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Post by kellyds on Jan 13, 2006 15:51:33 GMT -5
Yes, she did! ;D
Three cheers for Susan.
1 Sam 16:7 But the LORD said unto Samuel, Look not on his countenance, or on the height of his stature; because I have refused him: for the LORD seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the LORD looketh on the heart.
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Post by andrewsmom on Jan 13, 2006 16:05:10 GMT -5
Wow... I am REALLY impressed by the way you handled this. You were so quick thinking, and unemotional (at least while talking with the kids). I honestly don't know how I would have handled that. I probably would have stood there totally silent with my mouth hanging open, then turned and left in tears! LOL! If you don't mind, I am going to store YOUR response away in my mind so if this ever happens to me I will know what to say. As for the father, I'm not really sure how I feel about the way he handled it. But...I believe every action has a consequence(sp). Now take a look at how this has trickled down. If this man did not act the way he did with Susan, she would not have posted this story on here. If Susan did not post this on here, maybe something similar would have happened to someone else here and (like me) they would have frooze and maybe even come across wrong in that situation. I for one am happy it worked out the way it did so I have some refference to fall back on in the future.
Thanks so much Susan!!!!WTG!!! -Trisha
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Post by Annie S on Jan 13, 2006 17:23:25 GMT -5
Hi Susan it's me Annie S I know sometimes as we go along in our lives with our kids I think we forget that they are different and when someone brings it to our attention we tend to get a little taken back... You always told me its best to educate and that is what you did my friend..not only the kids but the Dad too... Hopefully now when they see you or Emily they will say Hello as new acquaintances Thanks for sharing it also helps us to be able to react as you did with love and kindness...Annie S
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Post by Jessie on Jan 13, 2006 18:18:25 GMT -5
I can't really add much more to what everyone else has already said. I agree, you handled the situation beautifully and, although it was surprising the way the dad handled it, I think it needed to be done that way. I bet that experience will stick with those kids and be much more of an impact on their life than if their father would have just simply scolded or lectured them in the car. Having to confront the situation taught them things on so many levels, not just about how to treat other people, but for themselves on how to confront their fears and also to own up to their words and actions.
Thank you so much for sharing that.
Did you ever end up sharing that with Jordan and Justin? Just curious what their take on the situation was.
Jessie
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Post by Valerie on Jan 13, 2006 22:17:26 GMT -5
It's taken me a little while to respond to this, I think because my thoughts were a little jumbled as I was reading it. I have to say you handled the situation WONDERFULLY, I only hope I could do the same, but I doubt it! I think I would have really been taken back by a man blocking me off with his van and asking me to come over there. I'm afraid that's where it would have ended with me! I probably would have had my doors locked and the cell phone out dialing! I am glad that he wanted to teach his kids a valuable lesson. Not sure that I agree with his method, because obviously that would have been hurtful for you to hear about your daughter. I don't think I could have done that. But it is good that he wanted to teach his kids about kindness and decency towards others, different or not. Anyway, after all that rambling, I really think you handled it great!
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Post by ValerieC on Jan 13, 2006 22:59:55 GMT -5
Now Susan,
Would you please clarify for me, were the kids laughing at Emily because of Ds or because she was chewing funny? I really assumed it was for chewing funny, but after reading the other responses, I'm not sure.
Also, I think I would have been weirded out by the dad blocking me my parking spot too. However, you said you knew him from the community and church right? Is that why you were willing to go to him?
Just curious...
Valerie C
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Post by donnita on Jan 13, 2006 23:35:10 GMT -5
Good job Susan. Well done.
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Post by Emilysmom on Jan 13, 2006 23:55:33 GMT -5
WOW..............I have to say that, as I posted this last night, I was thinking it was really tooooooooo long for anyone to read, and so I've been overwhelmed by all the responses!!! THANKS to everyone who cared about my very strange experience!!!!! (AND for all the very SWEET comments about how I handled it. How NICE!)
First of all, I had never seen this guy before. But, when we saw the kids at church, they've been with their mother and I saw them as a "nice family". I guess that's why I wasn't scared when he asked me to come over to the car. It did seem very strange that he was blocking my van though!! We were parked right in front of the restaurant windows though, so I knew someone would see if anything "happened", so I wasn't really worried. And, I'm VERY glad he did not let Emily hear what was going on. She did NOT need to know!
