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Post by CC on Apr 18, 2006 21:08:02 GMT -5
Awww Robin, HUGS girl I am sure by tomorrow you will be laughing bout this cause if we don't laugh we would cry sometimes. You said "why does he do this? ?" I tell you girl that is a question Colin and I find ourselves asking that same question bout Chris some-days If only there were a simple answer. And in answer to your other question, YES with Chris too there is a "a big fluctuation depending on the place and timeand thing they are doing" Sometimes he is so right on target but others K, PLEASE don't get me wrong guys cause I truly don't baby Chris, probably just the opposite and am probably harder on him bout things, KWIM? But in all honestly some-days I think Man it has to be tough for him, he tries so hard and although some things I know he gets real well, other things I think he struggles with Its such a fine line sometimes, least in my mind. CC ~
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Post by Jessie on Apr 18, 2006 22:00:51 GMT -5
Well, while I am thoroughly enjoying the fact this post has taken on a life of it's own . . . I must admit that I had to go back and read my original post to see what the heck I did ask! LMAO I think you guys did basically answer my question and confirmed what I already thought. My general conclusion: there may be situations or circumstances to be taken into consideration when there is a problem, but generally when it comes to bad/toddler behavior, well, that's just simply not acceptable! On Easter Sunday on our way to Brian's mom's house I kind of lectured Jason (ok, so I'm a lecturer and most of it probably goes in one ear and out the other) and told him that when we say it's time to leave he is not to give us a hard time or throw a fit. If he does, he will get his movies taken out of his room when we get home. After each sentence I said "Ok? yes or no?" and he responded "Yes" as if he was following along. When we pulled into the driveway I reminded him that he needed to be good when we said it was time to leave. This is the place where we are almost guaranteed he is going to give us a problem and do the flop and drop. However, whether it was the lecture or some other reason, he actually did not give us any hassle when we said it was time to go!!! So, we will see if this works the next time we go somewere, talk to him about it beforehand and set the expectations. We shall see . . . There are certain places or people that he is almost guaranteed to act this way, so we will try to do the heading off lecture to see if it works on a continual basis. He does this when the people we are around tend to baby him a little - like they are allowing or accepting of that behavior - who cares what mom & dad want!!! LOL We do know now too that he does get overstimulated if we have a really full day and are on the go from place to place. We have learned to break up the day a little and give him some down time, that does seem to help. Speaking of flop and drop - Brian describes it as if Jason kind of short circuits or something - it is like there is just no rational thinking going on at all. I'm wondering if that is a physiological thing if alot of our kids do that (as well as Jeff's roommate) moreso than behavioral? I know that my brother who has ADD says that when he gets angry he basically just blacks out and he doesn't feel like he has any control over what he does . . . maybe that's the same for our kids when they get upset? ?? Jessie
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Post by hidyperson on Apr 18, 2006 23:13:53 GMT -5
"I'm wondering if that is a physiological thing if alot of our kids do that (as well as Jeff's roommate) " - I think there's some validity to that. It's a putting the breaks on. I only loose it when she's been sitting on her butt all day and behaves like that - Easy going Jeff
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Post by cindylou on Apr 19, 2006 0:55:12 GMT -5
Robin-are the towels done? ;D I have really enjoyed reading all the responses here--but I can't keep them all straight-just know that they were interesting. I personally get very frustrated with Kaylee's behaviors. Then she'll have a great day or two and I'll forget what I was stressed about. Even today, she started her period and she has a little sinus thing going on-so I expected to get a phone call from school. Went about my day, gym, target, laundry, planting, dishes, etc kept listening for the phone. Finally, at 3:05 the girls walked around the corner and were home from school. All smiles. (They've been walking home from school! Don't get me started--I worry, but it's only 1/2 a mile-and they don't want to take the bus anymore!) Anyways, Kaylee sat right now, did her homework without complaining. Changed clothes, went outside to help a neighbor wash her car. Came in - played with Sam-helped with dinner. Took a shower, came down stairs and made her lunch for tomorrow--then came outside where I was working in the yard to show me. All this with no issues at all. And on her period. WHO CAN FIGURE. She went straight to bed after American Idol and even let me floss between her braces. (**disclaimer-besides the pb$j and an orange in her lunch there was also and can of pop and 7 packets of smarties and two tootsie rools! I said - Kaylee-that is not an appropriate amount of candy-I expect that you'll put all but two of those back. She laughed and said "I'm sorry mom--I will. " and thought it was funny. ) Anyways-no flop and drops today and we actually don't have those much-more like yell and slams for us. She generally feeds off my level of energry-negative or positive. However, I mostly forget about that in the moment and escalate my voice and emotion--and SHE DOES TOO! Jessie--I have found also that "pre-teaching" so to speak about expected behavior in an upcoming event or situation helps Kaylee. Truly, she does usually want to please us--if we treat her respectfully and considerately. She hates being bossed. I almost think a visual schedule of expectations would work so much better for us and maybe others. Kaylee loves to mark off her homework sheet the work she completed-and I think she would function better if she were in charge of the order she does things. (ie-get dresssed, make