit of teasing in a fun way is healthy. Growing up I was teased ALOT.. I mean... ALOT ALOT ALOT.. I was TINY for my age.. half the size of my peers.. so I was teased constantly but not in the nicest manner at times... and at home.. well.. my mom felt it was inappropriate to tease AT ALL... but my sis was just down right rude to me.. so I learned to handle it all and learn that some teasing is "ok". And it does teach you somethings.. if not meanly done.... if that all make sense?
Great Friday morning pondering! LOL
A.
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Post by Connie on Jan 13, 2006 10:39:22 GMT -5
Now that we have hijacked Susan's post let me get it back on track by saying.
Susan.....You are wonderful and handled it perfectly!!! Connie
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Post by momofrussell on Jan 13, 2006 10:53:21 GMT -5
LOLOL... I prefer to consider it an evolving post due to subject matter ;D It does make you wonder and think and that's good.. even if we did hijack it! LMAO
A.
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Post by Alice on Jan 13, 2006 12:03:06 GMT -5
Susan, I was speechless and shocked for a while after reading about your experience with that man. First of all, hugs to you. I do not know how would I handle that, but you are always doing right things! Second, I hate that man and how he decided to involve you into their family business. He did not need to ask them to ask an apology from you, he needed to educate his children by himself(he must stopped them at the table). I am sorry for that kids for having that idiot dad who showed them how easy he can hurt someone. Selfish jerk! Third, unfortunately there are some people who are always make fun of them who are different (doesn't matter what the difference is) and that is very sad. That person just "welcomed" you and us into the real world. So sorry that you had to experience that rudeness, Hugs - Alla
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Post by hidyperson on Jan 13, 2006 12:55:57 GMT -5
I almost never post here but - Alice , Susan was not upset. It's sounds like you would have been upset. That's your temperment. She did not experience rudeness according to her, so there was no rudeness.
I'm the kind of guy that will take action on things, and may well have acted similarly with my own daughter if she was out of line. Obviously they all came out the situation the better for it, so it was not a mistake. Good for that dad trying to make the world a better place.
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Post by Alice on Jan 13, 2006 13:16:33 GMT -5
hidyperson, I do not need your opinion about my temper. "I'm the kind of guy that will take action on things..", so I see you as the same man as that whom Susan met - who can not handle his kids by himself and needs to involve others.
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Post by hidyperson on Jan 13, 2006 13:29:58 GMT -5
I just thought you'd completly misread how Susan felt about it. Since it was her that was there, she as the final word on it.
I took from your comments that you would have responded differantly. Givin that we all have differant temperments, that's no surprise, but I was surprised at how angry you seemed to be at him. " I hate that man" Really surprised. Seemed kind of 'road rage, ' over someone trying to do a good thing.
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Post by Cbean on Jan 13, 2006 14:16:11 GMT -5
Susan!
What a wonderful job. You played the role of educator, advocate and one hell-of-a-Mom all in one! Way to go to the Dad...that was one heck of a way to educate his kids, but what a lesson learned.
Hugs to you! Christine
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Post by Kristen on Jan 13, 2006 14:23:22 GMT -5
I htink you did great and that dad is to be commended, too. He is stopping the problem by holding his children accountable. You would have never known, whcih would have hurt less, but they are on the right trak now on teh subject, which will hurt less cumulatively for all disabled people they encounter in the long run.
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Post by Alice on Jan 13, 2006 14:50:39 GMT -5
hidyperson, That man used the wrong way "...trying to do a good thing." I would not appreciate if someone first blocked my car, then told me that his/her children made fun of my son/sons, and finally asks me to educate his/her children by keeping me stay outside of the car while they are sitting and even keeps my kids wonder what is going on. It is rudeness and disrespect and I hate that. Hope that helps.
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Post by kellyds on Jan 13, 2006 15:00:02 GMT -5
You handled that wonderfully . . . did a GREAT job educating those kids! I think the father meant well, but he could have been more discreet. Did he let EMILY hear that the other children were laughing at her? He could have spared yours and Emily's feelings if he had chosen to handle it privately with his children (and, believe me, there are WAYS to do that! ) Still, I get the feeling he was really upset at how his children were acting and decided to nip it in the bud right then and there. He probably didn't take a lot of time to think about how to do that, and I'm SURE he made an impression on them. Had I been in his situation, I THINK I wouldn't have involved the family my children were jeering at, out of respect for their feelings.
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Post by momofrussell on Jan 13, 2006 15:38:29 GMT -5
Hey.. don't make me have to be moderator so SOON!!! LMAO
Well.. however we feel on the dad that did the deed.. we can ALL Agree Susan acted WONDERFULLY which is the main point!!!!!! ;D ;D ;D
CHEERIO.. and carry on!!!
A.
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