I'm honestly STILL not sure how I feel about the whole thing! I think Allisa put it the way I felt........hearing that his kids had truly been laughing at my girl totally un-nerved me and really has lingered with me. It helps that they were sitting far enough away that I don't think ANYone at our table noticed them at all. I'm pretty sure Emily didn't see them...........she was enjoying the meal and talking to her brothers, and LOL remember, she had her eyes closed!! And, like Jackie said.......I do think a BIG part of what they saw as being so "funny" was the WAY she was eating, rather than the fact that she has Ds. I told myself that several times as I walked back to my van, fighting back tears.
I would have been a bit happier if the guy had told me simply that the kids WANTED to apologize, rather than telling me that they were allowed to choose to continue with their plans for the weekend OR apologize!
But hey, maybe he felt he didn't have much time to do what he thought was right and he just jumped out there and did it..........and I do think it worked out well in the end. I remember many years ago when Jordan was about six and we were at Target. He wanted some gum really bad, but I said "no" when he asked for it. When we got into the van, I noticed the smell of "Juicy Fruit" and turned around to see him chewing it like crazy! I asked him where he got it and he tells me that he REALLY wanted it so he put it in his pocket. Without really thinking it out, I turned the van around and went back to Target. Took him inside and asked to see the manager. I explained to the manager what Jordan had done (with my sweet little "thief" by my side), and asked Jordan to give the gum back to the manager and apologize for taking what he did not pay for. I didn't stop to think that whole thing out.........just ran with it. And I was VERY lucky. The guy did NOT yell at Jordan or make him feel bad. He just got down on one knee and told Jordan he really appreciated him for bringing the gum back and sort of went on about how important it was to always remember not to take anything from a store without paying. My boy learned to not do that again. I saw it as doing the right thing for Jordan to learn.......and I know this dad must have felt he had to take advantage of that opportunity to teach his kids a valuable lesson.
I think the dad sort of took a "gamble" on me.........he didn't have a clue how I'd respond. And as much as he wanted to teach them a lesson, I'm sure he did NOT want me to yell and fuss at them. (As if I "could" have done that, after looking at their sweet SAD faces!!!)
Susan
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Post by myangelsaliandsadi on Jan 14, 2006 4:06:59 GMT -5
Wow Susan, I don't know what I would have done in that situation. I have only had a couple of "negative" experiences with people staring at my kids, ect... and I have not handled them nicely! However, the majority of the time that my kids warrant staring it is when they are sick, in the hospital, ect...so I'm pretty fed up anyway.
However, I guarantee I would have had my doors locked and cell phone out, I am EXTREMEMLY paranoid about things like that and there is no way I would have gotten out of my van unless I knew the person well.
If for some reason I did I probably would have called those kids some names and told them to get over themselves or something...I have great patience with people who are curious and things like that...but I doubt I could do what you did and be so patient with someone who was being mean. Regardless of how cute they are.
Hey I heard a maybe 10 year old girl use the R word several times in a restaurant the other day....she was with her Grandparents and let's just say they left JUST in time! I'm horrible about things like that, I just don't have the patience.
I'm glad you were able to educate them however, and hopefully it is a lesson that sticks with them. I had a friend in junior high that had Spinal Muscular Distrophy/Atrophy, something along those lines, but it wasn't spina bifida. Anyways, I never understood making fun of people because they were different. Not something I really comprehended I guess...
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Post by ALLISA on Jan 14, 2006 8:41:44 GMT -5
Wow Susan....did you think your little old post would turn into this ? LOL I'm glad you posted back with more thoughts because the post was spinning around from thought to thought.... You make a good comparison with Jordan and the gum-taking because as a mom I think EVERY one of us has had to do that at least once and it is a VALUABLE lesson learned. The advantage that the store manager has is that he expects this sort of thing to happen.....he knows just what to say and just how to react. As parents enjoying a night out with our kids.....we don't expect to be confronted like that & don't know how to react of OF COURSE it is much more emotional because you are involving our children !! So maybe now we should be aware of needing a "game plan"...but how to stay unemotional ?.....I cry at commercials !! LOL As far as the "lingering" feeling of knowing someone laughed at your child.....unfortuantely I know that from experience. I will NEVER forget that feeling and it is (sadly) 5 years later still very hurtful. I also think you are right that the dad didn't handle it 100% right....It started off in the right direction...... He gave the kids the choice....they MADE their choice in NOT apologizing.....so he shouldn't have brought you in at that point. But I think you did do much more for those kids than the dad did.....so hopefully it was a lesson to them to understand that EVERY one has feelings. Way to go and thanks for sharing !