bed, make breakfast, get back pack, shoes and in car) if I made something like that she could be the one directing herself-and marking off completed tasks--and possibly earning money when it's completed on time daily. I don't know. Is Jason motivated by money? That's another thing he could earn for good behavior in a social setting. And in regards to talking about expectations--you could show a drawing of a kids in a tantrum crying and stomping and then cross out the movies and the money and then also show a picture of a kid smiling and behaving appropriately and then earning the money or movie time reward. Steff--that is so funny that Liv had to apologize to the principal for being late!! Yes, I think that would motivate Kaylee too! And why is following through such a PITA?? I think because it's an inconveniance to my schedule..ya know? But then again---aren't kids just that??? gotta love 'em--but our agenda's certainly go out the window when they arrive!!!!! Robin--there's gotta be a magic way to get Chase to get dressed!! We're all going to put our thinking caps on - and try to figure this out so your mornings are not so torturous!! It does take about 5 times of me telling Kaylee to get up before she does- but if Emma walks by and says "Mom bought toaster struddels" she up and dressed in about 3 minutes. So, I try to have that available at least twice a week (don't tell me how awful I am-- I already know it's junk and I shouldn't be letting them have it for breakfast!!!) so that I can enjoy my espresso without having my blood pressure go up to fast in the morning!! Does the tv not motivate him? If it is on in another room? gosh--you've got me thinking..I am dreaming of a nice quiet morning and Chase getting himself ready for school! jeff-you crack me up...you're probably more consistent then most of us parents...maybe it helps to be a bit detached emotionally (not saying you are--but just more removed for the relationship aspect?
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Post by SuziF on Apr 19, 2006 12:59:19 GMT -5
Robin! Ya know I love you girl, but you need to do what we did. Loose the tub ! LMAO! We now have a walk in shower only in the bath ~ floor drains all the way ba-be! (Mike used to swear that his idea of the perfect house is like the vetinarians office~ channeled floors with drains in every room & furnature you can hose off)
Suzi
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Post by chasesmom on Apr 21, 2006 18:11:03 GMT -5
Are the towels done? Grrrrrrrrrrrrr, still havent gotten over that mess! And he is still thinking it was funny even though he was punished for it....I think because he got one heck of a reacion from me.....at least I think that is what I would call the scream I let out when I saw the water!!!!!! You know, he is really really really acting up the last month or so and I am wondering...okay this is a DS site so I can find a way to be tactfully ummm, let's talk puberty......hmmmmm, can you tell I dont quite know how to say it short of plunging it and spilling it out? OK, I have four sons, two are grown however I didnt see them naked while they were older then 10 I am sure. But the last month while Chase's behaviors have grown and he has become moodier then a teenage girl on her 15 day of her period, I have not been able to ignore that the down fuzz I thought was going to be what we referred to as his pubic hair has grown dark and ther is lots and his you know what has grown alot in size....seemingly all in a month, so does this get called full blown puberty and does that mean he will stay this way as long as he stayed a toddler because if that is the case..... I am moving out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I dont like this person I used to call my son...LOL, he is crabby, mean and grouchy, morning noon and night and right now it is spring break, and perfect weather, how can he be grouchy? Anyone want an almost 14 year old for say......the summer? ::)Eekk hugs, Robin PS...okay Cindy, finding a cure for my kid to get dressed is now your responsibility please. And TV is not a motivator when it comes to getting dressed. I will admit what a terrible mom I was while on break, if he hasnt wanted to get dressed and we werent going anywhere, I let the little stinker stay in his pj's it just wasnt worth the fight, I kow, I am awful but a mom has to do what a mom has to do and that means...pick my battles ;D and I havent had to dress him in 5 days
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Post by justinsmom on Apr 22, 2006 2:39:58 GMT -5
Ummm Robin I have a crabby, grouchy, mean morning noon and night almost 14 yr old daughter u can have for the summer so you would have a complete set grrrrrrrrrr it's going to be a looooooong summer. Now as for the flooding of the bathroom I so hear ya, Justin locked himself in the bathroom because someone forgot to hook it from the outside grrrrrr, I was downstairs switching loads and kept hearing water I turn around and look up OMG it was pouring through the floor upstairs, the little booger plugged the sink, the toilet and the tub and everything was running in there and there's is Mr. Innocent sitting on the bathroom counter nothing on but about a half a bottle of body wash and says wash hands grrrrrr and then the other kids are like what he was quiet thought he was playing double grrrrrrrr.
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Post by laurasnowbird on Apr 23, 2006 18:13:32 GMT -5
Ummm, HELL-O! It must be a Michigan thing, because my dearest, darling, adorable, sweet, handsome (ooh I could just CHOKE him) son did it yesterday! For whatever reason, and I never noticed this before, the sink in our main bathroom doesn't have one of those overflow holes that helps keep the sink from overflowing. Not that it would probably have mattered. What a mess. I ran and got the wet/dry vac to suck it all up, but GET THIS!!!! He had used his colored Batman bathroom fizzies and it was all colored this muddy brown color after he mixed the colors together. Oh my God. Our bathroom is on the first floor, and it ran through the floor into the basement (thank God the part directly beneath isn't finished) so now my dehumidifer is running in the basement too. I give up! Someone give me a white flag to wave please! UNCLE!