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Post by rickismom on Jan 14, 2006 15:17:21 GMT -5
Of course you handled it marveously. Actually, their half-apology was an easy way out, but your comments to them surely will have an effect. Even if the Dad handled it wrong, I sure am glad that he was TRYING to educate his kids. Once a girl called Rina "R" when she was out with her sister, who told me. After waiting two days to call down, I went to the mother of the girl and said "I know that what I am going to tell you is surely unknown to you, and will be a shock, but..." The mom handled it brilliently.
As for the bubble gum--- once when I was about 5 I asked my Mom to buy me M&M's in the grocery. When she refused, I put them in my pocket. On being discovered at HOME, my Mom went back to the store and made me confess. NEVER stole anything in my life after that.
I am sure that these kids will be influenced for the better, not just because of the apology, but because you handled it so well and calmly. WTG!
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Post by Debbie on Jan 15, 2006 15:00:25 GMT -5
I think you did great Susan! It must of been hard to not get emotional or maybe the better word would be angry. A lady got a tad angry at me once when my boy-friend and I were trying to look at the menu which had small letters to figure out what kind of steak I wanted. I was looking for a rib eye steak and I couldn't find it. I am nearsighted besides the Stigmatism and Nystigmatism, and I couldn't read the letters. So, when she said,"Well, I guess some of us are taking their time." I turned to her and told her that I had some vision problems and it took time for me to find what I wanted and if she wanted she could go ahead of me. I was very cool about it but not flat out angry. I could have been easily. Anyway, she got real quiet and ordered her food right away and walked on. I usually have Steve find things for me like that or if I am alone I ask the person behind the counter. When we walked to a table afterwards, she stared at me but no she didn't appologize. Yes, it was rude. So, I understand in a way. I have been made fun of too. It is very uncomfortable. Maybe it was the way Emily ate, who knows? Still it was an odd situation. I think you handled it very well.
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Post by Emilysmom on Jan 15, 2006 18:39:52 GMT -5
Jeff (Hidyperson), I truly am not sure where I had hoped this post would go when I started it the other night. Mostly, it was my way of sorting through my feelings about what had just happened..........and also, I have seen this group of people (Uno Mas members) as extended FAMILY for many years. So, not just in this case, but in many other cases too.......my first thoughts always involve sharing what has happened in Emily's life with Uno Mas. I'm not sure there is such a thing as a "right" or "wrong" way for me to have handled this. And, it is totally natural that no two parents would handle it the same way. So, it makes sense to me that the responses have been so varied.
That being said, I want to say that it seems to me that you disagree with a couple of the posts. And hey........that's fine. None of us are going to agree on absolutely everything. But......since this post started out as "mine", can I ask you to be less vocal about your disagreement? It's uncomfortable for ME for you to use this thread to sort of "put down" others for their views.
Susan
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Post by CC on Jan 15, 2006 19:15:38 GMT -5
WOW SUSAN girl, just saw your thread here now as we just got home from our mini vacation and I say to you WTG you DID GREAT girl ;D Honestly I am not sure how I would have handled it all BUT in case such a thing should ever arise for me you have given me a GREAT example of what to do. THANKS for sharing Hmmmm BTW SUSAN what is this Global Moderator thing you are now?? Inquiring minds would love to know. CONGRATULATIONS on being it thou CC ~
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Post by hidyperson on Jan 15, 2006 20:08:23 GMT -5
Susan - you're totally correct and I'm out of line. I'm responding to what seems angry and hostile with shock, and becoming angry and hostile myself. Not what I intended. Thanks for drawing my attention to this, time to go self analyze some more...
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