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Post by cindylou on Apr 24, 2006 11:17:24 GMT -5
Went to hear a psychologist speak about behavior and managing it with children. He was very good-has some definate ideas about avoiding tantrums and managing them when they show up. Most of his advice involves a visual time out plan-rather then verbal interaction. Anyways-Robin-he claims he can come to anybody's family and consult with them and fix their "issue" of behavior, whatever the behavior is. Want to fly him out there? Let him spend a week with Chase? ;D ;D--or hey-maybe you could fly out here? He's speaking again on the 3rd of May. And it's beautiful in Oregon right now--70 degress and clear, blue sky! Anyways--he's big into giving kids choices for everything-(Do you want to go to bed now, or in 15 minutes??) and says the best thing to remember as a parent it to give your kids the illusion that they are in control (By providing choices) and make sure to remove the choices that are not appropriate so as to avoid a tantrum or power struggle. .. His grandson has autism too-so he's actually had to put his years of "clinical" experiance into actual family members..which I always find refreshing. Get a little tired of the professionals when they've not had to deal with it on an emotional level..
you coming Robin?
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Post by momofrussell on Apr 24, 2006 11:57:22 GMT -5
Ah yes the choices thing... it's funny.. depending on which child devel college class I had or what "concept" a child devel center subscribed to or what psych you ask... they either say YES on choice.. or NO... we give kids too many options these days and that is what the issue is. I'd say a happy medium! ;D I think to grow and prosper.. kids NEED choices... but A bunch of choices? Choices we really don't want them to pick? LOL.. NO... I have always done what Cindy is talking about... with my kids... you offer them say, TWO choices of things ultimately YOU are ok with and "win" in the end with... but the child thinks THEY are in control. And in return they are learning independence. I think this new setting with Russell... he gets MORE choices then he has ever had in a school setting.. and more hands on.. and I will tell you what.... he LOVES it and we have seen a BIG difference in his language skills Now.. will that help ALL behavioral probs? Probably not... but I think it sure does help cut down on some of the issues that say arise from a child wanting more "freedom" , control issues, ect.... Hey Jessie.. I bet you never dreamed your thread would get this far did ya? LOL A.
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Post by Jessie on Apr 24, 2006 13:38:47 GMT -5
LOL - Nope, I sure didn't A.!!! So, Cindy - this is kind of a Behaviorist 911 type of thing? LOL Oh, if only I could afford to fly this guy out to Michigan for a week. Hey Robin - maybe we could split the cost?!! LOL And, Robin, yes puberty is a beautiful thing - NOT! We have wondered over the past year why is this the ONE thing that he has developed on time / over-developed - dead on and in full swing??!! Since I originally posted this I am starting to see that we just need to adjust the way that Jason is disciplined. We do need to look at him and treat him as a teenager with attitude and discipline accordingly. It's a complex issue I think - we are dealing with a child that on some level is very young and therefore sometimes acts out but yet he is 13, going thru puberty and needs to be treated in a more grown up manner. I do see a light at the end of the tunnel! Jessie
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Post by momofrussell on Apr 24, 2006 15:37:26 GMT -5
Well SHUUUTE Jessie.. there are so many of you in Michigan... I even know a few more from MI from other boards... you could have your own mini conference with this guy and REALLY save on money! LMAO!
A.
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Post by chasesmom on Apr 29, 2006 18:30:18 GMT -5
I just had time to hop back to this thread, forgot all about it with Chase being the sweet (big laugh there) boy he has been. Hmmmm, I too wonered jesse how Chase can possibly develope on time when NOTHING else did, whose idea of funny was this? we have a behavior therapist for Chase but hey Cindy, I am all for more advice. This guy has also said he is big on choice, (meaning two choices) which we do....however Chase usually will take no part in it so it is like this....Chase do you want orange juice or grafefruit juice to drink.(may I note I hate grapefruit juie but he loves it so this is NOt a punishment:D) he will say...grumpgh, no, want pop (coke to those of you in the south) I will say, no you can choose oj or graprefruit juice. He will then throw himself to the floor where he stays throwing a fit and crying and yelling while we get ready for school around him and stop every 30 secons to reclose the frig he has opened for the pop. It continues until he is manhandled into the living room or his room to continue his fit. This is not the excepetion but the rule with his behaviors in our house... and before you suggest beating the child....we have tried everything from spankings to ignoring, and the behaviorist swears it is due to his disabilities, which by the way I am sooooooo tired of, so a free almost 14 year old is yours to be had for the entire summer, he comes with clothes toys, tapes, DVD's, CD's and an attitude, all yours free, any takers? (okay kidding, I wouldnt give the brat away even if I would really like to, for some reason this bad boy has my heart attached to him, but hey, a good two week vacation for me somewhere in the sun near water would be just what the dr ordered for me) hugs and help needed, Robin mom to the incredible attitude boy, Chase
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